Jokes and one liners

[Jarre]

Heres a few one liners from an American comedian called Stephen Wright

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.


I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.


OK, so what's the speed of dark?


How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?


Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.


Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.


Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.


Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.


I intend to live forever - so far, so good.


If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?


Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.


When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.


What happens if you get scared half to death twice?


I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.


Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?


A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.


Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.


To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research.


The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.