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Thank you ladies (panda)
Much better day yesterday. Busy painting away and a lovely time with visitors. Got to get off the ward and my mood has lifted. New day today (the start of week two!) and my auntie and uncle and brother are coming to see me. Starting to paint the small flower pots for tea lights this morning, too.
Have a lovely day all xxx
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Well done lovely. You are doing so well! I'm so proud of you! Have a lovely day spending time with your family.
Well done on the increased weight, colour and blood tests. You are fabulous.
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Well done on all your results yesterday. You are doing so well. And look, you've week one done already. I'm glad that you've got a steady stream of visitors calling to you, but I'm not surprised because your warm personality and your welcoming nature make you a very approachable person. It comes through on everything you write here so don't be surprised.
Have you cut out a design onto the flower pots for the tea lights, or have they already been cut out for you?
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Hey Magie,
I paint the design myself. Draw it out and paint it in! Did nine tea light holders today - Christmas pudding ones, Golden Bell ones a D Golden star ones!
Had a much better day today.
The OT did drop in though and I expressed all my concerns about the ED services and how I had felt let down when she asked me how I wanted to go forward once discharged. Didn't end that well with her walking out and me half-laughing, saying 'Okay, take it easy!!' There's not a very nice side to me sometimes, although I feel I was right in everything I expressed.
Day nine tomorrow.
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Much better day today. Feeling more settled. Think it's because I've overcome the worst and that hospital admission is more in sight!
Productive painting day. Already sold 13 pots and 4 tea lights before I've even started the stall! Two nurses have reserved pots, one requested a design I'm doing for her tomorrow and another took six pots home the other day! So many people keep saying I should set up a business!
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I’m so proud of you and so glad you’re feeling better about being in hospital :)
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Thank you, lovely!
I've looked into this little business venture now to discover I have enough time to apply to sell my produce at a Reindeer Parade in a little market town where they have a monthly farmers market through the year. Exciting!
Yeah, feeling better about it. Still looking forward to getting out and getting home mind, don't get me wrong haha!
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Sounds like you are doing brilliantly with your pots! Actually sounds like you're doing pretty well whilst I've been awol.. I'm so pleased to see you still fighting this and winning! Still need to see pics of your pots!
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Oh dear, Suzi! What's up? Hope you're okay hun!
Yes, the pots have really taken off! Who'd have thought? I will upload photos when I get home, promise!
Nice day again today. My childhood friend found out I was ill yesterday, took the day off work, caught a five hour bus to come to see me before going home tomorrow! Wow! My family have been and ARE a huge support.
Hope all is well with you!! Xx
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As Suzi is under orders to REST and not spend too much time on the forum, I’m hoping she won’t see your post to respond for a few days lol.
So, she’s fine, she’s had a planned op and just needs to recoup for a little while
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You sound so well. You are doing brilliantly. I hope you are into your last few days with that tube and you'll be back home where all your family are.
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Aw thanks for letting me know, Paula!
I hope Suzi is alright and look forward to hearing from her when she's feeling better!
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Thanks Magie!
You're the second person who's said that I sound so well now! Hitting rock bottom has really helped me to want to get back up. My experience of being in hospital has also showed me that the anxiety is much worse than the reality and that I really can deal with a lot of 'stuff'. When I get home and feel like I can't cope with work or whatever, I can look at this experience and see that - even though tough at the start - I not just came through it, but came through it with positivity!
Oh God yes, I will be pleased to see the back end of this bloody tube! Haha!
The OT is coming again tomorrow to discuss the plan for how I can move forward in the community once discharged and then I'm meeting the clinical lead on Tuesday so by then I should know if I will be out once the two weeks are up. I hope so!
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Hi. How is today going? You are probably over run with visitors. Enjoy all your company. The days go faster when people call in.
We've had cake here because it's my husband's birthday. We just said goodbye to his sisters who called after lunch. It's so nice to have someone call even if it's only for a short while.
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Shh, hope that all is going well. You are doing brilliantly! I love that your friend showed you that love by doing that amazing day trip!
You really are rather awesome you know!
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Hey Magie!
Aw, sounds like you've had a lovely day your end! You're right, it's lovely spending time with loved ones. (panda)
Another surprise visitor came today! One of the Nuns from the order I worked with in Calcutta last year! It honestly made my day because she's just so lovely! The visitors really help!
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Suzi!!
You are wonderfully awesome!! But I've heard you should be resting so REST!! ;) Only reply to this question once well-rested: How are you feeling? :) I hope you're well! Take care of yourself and thanks everyone for the on-going encouragement.
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I am resting! I promise! I'm popping in because I want to, not because I have to ;) How am I feeling? A bit like I've been hit by a 10 ton truck, but I saw "lovely, gentle nurse" today rather than "I'm digging for gold nurse of the walk in centre" who I saw yesterday...
