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Thread: Depressed Partner :Confusing Signals

  1. #1

    Depressed Partner :Confusing Signals

    Ok so to set the scene one year ago I met the most wonderful girl and from the start there was an instant spark. After we had been together for around three months she had some problems at work and informed me she had had depression in the past and been on anti-depressants a number of years ago. For around two weeks whilst this was going on at work she was not her usual self and seemed distant and went off sex which I have heard is quite normal during a bout of depression.

    Fast forward since then and everything has been great, even talking about once she gets rid of some financial commitments in the summer looking at moving in together. Not long after this trouble at work she got what could only be described as a dream job.

    The job has not turned out that way in more recent months however and that is where the confusion begins. She recently went away for a break with her family for a week and came back telling me how much she missed me etc. then we actually went away for a couple of days break ourselves which was amazing.

    After this two week break from work she returned and there is turmoil within work making a lot of people unhappy relating to things such as shifts and training, giving an overall down atmosphere as a whole.

    As we both work during the week we now only see each other on weekends but we text all the time on every work break we have and evenings etc, often remarking how much we love each other at the end of a message string (eg. bed time or end of break).

    So she was clearly upset and fuming at the big kick off at work on this day and I messaged that i was there if she wanted to speak about it and she said when she is like that she just wants to lie in bed in the dark. Fast forward to the Friday and after work she messages saying do i mind if she doesnt come over that night as she needs some alone time after what had gone on at work.

    Now at this point I was a bit selfish and initially was a bit selfish/upset about it but then I thought about it and said ok I am there if she needs me. She mentioned that when she is like that the slightest thing can rile or anger her so she didn't want to end up taking it out on me.

    Moving on another week to last week she suddenly stopped messaging every break, I could see she had been online or posting on facebook for example but she had not messaged me. Or she would message break but then not home time until hours after messaging im home now had my tea and such.

    On the Friday she was meeting her friends for a birthday night out (She doesn't really drink much herself so more a social thing). I had mentioned in a text in passing she could save on a taxi fare and stay at mine as I am in centre of town (This is something she has done before). She kind of skirted over the offer as it was part of a larger text then on the Friday just went out and got a taxi home.

    The Saturday we went out together for a meal, she was holding hands walking down the street etc but then in the restaurant when she would normally have been quite affectionate she seemed quite pre-occupied or distant.

    Anyways when she left Sunday we were both smiling etc and then she was messaging me a few times after getting home. So it got to bed time and she sent the usual bed time goodnight etc without love you. Thinking nothing of it I replied back saying good night love you and I got back a love you on its own. Now over the course of the days since Sunday she has not once actively said love you, she has just said things like "well back to work now" etc. still with kisses and such on and the majority of the times when I have replied ok love you I have had a love you back. (I know this might be me over analysing about the love you.)

    Anyhow early in the week I messaged her saying as we both have 4 days off for Easter how about we go on a trip or do something nice and she said she did not want to go far just wanted to chill so I said ok we could just go for walks and such local. I have not messaged asking what day she is coming and what she wants to do at weekend etc as I was thinking of just waiting to see what she says?

    Continued on next post as too long

  2. #2
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Surrey. UK
    Take things gently, talk to her. Let her tell you how she's feeling and let her take things slowly...
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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