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Thread: Hello *SU TRIGGERS*

  1. #21
    Its difficult to do anything else at the moment to be honest. I feel that yesterdays extra low mood was caused by me, because I suggested he wasn't spending enough time with us. I do know what you mean Suzi, but because of the way he is at the moment, anything I say or do is easily taken out of context. I just keep thinking when he eventually gets an appt to speak to someone, its going to change this all around, and I will get my husband back. It doesn't work like that though does it?

  2. #22
    Moderator of Awesomeness magie06's Avatar
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    Hi there. Can I just say another welcome to DWD.

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    Blacklab (20-04-17)

  4. #23

  5. #24
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Marc is a very different person to the guy I met, fell in love with and married - but then so am I. You can get through this, but you have to learn to look after you too....
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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    Blacklab (20-04-17)

  7. #25
    Suzi can i ask how long you went through this to get to the other side please? x

  8. #26
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I've been with Marc for 18 years. Honestly lovely we still have bad days, but it does get better and it gets easier.... Talk to him.... You two loved each other enough to stay together and to get married. It's worth a few tough conversations to try to keep it... Have a look at time-to-change.
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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    Blacklab (20-04-17)

  10. #27
    Thanks Suzi. Now you see, this is the one of the hardest things for me. He went upstairs to talk on his phone at about 5.45pm. He is still up there now. 13 year old sat with me until 9 but he's in bed now and I'm alone. I find this very, very hard. I've just been up to make sure he is ok and hasn't fallen asleep, but nope, he is still on his phone.

  11. #28
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    He's talking to this person overseas? I don't think I'd cope well with that. Maybe you need to tell him how hurt you are by it?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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    Blacklab (21-04-17)

  13. #29
    Yes it was 'John' from Canada. I do believe 99% that it is who he says it is. I have tried many times to tell him how it makes me feel, but the result is, he takes it out of context, then shuts down and becomes very very low, seeing no point in having a life. He sees it as me trying to control his life, and stopping him from having 'friends'. I've said many times, if I thought it was another woman, I would have walked months ago. His daughter rang from Germany last night. He put John on hold, and spent a couple of minutes talking to her, then said he was talking to John. She then rang me. 13 year old said it was 'a joke' that he is always on the phone, bearing in mind he just knows that "Daddy isn't well at the moment", we haven't mentioned depression or anything like that. Apparently John calms him down. They don't talk about anything significant apparently, the weather, politics, his game etc. He doesn't talk about me apparently as he believes it is none of his business? When he was taken into hospital with stomach pains (before we realised it was his hernia), he clutched his phone for dear life, wouldn't let me hold it, and in between strong pains, was texting him! It seems the only choice I have at the moment is putting up with it. Hoping and praying this counselling is going to help him. I'm so sorry for harping on about this. Thank you for listening x

  14. #30
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Sweetie, you don't have to put up with it. There's being understanding and there's allowing him to walk all over you. I know he's ill and I've been where he is, but you and the kids are super important too.

    Everybody does this differently, but we had to tell our kids about my illness when my eldest was only 7 - she knew I was ill and thought I was dying because she didn't understand what was happening. They were so young but we explained things in a way they could understand and it was ok. They're wonderfully empathetic towards anyone now as a result.
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

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    Blacklab (21-04-17)

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