Making / maintaining friendships

[rose]

I had loads of friends at school. I had an awesome best friend throughout secondary school and other very close friends too. I was in a big group of friends, and a smaller group of friends. Sometimes I sat with totally different groups at lunch. I must have the whole school year on my facebook....

But then what happened? Go forward 20 years and I don't really have anyone. I think I pushed everyone away. I lost touch with my big group of friends and fell out with my smaller group of friends. Me and my best friend just stopped talking... maybe we outgrew each other. I stopped answering texts or going to things I was invited to, I don't know why. I was always too tired. I found it hard to make new friends, people who I thought were friends from my old workplace I see on facebook, they all go to each other's hen nights and weddings and stuff... was I just missed off the email or something? I don't know.

I've become isolated. And what with 2016 being the year of doing new stuff I took a massive leap and I reached out to some old friends who messaged me for my birthday on Facebook. One has come back saying let's meet in March which is awesome, and she is in touch with two other people who will come along too, they are all from the big group of friends I had at school. I have pushed OH to stay in touch with his friends and make plans that I can be involved in so I can get to know his friends and their partners. Its actually a real challenge trying to make friends at this age but I think what's important to realise is that you are not the only person who is isolated. It's easy to think everyone else has loads of friends and is totally sorted, but that's just not true.

So, I am trying to make new friends.

[rose]

OK, SPICE sounds fun, maybe I should look into it?

[OldMike]

I used to be in SPICE mike so know what its all about lol!!!

I know you do Nita (my ESP powers told me so) lol, it was just for my own benefit and for other posters.

[Nita]

rose SPICE is really good for trying different experiences. There are different branches all the way around the country and there is a national one for holidays. Can join as a couple or as an individual.

There are some normal social things like bowling, cinema etc type things but also some other more exciting things. They have quizzes etc. I found the experience days good as its things like jewellery making, bread making, mosaics, painting etc depending on the area. I think you might be able to go along to one or two events without having to join but can't remember.

Mike - I think somewhere on here there is some stuff on an old thread where I talked about SPICE. Having been in the Navy I am open to all sorts of different experiences from the social events like bowling but also going all the way to Australia with them knowing absolutely no one on the holiday. But meeting some nice people through it.

[Zeppelin]

I've never had many friends and at times none. Most of my friends now I met through climbing, meeting the same people and climbing with them each week meant I had time to get to know them and by climbing together you're immediately having to put real trust in each other. This lead to days/weekends away to climb outside and then other activities as well. I have also made friends through meetup.com. I think I have been lucky in that I have met people who have then invited me out to do things. I'm not good at reaching out to people and making friends so am much better when I meet someone who is good at that and reaches out to me. I can go out and meet people and talk to people at meetup events etc. but not at taking things further.

[S deleted]

Ahhh, hmmm, yeah. I've never been great at making friends. I know a lot of people, from school, work, car clubs, darts etc. But I actually have very few friends that I interact with and most of them I've known for years. I came to learn that when drowning and reaching out to be saved the person who pulls you out of the water is often the person you least expect and the people you thought would be there are long gone. The only friend I have made and maintained in recent times is a lass who happened to put a tune i liked on the jukebox in a local pub while I was rather drunk. She gave me her FB details and we've been buddies ever since. It was a bit rocky at times due to my mood swings and stuff but she's kinda got used to me and my ways now, and she's the one who does a lot of the chasing which helps me a lot and she is always there for me no matter what. Other than that there is a lovely lady i met through darts about 3 yrs ago, who also has the ability to read me like a book. We dont see each other often but it's great when I do see her, but she's a bit protective over me.

I am very lucky to be surrounded by the people I have in my life now because they understand my struggles and accept me the way I am. They see something in me that I can't cos I I'm so used to pushing people away or screwing up some how having found a handful of people who stand their ground and won't leave my side I feel truly blessed.

[rose]

I don't have that. I don't have that one person who I can text a funny joke to or chat for hours over the phone. I used to have friendships like that, but they ended. People don't chase me to meet up, it's always the other way around.

[S deleted]

Rose i was always the one chasing others in the past. now if it was left to me to do the chasing it wouldn't happen. I simply don't have the heart to chase after someone's attention, cos I don't think id get it and don't feel worthy of it. I really dont know why the folk who have stuck by me through the tough times have bothered cos I don't have much to offer but they see something in me or they wouldn't bother

[Pen]

I have a real problem with friends always have. Like Mike I dont think I have had friends most of my life. I was bullied a lot at school and it has made me independent and introverted. Strangely I am quite happy and friendly around people, will chat to anyone but these people never become my friends. At college in the last few years I used to hang around with a few people and some of these I am still friendly with but not in a "go for a coffee and a chat" sort of way. Two people I thought I was friends with there hurt me quite badly and so I have become even more reluctant to make friends, I have become scared to let people in, it hurts too much.
The one exception I have is my friend M. We became friends through running a kids club together at church and she has resolutely stuck by me through all my illness. She makes an effort to come and have a coffee with me every week, which as she looks after 3 grandkids and her ailing hubby, is the church warden and a governor at the local school (and in her mid 70's) sometimes is tricky for her. She is my greatest fan.

[purplefan]

Sadly this is all too easy for me to answer, in a nutshell I've no friends,

You Do now. ME