Why can't you accept this diagnosis?
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Why can't you accept this diagnosis?
It's because I want to be like the majority of people, but every time remember of certain restrictions related to my illness. Mentally speaking, I've got it, but not by my soul.
Hunni, trust me. The sooner you accept it, and work with it the easier it will be. I know how hard it can be, but sweetheart it is an important step...
Yes, I really want to accept this.
But I think I'm going insane with all these sudden fluctuations: headaches, fast growing of facial hair ( on my right side of chin) and plucking it again and again, and now sensation of lump in the throat and back of tongue, i'm really afraid of having a thyroid nodule or something worse. My doc says I still have nothing to worry, it's just result of hormonal fluctuations as things have been positive, but I don't get the cause of this turn.
I've also started to think that my mother deserved a better daughter, me being too self-centered and when we're together the only thing to discuss is my illness. I'm her only daughter and in a bad health, now I think that people should better have at least two children, in case one is ill or something the other could succeed, just such a failure mood.
You aren't a failure and I don't think your Mother would ever say or think that at all about you. I am sure that you are perfect to her whether you have illness or not.
Sweetheart you need to listen to your GP, it sounds like you are worrying yourself silly over something that may never happen!
You're right, it's not her feeling, it's just mine.
Maybe you should tell her that's how you are feeling?
I told her, she is not upset and even proud of my achievements, but she is sad because of everything that happened to me.
Can you do the three positives for every day? I keep a diary and I try to include 3 positives about me, although some times its difficult.
Sometimes my positives may be that I showered, I took my medication, and I didn't stay up too late!
Other days if I had done housework, gone for a swim or did something with Aisling, then the positives are easy to write.
It is quite difficult to do on some days but it is so worthwhile, and on very difficult days, you can look back on your previous days and say things are not as bad as I thought.
magie06, thank you for suggestion, I think I'll try doing this way.
When I was on a short trip abroad, I kept diary and it helped.
Diarys are great.
Due to say I've barely left my house this summer.
By autumn, I'll get better. I don't know what to say, the things improved but my expectations had been higher, I've hoped for full recovery.
Trying to read something new about people, most young and teens, who had been struck hard by a serious illness just like me or worse.
My life is not the same as it was supposed to be.
I don't feel like I'm able to do office work now, just freelance and I want to change my place, maybe for a period.
Nothing wrong with freelance. Always needed somewhere. Do you think you are able for work?
Thank you all.
I'm just on the point of getting into hysterics, i've heard my mum saying that she's afraid I could have cancer or another kind of tumour. I have PCOS for many years and last year there was some progress, but recently I've coped with some bad health moments. I'm aware she's afraid because she's my mother and I'm her only child, but that's insupportable, especially when she starts in a way blaming herself, although she knows it has nothing to do with her.
I'm afraid, on this point I googled " euthanasia" issue, because I'm already fed up with an illness and I don't want any additional physical sufferings.
I wish to move in another country, because other causes and even this panic affect my mental health a lot.
On other side, I want to move on and before getting to sleep I have only positive images of my future, or is it also a bad sign?
I'm really confused.
Try writing everything down. You could put pros on one side and cons on the other. It would take all the words out of your head, and leave them aside until morning.
Mother's blame themselves for everything. It doesn't matter if it could be down to them or not. Trust me. Mother's guilt is horrific!
Have you spoken to her about all this?
It's the end of summer and I am confused. I know I should push myself to a change, find a job and move on. But my anxiety continues to getting me down, just like " What's the point of it, if nothing radically changes?"
And I am saddened by the fact that my work hasn't been paid yet, at least I didn't give all piece of translation, I was paid just for the first 25 pages. It was literary translation and the woman ( apparently author) seemed to me strange, and I should have thought better before taking it. But I enjoy this kind of work and wanted to put it on my cv, unfortunately no news since May...
She apologized saying that their company is out of money now.
I really enjoyed translating her piece of work and building a new universe in a different language, I even noticed some historical mistakes and rewrote text in the right variant.
It's historical love romance with mystery elements and happy end. Whilst I don't agree with everything in the story, the heroine becomes close to me, although it may sound strange.
