Hi everyone,

Just wanted to chat about my situation. I am dealing with depression. The doctor has put me on citalopram for now (20mg). He has put me on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist for an assessment, as there is an indication that I may be bipolar.
I realise that I have cycles of severe depression, and very happy high states where I want to try everything, and unfortunately have made some irrational/risky decisions during those times, which have had large repercussions for my current self-esteem and confidence. I wasn't aware of it before, but now I am.

I am struggling with the fact that I have gone back on an anti-depressant. The last time I used them, I was 15 and it was for a short period (I am 28 now). I struggle with the decision because they don't coincide with my spiritual beliefs and I have a great distrust of them. I do realise that a doctor would describe these beliefs as delusions.

Does anybody else feel this way about the tablets? It's almost like it's just another experiment for me to even give them a chance this time. Also, is anybody here bipolar? I would like to know if you have any input, and how medication has affected you.
Obviously, I haven't had my assessment yet, and I'm not self-diagnosing, but I am curious.

I've been taking the citalopram at night, and when I wake up in the morning I feel quite wired, and my pupils are dilated. The doctor told me to keep an eye on things, and to get intouch if anything is out of the ordinary.
I just wish I'd receive my appointment letter already. I should have it in a few weeks.
Thanks for any input everyone x