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If he’s feeling anything like I did, it’s not about not bothering to reassure you, it may not be intentional. When I’m ill I can’t cope with emotionally charged conversations, at all. So the easiest way round that is avoidance - keep quiet and hope the conversation is over quickly itms
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Marc and I have been together for almost 19 years. We've had good times and bad times, but it's about getting the help and working through things together.
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Yeah you're probably both right.. It's just so lonely even sitting watching a film together.. He's got his back to me in a corner whereas normally we would be cuddled up together.. I feel bad for even wanting one and I certainly don't feel it's okay to get one.
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He said today that he feels lovely despite everyone being around him. He's being very negative and thinking he won't get better, calling himself broken and asking why I love a broken man. I've told him to start forcing himself to be positive and pinch himself when he is being negative.
I am not sure what else to suggest..? Or try.
I ask how I can help and he says he doesn't know, just that he feels nothing at all.
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When's his next Drs appointment? Can you go with him? I really think he needs to see them...
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It's the 6th April... He doesn't want me to go with him.. I've offered plenty of times and he's always said that he doesn't feel comfortable.....
He has a telephone assessment for therapy today... I hope that goes well..
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That previous post was meant to say lonely not lovely
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How did the call go, do you know?
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It's fine to ask him how it went...
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He missed the call.. So will have to reschedule it on Tuesday after the bank holiday...
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Why did he miss it? Accidental or on purpose?
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Accidental.. He was at work at the time...
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Fair enough, hope he calls to rearrange.
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I hope so too.. I just want him to get better..! Still no progress at 3 weeks.. Although I did give him a cuddle in bed last night and he seemed to cuddle his back into me a bit more..! I am just so scared.....
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The meds need more time and then it's possible that he'll need a dosage adjustment
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I know people have said that thast they take between 6 to 8 weeks to start affecting him, if he needs a dosage adjustment how would that impact when he starts to feel better..?
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It generally takes the same length of time for dose changes to work too I'm afraid. It's not a quick fix but the right medication can save lives.
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I completely agree with everything Jaq's said.
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I know it isn't... Sadly he's wanting one.... I wish I knew what to say when he's feeling low and telling me he's fed up.. I just wish I knew what could even help....
If the meds haven't started to improve things by now is it likely he will need a dosage adjustment..??
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We're not medically qualified to answer that one lovely. That's down to his GP to sort with him. The GP might even suggest a complete change of medication if he's still having bad side effects...
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I don’t always want my hubby to say something when I’m low, mostly I need hugs
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He says he doesnt feel anything at all when I hug him.. So I don't even think that helps....
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Dont give up, just knowing you love him is enough at the moment, even if he doesn’t feel it
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I had a bad bout of depression 2 years ago and all my husband could do was hug me. I could hardly string a sentence together let alone talk to him. I didn't see my daughter or grandchildren because I felt so numb - this is someone that can talk the hind legs off a donkey! All you can do is be there for him and give him a cuddle. Don't take his lack of conversation or intimacy personally. A lot of people with depression withdraw. The poor old brain can't handle much at all. It's frustrating that AD's take such a long time to kick in. And yes, he may need to have a dosage changed. But he'll get there in the end. It's a horrible thing to have, and even more horrible for partners to witness when they feel powerless to help. But it's not YOU. Everything crossed that he starts to feel better soon. Just keep loving him.
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Paula and Flo are right. It's tough, but you can do it...
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Thank you all so much.... I am so happy I found this forum.. Just to hear that people have gone through the same and come out the other side is so positive and keeps me feeling optimistic...
We went out with another couple last night and we had a really good time... He does seem to be less withdrawn and much more talkative and comfortable.. He even begun talking about our future again yesterday which makes me want to cry tears of joy....
It really really is tough.. Every time he cries and says he's fed up and wants to give up it breaks my heart... A couple of days ago he said he didn't think he could do it anymore and I just sat there telling him how strong he is and how he can beat this and get better.. How he has fought worse than this and got through it... I am trying to keep him strong even if I don't particularly feel strong myself...
The side effects also have seemed to wind down in the recent couple of days too.. He seems to be sleeping better (perhaps helped by the fact I bought us a super thick and soft mattress topper) and doesn't seem to have to run to the toilet after every meal.. He does still have a bad tummy when he goes but it's not as urgent anymore thankfully....
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Him sleeping better will help a lot. Even if he fancies a nap during the day when time allows. The weather isn't going to be all that great but a bit of a walk, fresh air and things to see can help too. The new mattress topper sounds lovely!!(wasntme)
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Yeah I always let him nap when he feels he needs it.. I only ever wake him up when dinner is ready or we need to go out etc.. I am hoping things start to make a progressive turn... I certainly miss the old days but I am keeping positive that they will return soon enough....
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I'm so glad you are both talking. It really will help. I'm so glad that the side effects seem to be lessening too.
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Yeah I am glad he's talking to me too.. I am just trying to do really nice things for him and letting him feel loved..
Like last night I ran him a bath and while he was having a bath I set up the living room with candles and little snacks and blankets so he could come in and relax... Granted I know that's not going to fix things but I just want him to feel a little more like there's good things for him to focus on....
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When we went out Saturday night he had gotten a bit drunk... He was more touchy feely and even gave me a proper kiss... I know I sound like I am a teenager but it's been so long since he has kissed me like that and it was just nice... He was drunk when he did it and didn't remember it the following day but I was glad that I at least got a kiss....
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Gutted he had to be drunk to do it and he's forgotten that he done it but small victories I guess... He still doesn't want much physical interaction when he's sober and seems to pull away or get frustrated when I ask if I can cuddle him.. I think stopping myself from pulling back and being cold with him is the hardest part...
It sounds terrible but my birthday is coming up and I am really dreading it... At the moment I don't feel like his partner at all so I am dreading feeling like this on my birthday at the end of the month...
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Have you planned anything for your birthday?
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Make sure you plan something to do to make you feel good on your birthday lovely....
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No I haven't... Normally he plans something and then my parents plan something so I tend not to bother..
My dad asked him yesterday and he seemed to have an idea of what he wants to do.. But I'd rather do nothing if it's just going to be difficult or lonely.....
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Can you plan to do something with a girl friend? Lunch out or something?
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All progress has gone out the window... Feeling a little low today as it's period time and it's making me a bit teary especially with all that's going on.. I told my partner I had period pain (which I did have) and that's why I was crying and he kept trying to ask me if I wanted tablets and stuff... I didn't want to and he kept asking why so in the end I just said I am just feeling a bit emotional because that's how periods make us women feel and he asked if it was because of him...
I said no it's not at all and he asked if I would tell him if he wasn't messed up.. I told him he wasn't messed up abdbhe said he was and he's miserable.. I said that he's not been miserable the last couple of days and he said he's been doing his hardest to smile lately and it's doing his head in pretending to be fine and he went out to get something for dinner....
Now I feel like crap.....
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