Making / maintaining friendships

[rose]

This topic seems to be coming up quite a bit in other threads so I wondered if we could perhaps share some pearls of wisdom about making and maintaining friendships.

For those who have lots of friends, how did you meet your friends? Are they people you have known forever, or people you met recently? How much work does it take to maintain those friendships?

For those who have just a handful of friends.... is this because you find it hard to make friends with new people, do you find it hard to connect with people?

For those with no/few friends..... what can you do to make new friendships?

I'll share my experiences in a bit, but I just wanted to get the thread going.....

[Paula]

I have my 3 best friends, 2 of which I've known most of my life and 1 I met at my daughter's preschool. These 3 mean the world to me and I'd trust with my children's life. 1 is a teacher (head of dept), guiding leader and has 2 kids, on of which is on the ASD, so she's pretty busy and I don't get to see her as much as I'd like. The other 2 I see a couple of times a week and talk to everyday. The friend I met 11 years ago, I saw in the queue waiting to pick up our kids and she looked so shy, I thought I'd introduce myself. We've been through so much together, and she's the one person, other than my mum, that hubby trusts to look after me when I'm ill.

Other friends I've met through church, through the school run, through other friends etc. I've always found it easy to talk to people and maintaining friendships is vital to me to maintain my mental health. So I spend time with them - I contact them as often as I can, as much as I'm well enough to - though they're pretty good at calling me if I go quiet as they know that means I'm not too good.

[OldMike]

Sadly this is all too easy for me to answer, in a nutshell I've no friends, never had any at school or work and can't honestly see me having any friends at all (in real life).

While when I was younger this didn't seem to matter, I just lived in my ivory tower and life just passed me by, only now do I realise how much I've missed out on in life.

In my 40's I did start to go to singles clubs but got absolutely nowhere which made me feel so pathetic and that was a major part in me having a breakdown in my mid 40's (I'd probably be about 44 but that seems a lifetime ago).

End of last year I started to go to the over 60's luncheon club which is good.

About 2 weeks ago started to go to a bridge club (boy is the bidding process in that game totally confusing) at present seeing how that goes.

[Suzi]

Mike, your post is so sad. I wish you lived nearer. I know it's not the same, but I'd like to be a friend - if you'd have me?

It's quite a joke actually that I'll speak to anyone - a trait I inherited from my Dad who was about the most awesome person to ever have lived esp when it came to being social! He was loud, he was "in your face" and the headmistress and deputy of my very well to do private girls school had never met anyone like my Dad. He'd talk to anyone, believe that he was no better or worse than anyone else and he had a really strong faith. He very proudly went up to my head teacher grasping her in a very tight bear hug with "Alright my love?" and then proceeded to take over the duty of traffic duty and had great pleasure in doing it whilst all the Lords and Ladies, Aston Martin, Merc etc were directed by him. My Mum hated it!
Sorry, I digress!
I will talk to anyone, I don't have a great deal of friends - and most of the ones I have as my close friends I met online! My best friend who I can call any time of any day I met online and she lives in Wales. I love her to bits. She has depression and doesn't think highly of herself at all, but she should because she's amazing. I know that any time I need her, she'll be here. The same with when our middle one went on a school residential in Wales she was put down as one of her emergency contacts because I know that she'd treat my babies the same way I would. I've had her daughter to stay and she's just like her Mum which is nothing short of the best compliment in the world. Our friendship started by me being a bossy so and so and checking up on her that she'd taken her meds lol
I have other people who I went to school with, but I'm a very different person than who I was then..
Others I've made as friends/acquaintances through school runs, playgroups etc...

[Paula]

Just wanted to add, if it's feels like work, it's not a healthy friendship imho

[OldMike]

When you see it written down it does hurt that you are so alone, it never used to but seems to do now. I'd like you as a friend too Suzi, thanks (feeling a bit emotional now).

[Nita]

My friends have mostly come through work places where I have clicked with people and maintained the friendships after moving on. I also have met some people via SPICE as well

[magie06]

My best friend is my friend since we were in school. (And that's going back) She's the one at the end of the telephone when I need her and since our mutual friend died of breast cancer, she's been the best. We know each other's family (who I still call Mr. and Mrs.) and we can tell each other anything. She's been there for me when I had my back surgeries, and I was there when she had her surgery. I've meet other friends at mother and toddlers group that I used to bring Aisling too. Now I've made friends through waiting at the school gate and waiting for Aisling to come out of Beaver Scouts. I've friends at the day centre, and I've friends at my computer class. And I have all my friends here, different kind of friends, but friends none the less.

I think it was easier to make friends when I was younger, but that doesn't mean that I haven't made friends since. People come and go in your life and you make adjustments to suit. I have more friends now than I ever had, and I love the fact that I have different friends in different areas of my life.

[OldMike]

Just Googled SPICE and found this:-

SPICE - a social club for you to meet people and make new friends....

~ Have you ever thought, “I‘d love to do that, but I just don't know where to start”?
~ Do you want a new social life rather than just going to the pub, doing the DIY or watching TV?
~ Are you new to the area? Do you want to go out and not talk about work?
~ Have your friends settled into a life of “boring” domesticity whilst you want to go out and do something totally amazing?
~ Do you want to go into work on Monday morning with the details of your latest crazy adventure?
~ Do you want an instant social circle of like-minded fun loving up-for-it people?
~ Would you like an unbelievable “hobbies” section on your CV?

This is far too adventurous for me, I just want to chat to people not go off on some madcap adventure.

[Nita]

I used to be in SPICE mike so know what its all about lol!!!