Don't know what to do about work (SH)

They said I've made no progress and I have 3 weeks to improve. I don't know if they'd then have to give me a notice period or if I'm kicked out straight away.

did You have a representative there for you? Someone who can tell you if they’re following proper procedure and who can make sure you get the right level of support

I had a union representative with me, but when she asked me to clarify things I think I just ended up digging myself a deeper hole.

Are they giving you extra support or training?

Not as a result of today's meeting. They say they've done everything reasonable to make changes but I'm at a complete loss as to how I can work any harder.

I just look at the list of jobs I have to do and I panic. I can't decide which jobs to do first because I can guarantee no matter which ones I pick they'll be the wrong ones. There's one that's had over 35 hours and is only 25% done. I could pour entire days into it, not finish it and not get anything else done.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DcN8MFAWsAERvrj.png

What does your union rep have to say about it all?

I've been to see her this morning and she's agreed to see me tomorrow afternoon.

It might help to make a bullet point list of what your issues are?

I'll do that. Today I've been given more work than can be completed in one day to be ready for Tuesday. With the bank holiday in the way, I've had to stay back at work an extra hour.
Had I stuck with my usual finish time, I'd have been asked why the work wasn't done when it was essential. Now that I have done the extra hour, I won't be offered overtime or even thanked for showing a willingness to go the extra mile.

Avoiding the temptation to cut myself again, I've gone into a store cupboard and screamed until my throat hurt and my vision went strange, with little white dots flashing all over the place.

After all I've tried to fit in, there'll be something I've done that's inexcusably wrong by the time I come back on Tuesday. I'll have to wait until Tuesday to find out what it is, so there's no point in me guessing at this point.

If it weren't for my friends here I'd probably just head to the bus station Tuesday morning and see where I end up.

This is not doing you any good at all. When did you last see your Dr?

November probably. I've cancelled all of my medical appointments since January just to make my boss complain less.

can I suggest that you check your contract, if you haven’t already, to see your rights re time off for medical appointments? Also, most surgeries open out of hours (my surgery has one late shift per week and one Saturday surgery in every four, for instance) so could you not make an appointment out of work hours?

It’s not ideal, but could you not take a half days holiday?

Tony, let's be honest. You are having suicidal thoughts, screaming into cupboards until you are having physical issues, stressed out, hating it etc and you don't think you should get an appointment until November? I think that's completely unrealistic. As Paula says there are options. Tbh I think you'd be better off working in any other job rather than this...

Sorry, I must have mis-interpreted the previous question. I haven't seen my doctor since November. I'll try to get an after hours appointment when the surgery re-opens on Tuesday.

Although I may be justified in feeling overwhelmed. I've heard of other technicians leaving other sites and while I haven't been told the reasons, I can guess it's because of the sheer amount of work we're all given to do. Apparently one guy just left without telling anyone in advance earlier this week.

Please do get an urgent appointment. You need help....

You need to focus on you and your future, not on what other people are doing, Tony

I'm not saying that how I'm feeling is right, I just think that I'm not the only one in the organisation who's feeling pressure to leave.
But 9am tomorrow I'll call my GP surgery, even though I'll be at work. If anyone looks into my office window they'll probably just think I'm calling a technical helpline, so I shouldn't get into trouble.

Although I've been at home for 3 days and I'm not feeling the pressure right now. I'll probably feel the pressure tomorrow morning, but I'll try my best.

Hope you managed to call to see your GP and I hope when you see them that you're going to be 100% honest about how you are feeling - including the suicidal thoughts and the screaming into cupboards...

It took just over an hour to get through, between the busy switch-board and a half dozen urgent tasks, but I now have an appointment for 2 weeks on Monday.

Did you not tell them that it was urgent?

That does seem too far off for you right now

I told them it was urgent, but they said they had nothing sooner and if it's urgent I should call 999.

Can you not call each morning as more appointments are released? Or ask for a cancellation?

I called again just a few minutes ago and they said to get a same-day appointment I need to call at 8am. No cancellations have come up yet.

Also I'm being accused of not having equipment ready for an evening meeting I wasn't informed of. According to the complainant, the equipment wasn't working at all.
I replied by email to tell him that I was told that morning that it wasn't working, but I had it fixed about an hour later. I CC'd in my union rep.

My union rep informs me that the equipment was working at the evening meeting and that the complainant was demonstrating it to a visitor.
It's clear to me that someone's making things up just so the management will want rid of me even quicker.

Then you need to call at 8am tomorrow and the next day and so on until you get an appointment.

I don't know why anyone would be that vindictive or lie so blatantly! I think maybe you need to keep your union rep informed of all these things so you can show that you are struggling with your workload, your managers, other staff, the rules about who you can and can't eat with etc...

Sorry about the double post. I wrote about the appointment, then read my emails and wrote the next post right away. On most forums I have access to edit my posts, but I guess there's a reason why that's not available on here.

The list of troubles I'm having is getting longer, but I've signed up with the National Autistic Society's online community and told them what's going on. They say some of it sounds like discrimination, so I may have grounds for legal action.

That's why I suggest talking it all through and logging it with your rep.
Yup, there is a long reason why there is no access to edit posts ;)

I tried at 8, but it was engaged. I kept trying for the next 15 minutes, but people were getting impatient with me and I was told to stop wasting time on the phone because I was needed away from my office.

OK, well try again tomorrow.... I think you need to explain that you aren't wasting time, you're trying to get a Drs appointment.

So, I hope you’re going to try again tomorrow at 8? And tell them it’s a priority?

I'll call again, but if the lines are busy and I keep trying I might get told off. Then I clam up and start with one of my few allowed coping mechanisms (over-eating, screaming in a store room or cutting myself).

It might be easier just to have the morning off for a better chance of having my call answered.

If you are harming yourself then you need to get an appointment or go to A+E...

I still couldn't get through until after 9, then they told me to try again on Monday.
Then I went and hid in the disabled toilet and cried it out. I don't know how long I was in there but I got a radio call asking for me so I tidied myself up and started working.

If you’ve been calling day after day and can’t get an appointment, it suggests to me they don’t realise how ill you are. Please, please keep trying today to at least get a telephone call with your doctor

If you're still feeling like this then get to A+E over the weekend. I completely agree with what Paula says. They can't know how bad you are.

I don't know what to say to my wife. She'll ask where I'm going and if I say it's to the hospital she'll then ask what's wrong and I don't know what to say.

You tell her that you are having suicidal/self harm thoughts or that you have hurt yourself and you need medical assistance. You shouldn't have to hide this from her at all.

She’s your wife, she should know if you’re feeling like this but won’t if you don’t tell her. Please talk to her

I'll talk with her when the kids are asleep. I don't want to scare them too.