So, if I'm doing what I need to - resting, being looked after and being repacked and redressed every day, I assume you're doing what you need to to get well? I know you hate the tube, but once you've got the essentials in place then you can get rid of it, but keep on eating?
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Hi Em, how was today? I did very little today. I met a friend for coffee in the morning, and went shopping with Gerry at lunch time. Since then very little. Although since dinner I've done a few rows of knitting.
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You’ve been quiet today. You ok?
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Aww Suzi!! (panda)
Aw sorry to hear you feel like you've been hit by a ten ton truck!! Sending lots of hugs, hun! (bear)
So good to hear that you're resting and doing what you need to get well. Lots of self-care, treats and nice things for Suzi now, okay?? (happy) You deserve it!! :)
That's great about the lovely gentle nurse you saw. When people genuinely care, it makes all the difference! Sorry about the other nurse, but remember that's HER problem so give it back to HER! (ninja) hehe!
Hope you feel better soon!! Take care of yourself,
Em xx
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Hiya Magie,
Well sometimes it's nice to have days where you don't do very much just to relax and take things easy. :) Although to me it sounds like you still had a pretty nice and productive day having coffee, going shopping and doing some knitting!
The Nuns who visited me on Sunday actually recently received a donation of knitting needles and wool and suggested I knit blankets for the homeless. What a great idea! Although I'm not, ahem, that great at knitting hehe!
What kind of things do you knit? :)
Yesterday was a mixed bag but overall good and my mood is in a good place. Didn't have any pots to paint but spent the day doing some 'adult colouring' as my visitors bought me some books and pencils. Didn't know if I would enjoy it but it's really relaxing, takes up loads of time and the end product looks great! I also now have my own room. It's huge with a massive window, my own TV, a big table for painting and loads of space for visitors. Slept like a baby thanks to not having to share with snoring patients hehe!
However, the OT was due to come. She set the appointment last Thursday for 1pm yesterday. I wrote down a list of the type of support I wanted post-discharge and was literally just waiting for her when she called FIFTEEN minutes before 1pm to say she's coming 'some time' tomorrow. To me, this just says 'I don't care about you whatsoever' and 'I can't be arsed'. She did this even after I expressed how let down I felt by the service last week. I text her my feelings and her reply was 'ok Emily, see you tomorrow'. No apology. No 'sorry you feel that way'. Nothing.
She makes me feel like sh*t. When your self-esteem is rock bottom and you have no self-confidence and are suffering with an illness caused by feelings of not being good enough.... It honestly hurts when the people who are supposed to support you treat you with such indifference. She sees me as an eating disorder and nothing else. She sees me as a mental health statistic and a number on her chart and as long as I don't die under her 'care' and all the boxes are ticked, she can pick up her betty pay check and swan home to watch EastEnders. I actually feel hatred towards this woman and I don't hate anyone. :@
Roll on the letter of complaint. People with such indifference and no empathy or genuine care shouldn't be in this line of work. Sorry for the rant!! Felt better to get that out though haha!!
Have a lovely day everyone! Big hugs Magie! Xx
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Hi Paula!
Thanks for checking in on me, hun.
As you can see from my rant, that probably contributed to my quietness. Also there was a query at 2.30pm yesterday that my tube had moved inside me so after an X-ray and a six hour wait it was confirmed it wasn't. Phew! If it had moved, I would have had to have had this one taken out and a new one put in straight after. Gross!
So I was feeling bummed out by the OT's lack of giving a sh*t and was a little anxious bout the tube situation. Still, I made it through day 12!
Hope all is well with yoooou!! (bear) xx
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Hi Em. I'm so annoyed for you having to put up with that kind of treatment. No on in my book. If you have to cancel an appointment at least do so with an apology and as much notice as possible.
I'm knitting a shawl for my mum for Christmas. She's in a wheelchair and her shoulders get cold, so I'm knitting her something to put over them. At this stage there isn't a lot more that she needs. I've knit a lot of stuff over the years. I've been knitting since school and I don't think there's a lot that I haven't tried. Earlier this year, DWD was 10 years old and I knit Suzi a little mascot in the DWD colours along with a bunch of flowers and a bottle of bubbly. He was cute. Last year I knit a number of baby blankets for charity. They send around baby boxes to the maternity hospitals for people whose baby dies before birth or shortly afterwards. The parents can then decide whether to bury their baby wrapped in the blanket or keep it as a reminder of their little one.
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Oh sweetheart that's terrible!
Glad you have your own room now, sounds much better - but also more isolating, so will you make a massive effort to still get out and talk to people?
Glad that the colouring is helping.
I'm really cross about that OT.
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Hi Magie,
Totally agree. OT update! She came by today and I told her all the help I wanted when discharged. Turns out the service can provide me with a dietician, a psychologist, a nurse and a therapist. Umm so why was I lumped with an incompetent occupational therapist for five months with no mention of these other mental health professionals being available to me?!
