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Thread: My boyfriend has severe depression, I want to help

  1. #1

    My boyfriend has severe depression, I want to help

    My boyfriend takes sertraline a few months ago his doseage was 50mg but now hes up to 100mg.sunmeras he has an imbalance of some hormones to do with happiness (forgive me that I don't know what it's actually called). He suffers with S.A.D too. This is the first time hes broken down like this in the summer. but for the past 2 weeks he's been really depressed. He keeps getting bad thoughts and just crying his heart out. I try and comfort him and although he does hug me and kiss me he won't really talk to me about anything to do with this.he calls his mum though she lives just outside of oxford and we're in Bristol. He says he's getting bad thoughts and feel meh or even dead inside. I try to tell him that his thoughts can't hurt him or that's all they are or I try and tell him what the future holds for us (such as we're going to have a loving family, getting married and things like that - he always hinted about these things when he wasn't depressed) to try and take his mind off things. He doesn't really eat a lot and spends a lot of time on bed and doesn't want to do anything. He spends hours on the computer / phone / laptop to try and take his mind off things. I completely understand why he's shut off but I just wish I can take it away for him or know what to do. Hes such a beautiful and loving person and always up for a laugh / making me lugh each and every day but now I feel like that person has gone a little and Id like to help him through this and to help change his life for better. He says he can't live like this anymore , can't go through it and today he broke down in my arms saying he wishes he wasn't born because of all this.

    It breaks my heart to see him go through this.

  2. #2
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome to DWD.
    Unfortunately you can't take this away - I totally understand that as I wish I could take it away from my husband. You can get through this as a couple - but you have to keep talking and be honest with each other.
    How long has he been on the sertraline? What about the changed dose? Do you feel it's helping? When's he due back at the Drs? Could you go with him?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  3. #3
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Hi and welcome. Do you talk to his mum about this at all?
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  4. #4
    I think for a few years now. He was on them before we got together last July. He won't go to the doctors I don't think... I tried subtly asking. Is do anything to go woth him if he did ...

    Paula - sometimes I do but I usually get the just of what she says from what he says.
    He's actually on the phone now to get and broke down saying he just doesn't want to be here because he does nothing and feel like what's the point of staying here on this planet he's never done anything to harm himself that I'm aware of. He says he's stressed about this which makes him stress about work which then sets off his anxiety about loosing his job (his work seems to be understanding of this thiugh) . He hasn't taken a shower in days and not brushed his teeth and changed clothes.

    He also doesn't believe in an afterlife , the other day he was asking what's the point of us all being born , living and dying when we and a friend gor into a late night discussion.

    I fear for him and our relationship... I fear I might lose him and I fear that I feel that I'm not helping him or when I plan to go on holiday with him or having children (in the future) because he doesn't see the point

    I'm so so worried... He's just said he can't keep living like this and it's killing him

  5. #5
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    If he's feeling that bad then surely suggesting he goes to see a Dr would be a good idea for him to take up? If he isn't willing to ask for and receive help then apart from being there to listen, there really isn't much else you can do.. Have you looked at the time-to-change website? It has lots of resources to help have some of those conversations.
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  6. #6
    This morning has taking a toll on him and so he has rang the doctors to ask for a phone appointment. I haven't tried anything like that ... He can be a bit stubborn with that sorta thing

  7. #7
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Good! That's really positive! Can you be there with him while he takes the call? Maybe put it on speaker phone so you can help answer questions etc?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  8. #8
    I didn't need to, he was actually really open when the doctors phoned. Tomorrow he has an appointment with a mental health practitioner who wouldtalk about medication changes, what could have triggered it (we both don't know this time as he was super happy laughing and joking one minute then rapidly went down hill) and also may be ways of dealing with it. I'm going to go with him to support him and just so I can get more information for myself on how to deal with this...or to know what they sy to help my boyfriend keep up with what they suggest.

    It's a massive step for him to take so I aim to try and be there for him throughout this.

  9. #9
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    That's great news. Well done to both of you
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  10. #10
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    That's brilliant! Well done to both of you!
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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