You look awesome! :)
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You look awesome! :)
Thanks ladies :) I surprised myself by actually buying it!
Feel absolutely shattered tonight, and only 1 appointment down.
Beautiful!
What’s on the agenda tomorrow?
Doctors to review my med increase. Probably a good idea as I'm currently laid in bed shaking and don't want to close my eyes
That dress is lovely and lovely on you hunni,
Why didn't you want to close your eyes lovely?
How are you?
Feeling pretty low today. The pain from the procedure reminded me of how I felt after the assault in May, and if I'm honest, it was starting to make me feel very off while I was still on the table. I got through ok until I got into bed though. Every time I closed my eyes I could see what he did to me. J rang me as he drove home from work though, hearing his voice helped calm me a hell of a lot.
(bear) thank you for telling us, lovely, I know how hard that is (bear)
I am so proud of you for telling us. It's so hard to do. Have you thought about speaking to specialist counsellors?
I haven't. It's hard enough to talk in regular counselling sometimes.
Just got out of the doctors. He's leaving my medication as it is at the moment as he feels his hands are tied with what he can try me on as I've tried pretty much everything he can give me. He's made a note that I can have some quite high moods too so he's decided to write for some advice from the Rapid Response team and see what they suggest. He checked my phone number so I think I can expect a call off them sometime soon.
I hope so love.
The thing with specialist counselling is that they know why you're there and will be able to help you break into it and talk about it.. I'm not going to push, but I wouldn't be where I am today without having some..
I will think about it Suzi.
Skin is crawling tonight. Just had a shower, which has helped a bit, and once my hair is dry I'm planning on starting a boxset to distract me, but I have a really strong urge to scratch and I'm agitated.
Well done with all you've been through in the last day or two. You are doing so well. I'll leave a hug for you. (panda)
Sweetie, yesterday was a trauma and you’ve got to do the waiting game for the results. Do whatever you need to to recover from this and don’t beat yourself up - any woman would need space to get her head round this (panda)
I'm trying to relax and cut myself some slack but I'm feeling so agitated that it's difficult. I'm clenching my jaw and finding it very difficult to relax, I've hardly drank anything today and only just realised. I will do better tomorrow as J is coming round and tends to kick my arse if I don't look after myself. I'm finding it difficult to sit still, and just want to scratch so figuring sitting swinging my legs and keeping my fingers busy is the lesser of two evils. Despite my hands flaring up. And my thoughts are racing, even typing this everything feels very disjointed.
How are you today lovely? I'm sorry yesterday wasn't brilliant, but you did so well love.
I'm plodding. Seeing J today so happy about that :) and I've lost 3kg since I was weighed at the hospital so happy about that too! Other then that, slightly on edge.
Well done on the weightloss - how are you doing it?
My eating and drinking isn't great at the moment, especiallybwith being poorly over christmas.
Oh lovely, can you add that into things to try hard with?
And I've just chickened out answering the phone to the mental health team as I was in the car with my parents! I'm pathetic!
Why didn't you want to talk to them?
I won't speak to them in front of people as I would downplay how much I struggle. I rang them back and the woman who left the voicemail said it wasn't her! They've said I'll get another call.
OK lovely... Hope you speak to them tomorrow..
Hi Hunni, how are you?
I'm tired. Had counselling this morning and my thoughts were so jumbled that I struggled to remember what I was talking about. I've told her about my gp's referral and she's going to email their clinical lead too about it and see what they can do.
Still playing telephone tennis with the rapid response team too, they rang as I was leaving for counselling. They've said they'll call back this afternoon.
Have you heard anything yet? Be honest with them love.
Glad that the counsellor is going to be in touch with them too...
Not a dickiebird yet
You are probably tired after this morning. Any chance you would be kind to yourself this afternoon?
I've just been laid watching No Offence. Still waiting for this phone call too!
Well done for resting. Anything on the phone front?
Nothing at all
Can you try and call them tomorrow?
I will see if they ring me tomorrow, I know that the service is stretched and I wasn't referred as an emergency.
I've been an absolute nightmare tonight, or I think I have been, and J has sat and talked me through it all. It's thrown me a bit as I'm not used to people bothering when I'm in a bad place.
But for those of you who haven't seen on fb. I've bitten the bullet and applied for a BSc in Psychology with Counselling through the Open University. I found out a little while ago that my funding is all in place and I start studying the first module at the end of the month :)
That's brilliant! Well done!
In what way were you a nightmare?
I am so proud of you!
He shouldn't tell you that you are stupid because you aren't... Mistaken when you feel like that definitely, as you are very definitely worth lots of good things!
WTF is a gibbs slap?
You've never seen NCIS then? (giggle) type Gibbs slap in to the gif part on messenger and you'll see. It's my own fault for teaching him bad habits.
He never fails to make me feel like I am special to him or make sure that I'm ok before he leaves. I'm not used to it.
Finally had that phone call! The woman I spoke to feels that I would be best to have a face to face assesment with a mental health professional. Not going to hold my breath.