you know who gives kids a bad name?
posh and becks
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you know who gives kids a bad name?
posh and becks
It's 1901, and the housekeeper and maids of The Big House are going to get their annual group photo taken. They get to the photographers and housekeeper takes young mary the innocent tweeny maid under her wing. They're all sitting there, and mary says:" Why is he getting that big sheet?" "He's going to focus" HK says. An aghast mary replies: "What? all of us?!!" ......No?...maybe not then.:s
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
Four fonts walk into a bar the barman says ''Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here''
A beautiful white stallion walks into a bar and orders a pint of lager. The barman, with a smug grin on his face says: "We've got a Whisky named after you"....horse says: "What? Eric?!"
Two aerials meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony was crap but the reception was brilliant
A guy fell in to a vat of varnish and drowned, he had a terrible end but a beautiful finish.
Two sandwiches walk into a bar and the barman says: " sorry but we don't serve food in hear".
Englishman Irish man and a Scottish man walk into a bar and bar tender says 'Is this a bad joke?'
Thank goodness for Halloween, all of a sudden, cobwebs in my house are decorations!
lol laughing hard(rofl)
I was in sainsbury's the other night looking at sausages and i came across the Jamie Oliver Brand and there is a nice photo of him on the box holding a sausage with a fork. In the cooking instructions it says "Prick with fork". And i though they are not wrong there.
Scientists have found the gene that makes people shy.
It was hiding behind another gene.
Paddy and Mick were having a chat in the local and Mick turns to Paddy and says:" Do you know Christmas falls on a Friday this year paddy?" Paddy Says: Begora, (sorry maggie) Mick i did not know that, i hope idont fall on the 13th".
Did you hear about the Irish turkey? He is looking forward to christmas.
i'll get my coat.
Why did Van Gogh become a painter? Because he didn't have an ear for music.
What do you call a mixed media artist without a girlfriend?
Homeless.
What's the main difference between an electrician and a potter?
An electrician washes his hands AFTER he has gone to the toilet, but a potter washes his hands BEFORE he goes to the toilet.
What is the question most art graduates regularly ask after getting their degrees?
"Would you like to add fries to that order?"
(giggle)
What do you call someone who hangs around musicians all day?
A Drummer.
(rofl) (rofl) I'm still talking to an amazing drummer I met at Uni and I often throw that kind of comment at him! (rofl) (rofl)
What do you call a kid who doesn't believe in Santa? A rebel without a Claus.
What do you call a line of men waiting for a haircut?
A barberqueue.
Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?
Cos they were two deer.
(rofl) you must have the same box of Christmas crackers as m stella. (giggle)
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin mobile.
What did Santa say to his wife when he looked out of the window? It looks like reindeer
I was going past this rubbish tip today and saw a flock of seagulls flying over the rubbish.
I thought, who threw them out?
What happened when Santa went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker
A man limps into th doctors and stands and says: "HELLO", DOCTOR IVE GOT A SORE BUM AND I CANT SIT DOWN". The doctor said: "There is no need to shout just drop your trousers and lean over the couch and let the dog see the rabbit". SO, the guy took his trousers down and bent over. Himmmm Th doctor went."That is odd". "Whats the matter doctor"? Asked the man. "well", said the doctor you have a mince pie stuck up your arse". "A what" said the man. "A mince pie" said the doctor. "Can you give me anything for it" asked the man. "Well" said the doctor."I could give you some cream".
What Christmas carol is sang in the desert? O camel ye faithful
What do vampires sing on New Years Eve? Auld Fang Syne
What do the workers at sports direct get for their Christmas lunch?
About 5 minutes.
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can't beat it!
While camping one night, I remember looking up at the sky, the moon was full, not a cloud in sight. The stars twinkled brightly and every now and then a shooting star flashed by. I could make out Jupiter and Mars, the Milky way.. As I pondered upon this wondrous sight, I thought...
Who the hell pinched my tent?
What do you give to the man who has everything for Christmas?
Penicillin
I brought some Christmas presents online the other day and I used my donor card instead of my debit card
It cost me an arm and a leg