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Thread: Time Passing By and Fear of Failure *Triggers*

  1. #1671
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    Hoping everybody is fine today.

    I have a very good news (although there are some bad ones too).

    First of all, do you believe in a kind of "magic" relation between two close relatives?
    I've started to think about my dad around a month and a half ago, and even started missing him!
    Before our first meeting some years ago (which was difficult one), we had never met again since their divorce (I was around 3-4) and he returned to his country.

    In fact, I decided to forget and forgive everything as he never harmed me or something, he was just missing in my life, it was really an empty place in this aspect. And I would say the most important was emotional impact.
    Despite some awkward moments, we got along well enough for our first meeting. There are some awkward moments and even when he hurt me with some inappropriate comments, it was not done deliberately I guess. He failed just to be responsible enough, but he is calmer then my Mom...definitely. However, I cannot say she ever talked badly about him. Now they admit their divorce was a failure, although his mom was very authoritative. And the events that followed after were horrible. My mom's life was hard as she wasn't probably appreciated enough by her parents. Her second marriage was tragic and the so called male having the role of my stepdad was horrible, she was abused and he always tried to touch me or hit me. After he had finally gone from our life, I often had nightmares in the first years that he would return back. I think my grandpa and later uncle were the only reason he didn't badly beat my mom and didn't dare to abuse me. However, it was living near a swine who always tried to ruin everything.

    I want to say I'm missing my dad, I forgave him for not being present in my life. I cannot say that I love him yet, but I'm attached to him already, he is a special person to me.It's strange to call someone "Dad" after all these years.He phoned me some time ago and asked how I am doing, apologizing for having failed to be a good father and saying that he loves me.
    So I decided to call him and his mom (my paternal grandma) today just to greet them. And I even called him for first time "dad". He said he was thinking about me too. He also has some health problems and will have a surgery after NY. I wish him full recovery. He apologized and said that he is really proud of me and I'm his only heir. And really willing to see me soon in Latvia. I know he loves me cause he loved my mum very much.

    My mom found what and told me:" You see, you complained that you didn't have a good father, and know you can remain orphan". Her words hurt me. It's true, but I never said something really negative either.
    I really appreciate what my mom did for me and I love her, but some of her comments hurt me. She said that I shouldn't be with a man of different religion for example. For me, it is not relevant, I believe in God, in my religion and I don't want my world be ruined. And my horrible stepdad was not muslim, so what? I know she cares, but nothing has been decided in my private life yet. Even her roomate at hospital told her:" Sweetie, leave the girl in peace and never wish her that something doesn't work out with a man X or Y. Do you want to have grandchildren? Then don't try to make her life impossible. She is adult and her PCOS is not a tragedy either ".

  2. #1672
    Princess Sparkles Paula's Avatar
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    Selena, that’s wonderful to hear! I’m so proud of you for making that call and your mums roommate sounds extremely sensible and kind
    The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.

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  4. #1673
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    I completely agree with Paula!
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


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    selena (17-12-17)

  6. #1674
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    I think the fact that my Dad cares about me has calmed me down and there is really a slight improvement in my condition.

  7. #1675
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    That's brilliant. You see I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't care about you - you're lovely!
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  8. #1676
    Queen of Crafting magie06's Avatar
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    Hi. How are your plans going for Christmas? Have you finished work now?

  9. #1677
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    Hi and thanks for asking.

    I've worked half day today. But unfortunately here we have shortened holiday time. December 25 was declared bank holiday. That is a good news.

    But the next day it is my boss's birthday and I'm already anxious. Our new HR manager is so strange and unfortunately does not try to respect the other people Christmas time.

    On December 26, we should be by 8 am at her office in the centre of the city,congratulate her then heading up to our office again for work, then at 6 pm to be in the Center at nightclub for celebration of my boss's birthday. My mom feels better, but still, and she gets anxious if I stay there till late. And I have no mood for any fun and especially some hypocrite declarations.
    As for me, I really appreciate my boss anyway, but feeling no need to praise her like a Goddess, just a nice present and saying big thank you.

  10. #1678
    Boss Lady ;) Suzi's Avatar
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    That's not good that you only get the one day off. Maybe the party will be better than you think? The last few social engagements have been, haven't they?
    Do a little of something that makes you happy every day!


  11. #1679
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    Yes, who knows, maybe it's my anxiety. But the idea of being there at 8am for simle congratulations is just awkward and stupid.

  12. #1680
    Queen of Crafting magie06's Avatar
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    It seems so strange to me that you would go back to work on the 26th. That is a bank holiday here and a lot of places will be closed for the full week, especially the offices. You have some strange customs in your country. (Or maybe it's my country that is a little strange). Please enjoy Christmas day and I pray that 2018 will be a healthier and happier year for you.

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    selena (23-12-17)

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