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Thread: Struggling through

  1. #1
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    Struggling through

    Hi Folks
    Just need to talk and don't know where else to go.

    Had my annual diabetic retinal eye screening this morning so struggling to see very well so I apologise for bad grammer and spelling.
    The trip to the surgery really took it out of me, my anxiety has been getting bad again and sitting there did not help. Hubby came with me (I am not allowed to drive for several hours afterwards) and we were in a small waiting room away from the usual crowd. When we were alone he did put his arm around me and hold me close which helped but when anyone came he quickly pulled away. So it actually amounted to a 20 second cuddle.
    My PIP assessment date has come through on the 12th June. I don't know that I can deal with going. I think that maybe if business continues as well as it has then I cope without the money and do I really want to put myself through the anxiety and humiliation of the assessment just to be turned down anyway. Maybe it would be easier to just accept that I am not entitled to it by this governments rules, I feel a bit of a fraud anyway when I see people on facebook who obviously really need the money more than me.
    H is drinking again. She had a nasty fall the other day and we had to call the ambulance, the crew asked her if it was the drink that made her fall but she denys it. I cant smell the alcohol over the cigerete smoke but they could and another friend of mine has commentated about H coming to work smelling of drink as well. H seems to think drinking vodka will hide the smell. I just don't know what to do. If I talk to her about it she just says that she needs the drink to get her through her anxiety, she wont seek help of any kind.
    H and A have gone back to their old ways around the house. A did clean the kitchen on Wednesday but nothing has been done since then. The dirty plates, glasses and cutlery are piled high. I just don't have the energy to empty and refill the dishwasher at the moment. On Wednesday I said I would clean the bathroom but A said, no, he would do it. He didn't. That means it has not been cleaned for nearly 10 days.
    My bedroom is a mess, the kittens tipped over my bin and knocked a plant off the windowsill but I have not found the energy to clean up the mess.
    Stuff has been going wrong in the pottery as well. The hot weather is causing clay to dry out very quickly and I have several hundredweight of clay that is too hard to use and will need to be soaked and recycled. Peoples work is drying really fast as well and there have been a few casualties as H and I have not been on the ball enough to catch the pieces before they dried.
    The garden has been suffering a bit. I lost 3 trays of bedding plants as I did not get them planted up or forgot to put slug pellets down and the dry weather and lack of care to keep things watered has created a few casulaties including some of my favourites.
    I am not sleeping well. I wake up in the morning almost as tired as I went to bed. I don't feel I can go to the doctor, this is almost certainly a passing phase and I don't have a doc I feel I can talk to anyway after my last one left.
    I know my limits....I don't pay attention to them, but I know them!


  2. #2
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Pen, love, you need to find a gp who can help you and you are able to talk to. This isn't going away until you face it and do something about it. And you need to do something about H (and A). You can't continue supporting them like this, financially, round the house or emotionally. If H won't get help, you may have to consider whether you can continue with her in your home anymore. You can't be a crutch for her at the expense of your mental health.
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  3. #3
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
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    wss^^^^^

  4. #4
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    Both H and A have mental health issues of their own so I cant just boot them out and I feel guilty if I ask them to help more I just get sulks and complaints about me not appreciating what they do do. A has been going to group councelling for the last few weeks and it does look like he will be going back to work in a staged return starting next week which is both good and bad as once he goes back he will do even less round the house. In the end this morning I cleaned the bathroom myself.
    I know my limits....I don't pay attention to them, but I know them!


  5. #5
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Sounds like you've got loads going on lovely - but Paula is right. If H isn't prepared to get any help then how long are you prepared to subsidise her drinking? It also isn't a good advert for the business at all....
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  6. #6
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Perhaps it's worth them talking to Shelter. They give advice and support for people with threatened homelessness (e.g. Facing eviction inc from parents home) and may be able to help them with alternatives
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  7. #7
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    How are you doing, pen?
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  8. #8
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I was thinking about you earlier Pen! How are things lovely?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  9. #9
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    Hi folks,
    Same old, same old really.
    Lots of work not enough hours in the day. Did not finish work till 10 tonight. Had 2 classes and a birthday party then had to spend an hour recycling clay, water the garden, sort out the studio and finish tiding up the dinning area so that the 3 people I have coming tomorrow at 9:30 can eat in the house if the weather is not good enough to eat outside. In order to create a dining area that is separate to my living room I have put up tension net rods and hung voile curtains across the gap. Had a small problem when the kittens tried to climb them and brought the tension rod down trapping them in a net! However have now hung them off hooks and so far the kitties have not brought them down again.
    I have bought myself a cordless vacuum cleaner today so I can more easily whip a cleaner round without having to always get the big one plugged in. I have been trying to vacuum a couple of times a week as we seem to have an invasion of carpet moths in Weston at the moment.
    I have finally bit the bullet and booked myself a holiday as well. It will be just me and Ember going as hubby wont leave his brother, but I am planning to take a load of art materials, my cross stitch, my audio books and maybe a few 'real' books as well. I am not going far, just a bit further down the coast to where the sea starts to be a bit less muddy!! Its only about an hour away so I am hoping that just maybe hubby may come down for a day with me. The cottage I am renting is an Elizabethan thatched cottage and it has a private garden (although not connected to the cottage) with a summer house so that I may be able to just chill out there and do some drawing, painting and sewing. Its only a few yards from shops so I am hoping that apart from a few trips to walk on the beach I don't have to do much driving and can just relax.
    I know my limits....I don't pay attention to them, but I know them!


  10. #10
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    That's sounds wonderful and I really hope hubby comes down . How's thing with H & A?
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

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