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Thread: To tell or not to tell

  1. #1
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    To tell or not to tell

    I know this is a real struggle for so many - to tell your employer or not. Interesting article .....

    http://www.theguardian.com/commentis...work-employers
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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    Suzi (08-07-15)

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    Hero Member rose's Avatar
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    At the job I left last year, my physical illness was treated with far more compassion than my mental illness. After my breakdown, my employer complained that I hadn't given a timeframe for when I would return to work. No such comment was made when I was hospitalised with IIH, in fact they encouraged me to work part-time for a bit.
    The place I worked this year, my boss took it upon himself to inform me that one of my team had suffered from depression in the past. That's the same as telling me a member of my team was in a car crash or broke a leg a couple of years ago. I just shrugged and said I'd also suffered from depression, I didn't see it as something I needed to be told.

    The stigma is there, its probably the biggest stigma at workplaces.

  4. #3
    You see I like to be up front and honest about my depression and anxiety. I shouldn't have to hide it from anyone but at the same time should I walk round with a post it note stuck to me forehead advertising it?

    When I was diagnosed with PND I spoke to my line manager and explained what was wrong and that I may need time off for hospital appointments as I had chosen therapy over medication initially, but I would try to make the appointments for outside working hours where possible and they were fine with it. When I started on meds and any changes made to my meds I notified them so if I had a reaction or any nasty side effects somebody knew what I was taking. Because of the nature of my job I didn't have to do that but I chose to as I believed it was best.

    Fast forward 6yrs, a company take over, many redundancies and new working contracts (I was still on the old contract) and I started getting severe panic attacks. I ended up off work for 5 1/2 months, and although the company did everything my the book and followed employment law to the lettter, I ws given an ultimatum. Return to work Monday (dispite still having a sick note which covered me for two more weeks) or resign. Of course I knew a bit about employment law myself and knew that is they wanted rid of me they would have to pay for the honour. My was given 1 weeks pay for each year of service and my contract terminated through incapacy.

    In interviews I have been honest, and during one interview the look on the managers face said it all, I may as well have just got up and walked out then and there, so I can see exactly what Ruby Wax is saying about saying nothing or even lying. For me tho I feel if I'm not honest about it, I'm not only lying to an employer, but I'm lying to myself, and doing an injustice to others who are suffering in silence. This is something we are trying to stop and we shouldn't have to pick and choose when to be honest or when to hide in the closet

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    Suzi (08-07-15)

  6. #4
    Hero Member rose's Avatar
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    In interviews I might be asked why I haven't worked for 6 months, I mention I was ill and couldn't take up my new job in January. They do not ask what I was ill with, and I do not volunteer the information. They are not allowed to ask. I know you like to be honest Stella, but if you feel well enough to work, why jeopardise your chances by giving information that could be used against you.

  7. #5
    But surely that is the point...Why should it be used against me? Plus to be perfectly honest if an employer won't employ me purely based on the fact I have a mental illness, I really don't want to work for them.

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    Amaya (09-07-15)

  9. #6
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    I wouldn't say anything either. You are right Stella it should not matter, but it still does. MH is not visible, its hard to understand for people who have no experience. I guess they see you as a higher risk with MH history problems and might think you are not able to cope with pressure. It will be a long time until MH is not a stigma anymore. Maybe by not admitting we suffer we help to keep this stigma going?

  10. #7
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Stella180 View Post
    For me tho I feel if I'm not honest about it, I'm not only lying to an employer, but I'm lying to myself, and doing an injustice to others who are suffering in silence. This is something we are trying to stop and we shouldn't have to pick and choose when to be honest or when to hide in the closet
    Completely agree. It's also why we've been honest to each teacher the sprogs have had - in fact last parent teacher evening for my girls I had to run out early as Marc was having a bad panic attack. No point lying, just was honest.
    If we aren't honest about it then it proves that there is something to hide about - something to be ashamed of. We then couldn't feel that we could tell our children that it isn't something to be frightened about... We had to face B struggling with anxiety and depression at 10. We couldn't then tell him that it was all going to be OK and yet hide Marc's illness.
    It also wouldn't be only us who it would affect - but we'd then have to tell our children not to say that Daddy wasn't very well. We wouldn't put them under that pressure...
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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    Paula (08-07-15)

  12. #8
    Hero Member rose's Avatar
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    I used to put my date of birth on my CV. When I took it off, the number of call-backs I got doubled.
    So clearly being a woman in my early 30s was counting against me. I'll leave people to ponder why that might be.

    Stigmas exist and I am not going to give ignorant people the chance to discriminate against me.
    Employers cannot ask if you have mental or physical disabilities, and therefore you do not have to tell them during the interview process.

    With regards to educating our children; yes we should tell them, in an age-appropriate way, about these issues.

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    Suzi (09-07-15)

  14. #9
    The stigma is definitely there after a random conversation today with a member of senior management where we talked about a load of things but then said oh the people that I don't get are those that self harm I mean what is that all about and it went on for a while. Me sat there thinking well its been part of my life but rather than say anything you don't. Its not the right way but my current employer doesn't know that I had a breakdown. All they know is that my brother was ill and that was enough. The risk of being discriminated against due to my illness and not be able to support myself is too much.

  15. #10
    I told my boss shortly after I was first diagnosed, he was actually ok and we talke a bit, turns out he'd suffered in the past. After that he was fairly useless and has even made some remarks which arn't right. I don't tell him anything at all now. I didn't even tell him when I was seeing the counsellor at work for an hour a week.
    I certainly wouldn't tell a prospective future employer if I could help it, I see no reason to. Someone may be prejudice purely because it's not something they understand rather than through discrimination as such.

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