Hi Selena. I hope your mum and your grandmother are in good form. I bruise very easily too. Yesterday I had a backpack with me when I was in Dublin, and when I was putting it on my back, I bruised my arm putting it into the strap. I have a huge bruise on my arm that will probably take about a week to disappear. I think the medication means I bruise very easily.
Thank you, magie, it seems to have got better.
Like you know, I had been on Saturday at the premiere of the movie "Murder on the Orient Express". I wanted to see the 2017 version and my boss (what a surprise!) bought for some of us the tickets as a premium. It was nice and unexpected from her part. I enjoyed the movie and all of us were pleased too. One of the guys took some photos for boss and for us. When I saw the photo, I didn't think I looked worse than usually.
Well, my boss regardless of her crazy ideas and pressure, likes to promote her employees on social links, on her official page. For this, I don't enjoy so much the events, although I have a colleague who is fatter than me. Well, it's not about it. My boss put a photo.
My mom saw it and said that my condition is worse and that I'm looking not good and lost of my charm after the tragedy happened to her, that I'm ill and it's probably everything worse (maybe she is right, who knows). And that my period is late, but really I've had this year more periods than in the last 10 years, yes, there is stress too. I've been trying my best, I try to find out the truth, the reasons for my illness, I know she is anxious but this only increases the level of my anxiety and fear of cancer and death. I've lost some weight, but I cannot make it myself, or really the slender"me" from many years ago was better than I'm now? I think my depression is the only bad thing, otherwise I'm more accomplished and my inner world became more empathic and I've learned to be more humble.
Then she said why I'm so reserved and shy, but how can I be different if I'm reminded about it again and again?
I know she is not guilty and she is afraid of me too, but what am I expected to do, to hide forever?
Now I've started thinking that maybe it woud be better to remain single or maybe I don't deserve happiness.
She refuses psychological assistance, and that's hard. My mom told me only Church can return my charm, but I regularly attended religious services for years!
Yes, some miracles happened too, but I pray God that we shouldn't get worse and to protect us like other humans.
I'm just tired and sincerely not thinking I'm so horrible nor that everything resumes to temporary body standards.
Yes, she attended churh, but this didn't unfortunately save her from cancer diagnosis.
I love her, but she is stubborn and sometimes didn't even obey to medical orders. I know she did not intend to be mean, and she just wanted the slender variant of me back.
I tried dieting, but endocrinologist warned me that people with hormonal disorders can destroy their system through dieting and exercising without medical prescriptions.
Sorry for any grammar mistakes...
I'll put the photo later...
OldMike (13-11-17)
I'm also afraid of not being enough good daughter, that we had been cursed, that cancer and some other illnesses can eat us out.
I know that sounds stupid, at the moment only work saves me from getting mad, but this with drpping out my boss's occasional pressure.
OldMike (13-11-17)
You’re not fat, you dont look ill. Actually, you’ve got a pretty face. Only church can return your charm??? You never lost your charm! There is no ‘variant’ of you, you are you no matter the outside shell and she should be grateful to have such a loving, devoted, caring daughter. Without you she wouldn’t have got through the last few months
The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.
selena (13-11-17)
You've a beautiful face Selena and you're a delightful person so warm and kind.
77 and counting, less of the "Old" call me "Mike"
selena (13-11-17)
Thank you so much for encouragement.
Actually, I talked to online psychologist and he told me there is no place for shame, everybody is beautiful in his own way and we shouldn't try to appear in different way.
He said it is hard period I'm passing through, but this will pass away and there will be better days for sure.
As for my mom, it is hard without her refusal to accept any psychological counselling.
I'm sending hugs your way.
selena (13-11-17)
Hang on - is this the photo that you shared on Facebook? I think you look lovely!
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
selena (13-11-17)
Yes, Suzi and thanks.
She calmed down too and says she had been just anxious.
But she keeps on saying nasty, hurtful things to you and it's not fair....
Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!
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