That isn't good of that company, but maybe you could still put it on your CV?
Could you ask for that agreement?
Always an idea...
Sometimes the black thoughts occur to my mind, but I try to move them out...
Apparently nothing new, but once again my pcos symptoms have got milder and my doc can see progress. She insists that I should be more patient.
It's strange but after severe symptoms have gone away, I've begun thinking about how wonderful it will be if I ever become mother, especially of a daughter...
I don't think that's strange, lovely. I have friends with PCOS who have kids, and my cousin had endometriosis so severe she was told there was no way shed ever conceive - her daughter is now 14 years old
Certainly not strange lovely..
Now I'm starting to find a job and move on, and it's not easy.
I try to forget about my last work and it's stupid but I'm still feeling connected to the heroine of the romance I translated.
And maggie's advice was really helpful, I try to write 3 positives every day.
What's the new job?
Yesterday I had another breakdown and got into hysterics. What was the cause? I saw my old photos when I was healthy and started thinking of how I am horrible now. Of course it's only put me down and I was on the edge, wanting just to cry and vanish. I still can't feel calm while looking in the mirror. The other day I stopped and asked my mother to hide these photos, because they're a trigger for me and I'm trying to move on.
Another bad news was about the death of an ex-neighbour who was really a kind woman of good heart, I'm so sorry for her...
I understand that about photos, but you're not horrible now. Because you're a beautiful person and that will shine through
You aren't horrible at all lovely lady x
I've had panic attack and experienced a bad anxiety mood. When I'm facing these moods, I'm feeling desperate and just want to vanish from this earth.
I'm trying to find job, but here is difficult to find free-lance job, so it's basically the office option or nearly. I'm feeling awfully because I don't want to live on my family' s money ( like the last three months).
I hate everything around me ( not exactly about people, just this atmosphere around). It's so difficult, I want to move on but before taking this step I should earn some more money.
Another thing - it's probably stupid what I'm gonna say, I know I have PCOS and I'm overweight. My things have however got better, and probably because I'm alone I just want to make some friendships. I know I'll be laughed by these men, but want to try.
Ok, but what normal man would want a rather young woman with 38 inches waist?
I could hide some embarassing moments, but he will see it. Apparently people say that my face is pretty and I have nice eyes. And my legs are rather normal. I could register on dating site, ok I'm ready for being rejected, but if not he will anyway see what I am and? Or should I wait before I lose more weight? But I've been exercising this year and being on a diet, and my doc says that the process of slimming is slowly and could take an unknown period of time because of hormonal level and thyroid. What would you advise me to do in this case?
I'm registered on some pcos online groups and I've come across a photo of a woman who is young and extremely overweight in comparison with me and, my God, she dates a man, and not bad-looking. My first thought was:' he is probably insane or wants something from her'. Ok, but maybe I also have a chance. My God, what to do?
I apologise for writing a lot of my interior disaster, but I cannot hide this into me anymore.
Re the job, why not explore full-time office jobs and ask at interview about the possibility of working at home sometimes? That might give you more of a feeling of being freelance. Full-time should offer benefits such as sick leave, pension etc which is actually better in the long-run.
Re relationships, why not get on a dating site. If you fear rejection, let the boys come to you. Or you could look for a speed dating night, perhaps a friend would go with you? I am sure you are not as overweight as you think you are, and there are guys out there who care for more than just a woman's weight. Do some simple things to make yourself good; perhaps get a hair cut, do your nails, look about online for some new clothes (some websites are very cheap). I am overweight but I was shocked when I got chatted up at a party a couple of weeks ago, I think perhaps the issues with my weight are more my own perception that other people's.
Thank you rose for your kind words and encouragement.
Many employers don't like to offer part-time job to people who do not have children, but I will try.
Rose is right. And wrt part time jobs, employers are looking for someone who can do the job, whether they have children or not is irrelevant
And, both of you, yes I suspect your perceptions about your weight are just that - yours, not other people's. I'm overweight but only yesterday got told I'm glamorous by a woman who was assessing me for a voluntary job.
Thank you, whilst being out of job for a while gives idea that I'm useless, depressed creature without any normal skills and strong will. And it's so hard to go forward.