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Thread: Jokes and one liners

  1. 15-12-13, 08:19 PM #111
    purplefan
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    I'm watching match of the day and Alan Hansen said: "Wayne Rooney is second to nun"
    I thought why do't they play her?

    A ref walks into a bar and i though. It's all gonna kick off now.

    I used to have a pet clay pigeon. I made the mistake of calling him paul.

    I went down to the rubbish dump the other day and there were 100's of seagulls.
    I thought. Who threw them out.
    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.

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  3. 16-12-13, 03:50 PM #112
    purplefan
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    Doctor doctor i'm a kleptomaniac, i cant help stealing things!
    Don't worry take these pills.
    But what if they don't work?
    Then could you get me a 52 inch flat screen TV?

    Doctor doctor, I'm at death's door!
    don't worry, we'll soon pull you through

    Doctor doctor, Help me now! I'm getting shorter and shorter!
    just wait there and be a little patient

    Doctor, doctor I think I need glasses
    You certainly do missy, this is the fish and chip shop!

    Doctor doctor, what can you give me for the wind?
    here, try this kite
    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.

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  5. 16-12-13, 05:11 PM #113
    sidiam
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    Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
    A: An Impasta

    Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
    A: An Investigator

    Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
    A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!

    Sxx

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  7. 16-12-13, 06:18 PM #114
    Pen
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    Doctor Doctor I think I am a moth
    You need a psychiatrist, Im a dentist
    I know but your light was on...

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  9. 17-12-13, 11:14 AM #115
    purplefan
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    Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
    A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!
    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.

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  11. 17-12-13, 04:21 PM #116
    knowlesy
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    Think somebody was watching Tim Vine at the weekend............. Was very corny but hilarious esp the ventriloquist act

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  13. 17-12-13, 09:08 PM #117
    sidiam
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    Hi PF,
    You pinched my joke...

    I didn't see Tim Vine we only get BBC1&2 here. Not complaining always better than Dutch tv. got the jokes of puter,
    Sxx

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  15. 17-12-13, 09:17 PM #118
    sidiam
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    Q: Why do seals swim in salt water?
    A: Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

    OMG I'D FORGOTTEN ABOUT YO MAMA!!!!
    Yo mama so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

    Yo mama's head is so big, she don't have dreams, she has movies.

    Sxx
  16. 17-12-13, 09:21 PM #119
    AjaxKM
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    Yo mama owes me £10 she collapsed in the street and I had to catch a cab round her

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  18. 18-12-13, 07:27 PM #120
    purplefan
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    Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?
    He worked it out with a pencil,

    Yo mama is so ugly that people go as her for Halloween.
    They look at me and think I'm cool, I'm purplefan at night I rule.
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