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Thread: GF/ExGF Deep depression and no idea what to do

  1. #21
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    What kind of dance lessons?
    Do see the dr sweetheart, sounds like you could do with a bit of help.
    Can you redecorate or something? Make it a fresh start and clear out some negativity?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

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    stratguy (13-05-16)

  3. #22
    Hi....you certainly do have a lot of pain going on in your life at the moment, and I'm so sorry to hear that. Everyone has said before me what I would say. But may I add a bit more. Firstly , yes, do get some support for the way you are feeling You can't go on like this, you're going to make yourself ill! Forgive me for speaking plainly here...anything I say will come with fondness and empathy. Your lady is suffering from depression and possibly other problems related to this illness. Looking at the situation and what you have written about her behaviour, I can only say that when I experience a full blown episode ( and please realise that I'm only talking about myself)I become cocooned in a bubble where precious little makes sense, self hatred, despair, anxiety, no self worth or self esteem helpless and frightened and irrational..the list can be endless for depressives. My husband is one of the kindest, most loving person I have ever met. I isolate myself from him. I can't show love or affection. I'm numb and have become a hostage to this illness ( this of course is in it's worst phase). The brain in effect is shutting my body down giving me minimal function, in order that with or without medication it can repair. The real me has gone into meltdown. My husband goes through a grieving process for want of a better expression. He tries to help, cuddle me, reassure me and tells me he loves me 20 times a day!....with proper medication and therapy, I have no doubt that your GF will - and maybe is getting better. But it's a case of how long is a piece of string?..it will take as long as it takes. You have shown how much you love your GF. Said all that needs to be said. Done everyting that needs to be done. However much you try, you can do no more. Believe me, she knows you love her! It may take a long time for her to respond to everything you have shown. But one thing is certain. If you carry on in this state, you're going to get ill, and if you are, then you are no good for man nor beast. Least of all her!. She is lucky that she has someone as loving as you, but you need to be well. This is going to be a waiting game for you. Yes, make some changes in the house, and make some changes to you too. It may well be that one day she will contact you, and you can slowly rebuild your relationship. But I think that you have done enough. It could be of course, that you may have to accept that this won't happen. I'm a great believer that what is meant to be will be. Try and be positive and get on with your life, sure in the knowledge that you have done what you can. If I was in your shoes, I'd keep the messaging down to a minimum, just letting her know that you're supporting her. Maybe 'too much' may overwhelm her and put pressure on her. Let's hope (well I hope anyway, as I'm sure we all do) things will improve. Get yourself strong and back on track. Live your life in the most positive way, a day at a time. If she comes back, you want to be healthy and well, not a complete wreck!...have some faith too. Let's hope that one day you will be the loving couple that you once were. I'm known for plain talking, and hope this will help - most of us have been where you are. I'm also an affectionate, loving old soul!!Good luck with everything.

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  5. #23
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    Good morning, Suzi

    The dance lessons are pretty cool. There is a couple here that were professional dancers and dance teachers that have retired. So twice a week they give adult dance lessons for an hour. It costs $5.00 (according to google that's approx 3.5 Pounds) a lesson and they teach a different dance each month. So far I have learned the Rhumba, The Waltz, and the East Coast Swing. Now, granted I'm not an expert at any of them, but I've always wanted to know how to ballroom dance and this is a very good atmosphere, people and is very laid back.

    I can redecorate sort of. It's an older home with the 13 foot ceilings, built back in the late 1800's, etc. so there's only so much I can do with it. It's been nicely maintained - my Dad did the work on the house himself - but I can't make it a modern home - it just wouldn't work. I can paint and replace furniture but it's STILL what it is, if that makes sense. I originally had intentions of fixing it up very nicely, but of course that's when the gf was telling me how comfortable she was there and how much potential it had.

    So I think I'm going to move and either rent it or sell it. There's just too many memories there. I literally live in about 3 rooms because I can't make myself treat it like mine. And that was before all of the gf stuff began.

    I will give the Dr's office a ring. He might even be able to do something with the meds without me coming in and seeing him.

  6. #24
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Those dance lessons sound amazing! You signing up for "Dancing with the stars" (known here as Strictly come Dancing!) Then?

    I'm sorry about your house - it sounds beautiful!
    Have you spoken to your Dr?
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  7. #25
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    Hey Suzi
    The dance lessons are fun! I can honestly say that it is the only activity I do where I'm not thinking about Lisa. Next month is the Tango... THAT should be interesting So yes, if you see a grey haired, 53 year old man with a sad expression on his face on Strictly Come Dancing, then you will know it's me LOL

    I haven't talked to the Dr yet. On Fridays they close early. But it's offset by staying open later Mon-Thurs for people that can't get away from their jobs without losing wages. So Monday I will definitely call - I promise. Weekends are the worst.

    Thank you for talking to me, by the way. Moving to my Dad's house also removed me from close contact with my friends and I find that I talk to my dog a lot. If it wasn't for work - and now for this place - I would be a larger basketcase than I am

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  9. #26
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Have you got to know any of your other dance students?
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  10. #27
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    I have Paula! It's an odd mixture of older teenagers, people coming up to my age and some that are in their 70's and 80's. Most of them are couples already, but not all. I didn't realize it, but it's a little, dancing, sub-culture where they have dances at local Catholic Churches, or community Centers. I've met some very nice people. Occasionally, a few of us go get something to eat afterwards. One of my problems - and why I would like to move - is not only that the house is a big open wound for me, but also because it's in a small town in the middle of nowhere and the places I can go to meet people (such as dances) are so far away.

  11. #28
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    Well, so far away and, while I can accept meeting new people and making new friends, I'm SO not interested in anything romantic. As nutty as it may sound, I can't imagine being with anyone else - not even on a date. I feel like that would be cheating. I mean, I'm SO not a perfect man, but I just don't think it's in my DNA to tell someone I love them and will be there for them, then date someone else. Can't do it.

  12. #29
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    Hi Flo

    Thank you for your heartfelt words. I have much I would like to say and ask you and I will write when I get home, but I did want to say thank you for your reply.

  13. #30
    Bless you....there's nothing worse than knowing that someone is in pain. You must look after you first and foremost. If you're well, then you can help others. Take care.

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