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Thread: Jokes and one liners

  1. #11
    knowlesy
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    A lot of people have probably seen these but they crack me up.Clean language but may offend(nothing to bad-best to give a heads up though)
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XNDlr...e_gdata_player
    &http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Neo0h...e_gdata_player
    &http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLknS...e_gdata_player
    &http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1bEtd...e_gdata_player

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  3. #12
    knowlesy
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    This isnt a joke or one liner but is hilarious IMHO;
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JGS_C...e_gdata_player
    Last edited by knowlesy; 12-03-13 at 04:13 AM.

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  5. #13
    Knight of Spamswotting by Highest order of Chufty Badges Jarre's Avatar
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    I love milton jones

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  7. #14
    Crouching Hitwoman, Hidden Tea Lady amaeru's Avatar
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    Those were great! xx

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  9. #15
    Crouching Hitwoman, Hidden Tea Lady amaeru's Avatar
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    Plus here's one for the girls....

    In my next life..

    In this life I'm a woman
    In my next life.
    I'd like to be a bear....mm....

    You do nothing but sleep for six months.
    I COULD DEAL WITH THAT .

    Before you hibernate you're supposed to eat yourself stupid
    I COULD DEAL WITH THAT

    When you're a girl bear.
    You birth children (who are the size of
    walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake up to partially grown
    cute cuddly cubs.
    I COULD DEFINITELY DEAL WITH THAT

    If you are a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business.
    You swat anyone who bothers your cubs.
    If your cubs get out of line,you swat them too.
    I COULD DEAL WITH THAT.

    If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling.
    He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat

    YUP GONNA BE A BEAR!!!!!

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  11. #16
    knowlesy
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    That sounds good to me Amaeru!
    Was going to put Stewart Francis on too Jarre but each one had a joke that would have caused it to be removed & Tim Vine but I got a sore thumb by then

  12. #17
    Hero Member CeeCee's Avatar
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    I wanna be a bear!!!!!
    I wake up every day planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says, "Ha Ha! Good one!" And we laugh and laugh and then I take a nap.

  13. #18
    knowlesy
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    I can act like one with a sore at times

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  15. #19
    Crouching Hitwoman, Hidden Tea Lady amaeru's Avatar
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    Good medical advice


    1. F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.

    2. F***ing relaxes your mind & body.

    3. F***ing refreshes you.

    4. After F***ing don’t eat too much; go for more liquids.

    5. Try f***ing in bed cause it can save you valuable energy.

    6. F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol levels.


    SO, REMEMBER ..


    Fasting is good for health

    &

    may the good Lord cleanse your dirty mind..

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  17. #20
    Hero Member CeeCee's Avatar
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    I follow a guy on Twitter who tweets some awesome one-liners. Here's a sample:

    Do your clothes smell of Jedi? Must be body Yoda.
    My friend thinks he's a traffic island. He broke the news to me yesterday - in a roundabout way.
    Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Chicken doubt.
    Mum used to make us drink Milk of Amnesia. I forget why.

    I wake up every day planning to be productive and then a voice in my head says, "Ha Ha! Good one!" And we laugh and laugh and then I take a nap.

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