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Thread: GF/ExGF Deep depression and no idea what to do

  1. #561
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    Suzi, I think Dad will get out next week and return to the Memory Care place. THey changed his roommate there for when he comes back. And the Dr's say he's doing very well where he is so he won't have to stay long.

    I'm kinda proud of myself, Suzi! It would have been really easy to try and jump in and here's $ for heat, lets see what we can do to fix all of this, please show me more attention...

    And went to the movies with Valerie yesterday and saw Pete's Dragon, then had dinner. She was a little distant but not too bad. And she asked me to go. not the other way around. But got a couple of nice texts from her later in the evening (I was home by 9 yesterday evening).

    I stay in perpetual confusion where women are concerned. LOL But I've decided all I can do is be me. People will like it or not. I don't know anything else to do. I obviously suck at putting on airs, or trying to be suave and debonair.

  2. #562
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Have you thought of actually talking to Valerie about your relationship? Do you want more?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  3. #563
    Hi Strat...you don't have to put on airs, be suave or debonair. Just be honest and considerate of others feelings. I can't help thinking that there's something that's 'blocking' the progress of your relationship on Valerie's side. I agree with Suzi. Having a good talk to Valerie on where all this is going. Is it going to be based on convenience? Is it something that will never pass first base? Are you happy with the way things are? And importantly, is Valerie the someone you'd wait forever for?...aren't I a nosy bitch?? One thing is certain though Dave, she's petrified of being hurt after her experiences in her first marriage. It's a difficult one isn't it?...anyway...nice that your back chatting.

  4. #564
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    Hey Flo! Nosy, nah! I like it!

    The truth is, after having the conversation about how she doesn't want love or commitment. She wants to be able to date someone else if she chooses to since I was the first man she's dated since her divorce. And how much she likes being able to do what she wants when she wants, I just eased up. She is still affectionate. I may hear from her several times in a day, or not at all. Sometimes she makes first contact in a day, sometimes it's me. It's very relaxed. But the fallout from that is I have no expectations. She told me that she will be very busy during the holidays and we may not see each other as often. But then in the same breath she may tell me she went to Christmas Wonderland and picked up a few gifts but didn't find anything for me. I have no idea where we are at or where she is at in her mind. I have no idea what to get her for Christmas. But when we are together, I just go on and be myself. WHatever that may be on that particular day.

    I'm up very early this morning. Partly because I received a call from my best friend from the Navy last night. His brother, who lived alone, had passed away and it took them days to find out that he has passed away, alone, in his house. He lived very far away. And my friend is telling me about all of these regrets that he has. And once we got off the phone, I was just swarmed with thoughts and emotions. I felt very badly for my friend but there was nothing I could do to help other than listen. I felt very badly for his brother(whom I'd never met) simply because no one should die alone. Will that be me? Do I just continue on as I have been? Do I talk to Valerie? Hell, do I talk to Lisa? Which by the way, while talking to my friend last night, he even brought Lisa up saying that his wife was seeing her on FB and things haven't been going well for her. They never told me.

    All I know is, the one thing I know that I HAVE to have before I can open up to someone is the knowledge that they care about me as much as I do them. Either through their actions, or their words. I need to feel secure that I'm not making an idiot out of myself. I have everything that I need. More than enough. Fantastic friends, people that care about me, guitars, a big white fluffy dog whose nose is tapping me on my arm as I type right now. I can play music as loud as I want, watch what I want on TV, go to symphonies. There's literally nothing that I lack (though don't get the wrong idea, it's not the lap of luxury, I'm just satisfied in those respects). But no matter what, the biggest thing I'm missing is someone to share it with. And without that, especailly as I get older, I kind of feel like I have nothing.

    I dunno, I think too much maybe.

  5. #565
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Can I ask you something. If you close your eyes and think about you in 10 years time who is with you? Can you see a future together for you and Valerie?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  6. #566
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    Hell Suzi, you know you can ask me anything!

    Honestly, I don't see it right now. I look forward to seeing her and I know she looks forward to seeing me. But I'm not certain I fit into her world. And I know that sometimes she has no idea what to do with me. I have very little brain-to-mouth filter. We were talking the other day and she said, "I've got to go take a shower and get my day going, Talk to you later" I said, "OK, Go get wet and sudsy and I'll think about that and get nothing done at work today. See ya soon." She laughed, was silent, then said "Bye Dave"

    And as I hung up, I thought, why do I say those things? And the answer is, it's just me.

    Her children know we are dating but I've never met them. And if they are in town, she's busy with them with no mention of come and have dinner and meet my kids. I think she has some guilt issues maybe for dating? Or again, I may think too much.

  7. #567
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    She may have but, truly, if you can't see a future, wouldn't you both be better off as friends - no pressure then ...,
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

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    stratguy (01-12-16)

  9. #568
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    I'm wondering if Paula is right? Have you two talked about the future much?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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    stratguy (01-12-16)

  11. #569
    Merry Christmas Strat!!.....what's it like where you are?

  12. #570
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Merry Christmas!
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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