Time Passing By and Fear of Failure *Triggers*

[Suzi]

hunni..

[April_is_beautiful]

Hi Selena, I'm a seasoned online dating website user and have concluded that although it's supposed to make meeting people easier (it does in a way) it is not an answer to finding a relationship/marriage because the guys on there are mostly misrepresenting themselves and putting things on their profile that they think women want to hear.

I met a guy for a few dates in 2007 and we chatted over the phone for ages and he was really sweet. Said he was 32 and 5'8" but this turned out not to be true and there's a whole story around this but would take too long to type out. Anyway, I went on a website recently and to my horror I was matched with him again and lo, apparently he was still 32 after all these years. What a miracle! I blocked him and left the website. I'd say about 5% of those I met were compatible but though I tried I just didn't have any chemistry with them. I know people who met their husbands online and I honestly don't know how they did it so it can be possible.

I've now joined a more niche website which seems to be a bit better though the people that seem to be OK are not in my geographical area which will make things difficult. I also date under a different name and have a separate pay as you go number as I've had stalkers in the past.

I met my previous partner through a professional dating agency which was expensive but on the whole I did get a better kind of man through it. However, I've found it was the same pattern repeating itself that the guy puts a mask on and basically 'acts' to get what he wants. If I'm honest with myself I probably did get some red flags but felt the other nice stuff at the time balanced it out. I am apparently what is classed as 'attractive' and tend to attract men with some level of narcisstic personality disorder as I'm probably a trophy for them. I'm a bit wiser to it now and know what to look for on profiles to avoid them. Often their profile will read like a resume of achievements and they'll seem perfect, I avoid financially successful men now. I also ask questions like "when was the last time you made a mistake?" as a narcissist has a hard time answering that question as it challenges his or her perfect self-image.

My piece of advice for myself and for others would be to be really strict with your boundaries. If someone is being pushy for an outcome, thinks they are "right" or just does something which doesn't sit quite right then LISTEN TO YOUR INTUITION.

[selena]

I'll listen to it but I'm a little tired of online dating, although I would want so much to give it a try on skype.

But I want to know the man better before I give him my FB.

[April_is_beautiful]

I'll listen to it but I'm a little tired of online dating, although I would want so much to give it a try on skype.

But I want to know the man better before I give him my FB.

I've been reading Evan Marckatz's blog recently. He has a really positive attitude to online dating. I don't agree with everything he says but I've definitely had some insights.

http://www.evanmarckatz.com/blog/

[selena]

Today has been apparently good day.

Talked to a woman who was angry with my boss. But this discussion hasn't brought anything, it really hurt my feelings. She told me something about her life and she kept on saying that other people deserve the worst and should be punished by God. She knows nothing about me, but the idea of 'meritology' has hurt some of my old wounds.

[Suzi]

I'm not surprised you are hurt.. I'm sad that she felt it was OK to do that..

[selena]

There's a thing that's getting on my nerves.

There's an apparently nice guy on dating. I understand that he wants more photos and skype, but I can't understand why after starting our discussion, he simply vanishes and does his thing without answering or at least saying 'good bye'. Maybe I'm not right and want them to be too perfect.

[April_is_beautiful]

That's called 'ghosting' when people cease communication in the hope you will go away because they are incapable of /unwilling to be straight with you. It's a sad fact of our modern culture.

Also, there's too much choice on the big dating sites, people just move onto the next person as they are always on the look out for 'something better' 'more convenient'. I think many people also have unrealistic expectations. I got chatting with a guy once, he seemed really interested then he found out I lived south of the city and he was in the north part of the city. He was unwilling to travel say 20 minutes to meet me. It's like he didn't want to put any effort in and expected me just to rock up in a négligée on his doorstep.

[Paula]

There's a thing that's getting on my nerves.

There's an apparently nice guy on dating. I understand that he wants more photos and skype, but I can't understand why after starting our discussion, he simply vanishes and does his thing without answering or at least saying 'good bye'. Maybe I'm not right and want them to be too perfect.

You are right, lovely, if nothing else it's simple manners. You matter, and he should treat you like you matter

[Suzi]

Then sweetheart move on from him. He's not good enough for you.