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Thread: GF/ExGF Deep depression and no idea what to do

  1. #11
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    She always said that one of the things that she loved about me was I always let her know how I feel.

    And now isn't the time to hold back. Maybe you are right - I should just pour it all out.

    In the past (before I realized that depression was the problem) I've written her and said things like I know you love me and still think about me. If she were truly done (regardless of the reason), I have no doubt that she would let me know in no uncertain terms that I need to get lost. And we certainly wouldn't still be FB friends. So I have to hope that there's still a part of her that's hanging on.

    Also I want to say to you, Suzi, that this is a wonderful thing that you are doing. I had nowhere to go to express how I was feeling and how lost and sad I am. Thank you for this outlet. And for listening.

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    Suzi (11-05-16)

  3. #12
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    I recently bared all to someone. It didn't go according to plan then, but at least that person knows I care and, maybe, when that person is ready, they'll know the doors open itms
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

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    Flo (13-05-16)

  5. #13
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    I'm sorry to hear that it didn't go the way that you wanted, Paula. I'm pretty certain that mine won't either but like you, I want her to know that I care and that she can count on me. I don't have any idea if the CHristmas gifts will push her away, or if she'll be indifferent, or if she'll be touched, but I know that IF she does get better, she will recognize them for what they are and maybe in the future something can happen. I also know that I can't keep them around the house - there's enough reminders that make me sad, I don't need those to add to it.

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  7. #14
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by stratguy View Post
    Also I want to say to you, Suzi, that this is a wonderful thing that you are doing. I had nowhere to go to express how I was feeling and how lost and sad I am. Thank you for this outlet. And for listening.
    You are more than welcome. I'll always try to listen. Thank you for your kind words..
    Hey whether this works out with the lady in question, it'd be great for you to hang around a while - you seem like a lovely gentleman!
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Suzi For This Useful Post:

    Flo (13-05-16),magie06 (12-05-16)

  9. #15
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    Thank you for YOUR kind words I would love to hang around. It's very calming in a way to be surrounded by people that have shared a similar circumstance. And I've been guesting my way around long before I actually joined.

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    Suzi (12-05-16)

  11. #16
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    Well if I'm going to be here, I might as well take advantage of it... this morning has been awful. Nothing happened, nothing has changed, but I was driving into work (45 min drive) and I just started crying and couldn't stop. I had started off thinking about what I was going to put into the letter that I'm sending with the Christmas gifts, and I was overcome by how a relationship so fantastic could take such a turn with no explanation. I know I had ignored a few red flags while we were dating, but they seemed so insignificant at the time. How did THOSE turn into THIS??? And how can she possibly forget everything? All of the conversations about bed sheet colors, the hours at a restaurant ing off the waiters because we spent so much talking and not ordering for hours, the time she wrote me and said if this long distance thing is too hard for you and you want out, I would be heartbroken but would understand? And me calling her and saying this is the easiest thing I've ever done, you have moved into my heart so there's no distance there at all.

    How does that turn into THIS???

    And I know the answer is depression. I really do get that. But what am I supposed to do? I've been supportive. I tried getting her to talk and she drifted farther away and withdrew. I've stayed in contact enough for her to know how I feel. And I don't know if this letter should be short. I don't know if I should really pour out what I'm feeling (because some of it is anger and I can't help it)... I know that IF the depression isn't a symptom of a larger disorder, there is the possibility of continuing the relationship as she improves and I don't want to short circuit that.

    I'm just so full of love and doubt and fear and anger that I'm twisting in the wind emotionally and have no idea about anything, except that I truly love her and the year before this happened was the absolute best, bar none, year that I have had in my life. Everything reminds me of her. I can't listen to the radio, look around my house, go past the places that we loved to go where she held my hand and said "kiss me"... Jeez it's just tearing me up.

    Thanks for listening...

  12. #17
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Sweetie, have you talked to your dr and asked for support? It might be an idea.

    The letter should be what you need her to understand. Whether that's warts and all depends on you really
    I believe if you wear enough pretty lipstick, sparkly jewellery and great shoes, no one will notice the size of your ass

  13. #18
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    Hey Paula,
    I have talked to my Dr. I have a mild case of SAD that shows up in the winter months and take a low dose generic lexapro from about January through April. I haven't stopped it this time, and the Dr doubled the dosage. It has helped (which may be hard to believe what with me talking about crying my eyes out all the way to work lol).

    I did have a co worker, who has known me for 30 years, tell me the other day, I have seen you through deaths and divorce and other relationships, and I have never seen you like this. She also said that she will be surprised if I ever get married again or even have a lasting relationship with anyone else because I will always be waiting for her.

    And I think she's probably right. You know, if things don't work out in my favor. Always the optimist

  14. #19
    Not "nagging" really... Suzi's Avatar
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    Lexapro - known to us in the UK as esitalopram.. Sweetheart if it isn't helping enough then do go back and see your Dr and tell them exactly what's going on with you...
    “You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
    - Jon Kabat-Zinn

  15. #20
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    I probably should. I definitely am not dealing well with things. I will have a few good days in a row, then the weekend comes and I sleep. I have been trying to keep busy. I take dance lessons on Tuesday evenings and the socializing there is nice. And of course work everyday. But then I go home.. well it's all a really long story but had to put my Dad in memory care, and because of that I have his house. So I go home to the house and it's really not mine at all - it's my Mom (who has passed away) and my Dad's (who doesn't know who I am) house. It's also the house that me and my ex-wife (who passed away last year) and my daughter lived in the first year we were married. Every corner, every room, everything there is just one big memory. And then add in the memories of the now-depressed exgf running through the house and jumping into my arms... yeah, crying now, guess I do need to see the DR lol

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