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Thread: Jokes and one liners part deux

  1. #11
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    It is never wise to tell a woman that her place is in the kitchen. Remember, that is where the knives are kept.
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

  2. #12
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    I really need to stop blaming autocorrect and face the fact that I can't spill.
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

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    purplefan (29-02-16)

  4. #13
    I remember once in the 1960s i was on holiday in Cornwall with John Lennon. We got to the end of Cornwall and he said. "Imagine there's no Devon"?

    A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don't make the same mistake I did.

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    Paula (02-03-16)

  6. #14
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    Fsh
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

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    purplefan (02-03-16)

  8. #15
    what do you all a dinosaur with one eye?
    Do you think he sawar us.

    A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don't make the same mistake I did.

  9. #16
    Louis Van Gaal the Manchester united manager is showing a new young player round old trafford. The kid is awe struck and cant believed he has just signed for them.
    Louis said: " welcome to man utd the greatest club in the world, you will want for nothing here lad".
    "first off you are getting £60,000 a week" the young lad reply's "that's brilliant mr Van Gaal, all i ever got at Droylesden was £20.00 a week".
    Louie goes on. "Yes that's not all me lad" Sponsors want to give yo a new Aston martian DB8 and free petrol and road tax for the year".
    The young lad says: " thats amazing all i ever got at Droylesden was my bus fare home"
    "yes", speaking of that you will be moving into a club owned mansion with swimming pool and tennis court all rent free".
    "WoW " said the young lad At Droylesden i was still living with my parents".
    "And guess what"? said Mr.van Gaal. I am giving you your debut on Saturday against Manchester city" but don't worry if your tired because we can pull you off at half time". "blimey said they young man "all i ever got at Droylesden was an orange".

    A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don't make the same mistake I did.

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    Stella180 (03-03-16)

  11. #17
    If you go camping, don't go in the countryside.
    have you noticed that when police find a dead body, its always in a tent?

    A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don't make the same mistake I did.

  12. #18
    I am really very English at heart. I bought a book how to avoid dealing with your neighbours.
    Unfortunately i was out when it was delivered.

    A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don't make the same mistake I did.

  13. #19
    One of the worst job i had was when i was a Forensic pathologyst. I found a huge burial site of melted snowmen it was awful. Turned out it was just a field of carrots.

    A popsicle stick makes a great bookmark. But eat the popsicle first. Don't make the same mistake I did.

  14. #20
    SuperWoman Stella180's Avatar
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    The past. present and future walk into a bar.

    It was tense.
    ".Sometimes, you have to take a leap of faith first. The trust part comes later.”

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    Pen (19-07-16)

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