Hi all.

First time posting here and thought I'd share my experiences with various anti-depressants I have taken over the years.

I appreciate that we're all different and each have our own responses and reactions to different meds, but thoight I'd share where I'm up to, if for no other reason than to possibly help others and get it off my chest.

Little history - I'm a 41 year old married man with a pretty stable, comfortable life, but have suffered with anxiety and depression for all of my adult life. This materialises in very low self confidence, self consciousness, social anxiety, low mood, feelings of helplessness and at times, near suicidal levels of despair. I finally had enough in 2009 after suffering what I can only describe as a nervous breakdown at which point I went to the Doctor to seek help.

Citalopram - This was what I was first prescribed. I was not on this for long. Within about 2 weeks I lost all my personality, good and bad and became almost emotionless. I felt like the death of all my family or a massive lottery win would yield only mild curiosity from me, one way or another. I felt a shell of a man and pretty much 'dead'. I also had a complete and total loss of sex drive - not even a flicker of interest. I went back to the Doctor who switched me to Fluoxetine.

Fluoxetine - This was my wonder drug. After about 6 weeks I woke up one morning like the weight of the world had lifted from my shoulders. A huge black cloud had been lifted and I could once again laugh, enjoy myself and get on with living. I was on this drug for about 6 years and generally overall felt 'cured', albeit I still suffered a little anxiety at times and a little OCD. What I didn't notice creep up on my was a reduced sexual response. It got to the point where frequently I couldn't orgasm and sex was a rather unfulfilling, 'numb' affair. Because I felt 'cured' from my depression, I decided to come off them and within 2 weeks I was sobbing, in utter despair and wanting the world to end again - proving they did work. I went back on them and all was right with the world again. During my 2 week break, I noticed my sexual response return which made me realise what I had been missing. This led me to try to search out other drugs to try. Shortly after this time, a change in job saw my anxiety levels sky rocket beyond anything reasonable and went through a terrible time of not being able to sleep, all day panic attacks, continuous rapid heart beat, bleeding gums - the full hit. The Doctor moved me over to Mirtazapine.


Mirtazapine - Wow. Knock out pills. They solved my anxiety and sleep issues instantly. Literally from day one I slept like a baby and could sleep all day if I chose. Initially they did leave me feeling drowsy during the day, but this settled down over a few weeks. My appetite returned and I put on a lot of weight due to craving lots of carbs. Lots of self discipline was required to not eat myself fat. You just have to say to yourself 'no, don't eat that". I found Mirtazapine had no sexual side effects at all which was/is a very welcome position. I can't honestly say it has lifted my mood at all, but it has certainly helped with anxiety and sleep issues. If anything, it might have made me a little more irritable and less tolerant - not sure but a little conscious when I snap at the kids or get wound up easily. During a particularly stressful time recently, I ended up having a mini break-down again and wondered whether Mirtazapine was actually helping the depression. I visited the doctor who suggested I tried Venlafaxine.

Venlafaxine - Oh boy. I took one pill and had the most terrible reaction. Woke up in the middle of the night dripping in sweat, terribly nauseous, dizzy, light headed, tingly limbs, racing heart beat, panic attack, hyper active, crying, speaking so fast my tongue couldn't keep up with my brain - just a horrible, horrible reaction. The Doctor said to stop taking them, however, the effects of that one pill left me suffering for 5 days of horrible motion sickness and panic. In the short term, I have been put back on the Mirtazapine as I was starting to not be able to sleep again, but this time on a higher dose to see if it increases the anti-depressant element. We'll see what transpires as this si where I'm at today.

My fantasy drug is the anti-depressant effect of fluoxetine without the sexual side effects, but with the anti-anxiatant of mirtazapine but without the hunger.

Just thought Id share my experiences and seeing if any of them resonate with other forum members.