Loneliness

[mitz]

yes loneliness can be a difficult one. some people can be alone and not feel lonely. I think is more to do with what you think you should have in life, compared with what you actually do have. so about expectations. but we are all social animals of course, and are meant to live in tribes/groups, so its natural to want company. I don't think there is anything 'wrong' as such about feeling lonely - its a very normal human emotion - particularly in our society which perpetuates loneliness and individualism. So its okay to feel lonely and accepting the loneliness can help, if you can do that. Its good your have connection to the church, as that is a good way of connecting - to a community and to a higher purpose. Sometimes its nice to remember that you are always connected to something even if you can't 'see' it, as you are connected and part of the universe and you can never really be alone. I know that doesn't always help when you are feeling very lonely and down.

[purplefan]

mitz.
Thanks for that, thats a very helpful post. Sometimes when i am sitting in starbucks on my own having a coffee and see people come in and chat away dose make me feel i want to have more friends. I do like my own company (but i want to get out more)

[Lee-SW]

I suffer from loneliness and it's the worst feeling. I don't have a partner, whereas most of my friends do. Through no fault, many friends just don't keep in touch as they have busy lives. I'm not 'alone' in some sense, as I am very busy meeting people, and new people, with my work (although they are often much older). More often than not I end up alone at home, at the cinema or even on holiday and that has now become a big problem.

Often it's more that I don't know enough people to 'relate' to; loneliness is a feeling and not always a physical thing.

[OldMike]

This is how I see it :-

~ Being alone is not loneliness.
~ Being alone and not wanting to be alone that is loneliness.

Others may not agree with this, it's just my personal definition.

[purplefan]

I think it is a good definition mike.
Hi lee.sw.
I was in the same predicament a few years ago. After my divorce i found i was the only one of my friends who was not married. Suddenly i was a loose wheel.
No one called me so i ended up staying it.
it was not easy but i had to go and make new friends. I joined the church witch was a big help but there are loads of stuff you could do.
voluntary work for example. I know it is a tough situation but coming on the net is a big way to meet people. These guys have become my friends and although we have never met we share a lot.

[Lee-SW]

Thank you, purplefan. I don't want to join a church, a choir or anything that involves much older people. I run choirs as part of my work, and am surrounded by oldies all the time. I also sing in a band, which I love, but again it is made up of older people. Which would be fine if it were balanced out by being with friends my own age. I know I work more hours than I should as I'm constantly trying to fill my time. I'm 47 and feel 77. I'm interested in the arts. Can't bear amateur dramatics. I would just love to have somewhere to go, even once a week, to be with younger people. Anyone have any ideas?

[OldMike]

Hey what's wrong with us older folks

Was going to suggest amateur dramatics not necessarily acting but the backstage stuff like making or painting scenery and the likes, but looks like you've ruled that out.

Are there art groups/clubs near where you live where you could go? To maybe discuss/show paintings, drawings, ceramics or poetry etc.

Are there any book clubs near you? Where you read designated books then meet up to discuss what you've read.

What about a local technical college they may have art classes there.

Just a few ideas.

[purplefan]

I know! i'm an absolute delight to know.

I look fab in my 16inch purple flairs plat form shoes and cheese cloth shirt and psychedelic hair. I keep up with all the latest fashion and music.
Is the grateful dead still on the go?

[purplefan]

Thank you, purplefan. I don't want to join a church, a choir or anything that involves much older people. I run choirs as part of my work, and am surrounded by oldies all the time. I also sing in a band, which I love, but again it is made up of older people. Which would be fine if it were balanced out by being with friends my own age. I know I work more hours than I should as I'm constantly trying to fill my time. I'm 47 and feel 77. I'm interested in the arts. Can't bear amateur dramatics. I would just love to have somewhere to go, even once a week, to be with younger people. Anyone have any ideas?

You dont have to join a church. Why not check out your local Library to see whats going on in your area. its hard when you get stuck in a rut but making the effort is always worth it.

[Suzi]

What about something completely different? What about taking an adult ed course in something? What about volunteering?