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Thread: Jokes and one liners part deux

  1. #11
    It is never wise to tell a woman that her place is in the kitchen. Remember, that is where the knives are kept.

  2. #12
    I really need to stop blaming autocorrect and face the fact that I can't spill.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to S deleted For This Useful Post:

    purplefan (29-02-16)

  4. #13
    I remember once in the 1960s i was on holiday in Cornwall with John Lennon. We got to the end of Cornwall and he said. "Imagine there's no Devon"?

    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.

  5. The Following User Says Thank You to purplefan For This Useful Post:

    Paula (02-03-16)

  6. #14
    What do you call a fish with no eyes?

    Fsh

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to S deleted For This Useful Post:

    purplefan (02-03-16)

  8. #15
    what do you all a dinosaur with one eye?
    Do you think he sawar us.

    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.

  9. #16
    Louis Van Gaal the Manchester united manager is showing a new young player round old trafford. The kid is awe struck and cant believed he has just signed for them.
    Louis said: " welcome to man utd the greatest club in the world, you will want for nothing here lad".
    "first off you are getting £60,000 a week" the young lad reply's "that's brilliant mr Van Gaal, all i ever got at Droylesden was £20.00 a week".
    Louie goes on. "Yes that's not all me lad" Sponsors want to give yo a new Aston martian DB8 and free petrol and road tax for the year".
    The young lad says: " thats amazing all i ever got at Droylesden was my bus fare home"
    "yes", speaking of that you will be moving into a club owned mansion with swimming pool and tennis court all rent free".
    "WoW " said the young lad At Droylesden i was still living with my parents".
    "And guess what"? said Mr.van Gaal. I am giving you your debut on Saturday against Manchester city" but don't worry if your tired because we can pull you off at half time". "blimey said they young man "all i ever got at Droylesden was an orange".

    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to purplefan For This Useful Post:

    S deleted (03-03-16)

  11. #17
    If you go camping, don't go in the countryside.
    have you noticed that when police find a dead body, its always in a tent?

    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.

  12. #18
    I am really very English at heart. I bought a book how to avoid dealing with your neighbours.
    Unfortunately i was out when it was delivered.

    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.

  13. #19
    One of the worst job i had was when i was a Forensic pathologyst. I found a huge burial site of melted snowmen it was awful. Turned out it was just a field of carrots.

    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.

  14. #20
    The past. present and future walk into a bar.

    It was tense.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to S deleted For This Useful Post:

    Pen (19-07-16)

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