She instantly started banging on about me not eating solid food. The doctors and nurses here have a totally different approach and respect that it's difficult for me to be tube fed AND eat. So they're not pressuring me to. OT also banged on about me not being able to have therapy until my BMI was 15. Why be negative? I know this and I'm in hospital being fed to gain weight. I'm talking about the future. I told her the damage in our relationship was irreparable and that I no longer wanted to work with HER.
I couldn't help myself so asked her why she wanted to work with people with eating disorders. She said 'because I want to'. I laughed and said, 'yeah, but why?' She said she didn't have to explain herself to me and got up to leave. I laughed and asked why she was going and she said she didn't want to be with me anymore. I called after her, 'Goodbye you horrible person' and a lovely nurse later informed me that I made the OT cry. Well, good. She makes me feel like sh*t so it won't hurt her to know how she makes service users feel.
I also wrote a letter of complaint. Felt so good to scribble it all down. I'll return to it and send it in future.
So today has been really tough. Met with the clinical lead and it seems I'm going to be here for ages. I'd say at least another two weeks.
Own room is nice, but is a bit isolating. I'm getting a room mate tonight in her twenties. All other patients are very elderly and mostly bedridden so not much chatting to be done, Suzi! Haha!
Wow Magie! Your knitting sounds amazing!! So lovely that you are using your talent in such a positive and kind way to benefit others!! That's so lovely that you're knitting for your mother and what you made for Suzi sounds awesome!! Wow, what you knitted for charity sounds so beautiful too! What a great way to use your talents!
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Oh sweetheart, I know that’s not what you wanted to hear from the clinical lead but hopefully the extra time will ensure you really are on your way to wellness and means less chance of a relapse. Big hugs, lovely
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Thanks Paula.
You're right. Hospital isn't bad but it's not home. Although at this time, home means relapse.
I trust the professionals. I wouldn't be here if I didn't need to be.
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I know it sucks, but you really are doing the right thing putting your health first lovely... I'm so glad you have got things out of your head with the OT and the complaint letter.
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Thanks Suzi. It's for the best I'm here. I know that.
Yeah, no more stupid OT!
How you feeling? X
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Hi Em. How was today for you? Did you get out into the fresh air or anything. I've been busy all day and tomorrow is not looking any better. I'll go to weight watchers and then to physio and I think after that I'll have time for a lie down. Still it's better than sitting at home on my own.
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I'm better than I was thanks love.
Hope that you're having a good day...
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Good morning Em. Back from WW and physio. I got on great. Home now again to sort out the shoe boxes and get them ready to go out the door. It was a dreadful morning here, raining all morning, floods everywhere. But it's stopped now and the sun is trying to come out. It's not cold though. The temp in the car was 13 degrees. Hopefully we've seen the end of the rain and we can get out for a walk shortly.
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Hi sweetie, how are you doing?
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Hi there. How was your day?
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Hey Magie!
How are you doing?
Glad the physio is going well and I hope the rain stopped so you could go out for a nice walk. How's the weather doing your end now? It was glorious sunshine with us a couple of days ago and my mother and I sat outside on a bench. I lay back and let the sun beat down on me. It made my day. I hadn't been outside in almost two weeks!! Then it rained all day the next day. Classic Wales. The sun doesn't stay out too long. Hehe!
You mentioned sorting out shoeboxes and the charity Operational Christmas Child came to mind. As you mentioned you've knitted for charity at Christmas previously, I wondered if this was what you were using the shoe boxes for?
Wishing you a happy Friday and a lovely weekend! Sending E-Hugs,
Em xxx
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Morning Suzi, Paula and Magie!
Aw Suzi, glad you're feeling a little better hunny. Lots of rest, self-care and treats for you, I hope!!
How are you all doing today?
The ED team came yesterday - minus the OT! Sher completely out of my life now and I'm proud of myself for standing up for myself!! The team leader actually apologised to me that I had received a negative experience of treatment under their services so far and and insisted I take the complaints procedure information so that they could review their approach to benefit future service users. The people who met with me were very encouraging, kind and empathetic. They actually asked ME how I was and didn't prattle on about BMI and eating food all the time. A lot of support is in place for when I am discharged and I'm also putting in a referral to an inpatient eating disorder service JUST in case I start to relapse at home. I can't put my family through that again. It's not fair to them or to me.
Clinical Lead is reducing my tube feed for me to make up the loss with oral supplements. I will comply all this week and as things are moving in the right direction, I should be discharged next week! I'm really happy about this. I'm also telling myself that when next week comes, they may decide I need another week, because I know how things go haha! But it won't be any longer than another two weeks.
Lots of pots painted. Flowery ones now. I've sold another two to a health care worker and a cleaner! Trust me to go to hospital and get a job haha! Really want to start working when I'm discharged. I feel I need it to help my depression and my ED recovery.
Lots of love to you all xxx
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I am so glad you don't have to deal with that OT again and that the ED team have been so helpful, and supportive! Definitely what you need, rather than telling off!
So, the stall is a go then? Do you have enough stock yet?