Overcoming a negative event

I had an appalling experience this week with a mental health practitioner at our first session. Although it was held at my GP surgery, it is run by a 3rd party. I'm writing to both to complain, but regardless of what happens, the damage has been done.

In short, I was made to feel crap about myself throughout while being ignored and continuously interrupted. To say that she liked the sound of her voice is an understatement. Her approach triggered my anxiety with it getting increasingly worse as my appointment continued. I could not get out of the door fast enough stopping only to tell her I will not be back.

My problem now is that I cannot stop reliving the appointment in my head. It was bad enough dealing with my usual demons but now I have this to deal with too. I go from wanting to cry my eyes out to filled with anger at that woman. I seriously cannot believe anyone would think she was qualified to support with mental health issues.

My friends are doing their best to support, and I'm grateful, but I don't know how to get her out of my head. Plus this mess leaves me in a sticky position with my employer. I've been on long-term sickness because of my current mental health, and they have been supportive because I've been getting professional support - first through an in-house service and now through this service recommended by my GP. If I turn around and say I'm not getting any help, I fear it will look bad on me.

I'm hoping someone can suggest a way for me to overcome what's happened.

Hi and welcome. I’m so sorry you were made to feel this way. If it were me, I’d get an important with your doctor and/or the third party, tell them exactly what happened and ask that you see another practitioner - whether that’s within that organisation or another. Otherwise, is there any chance of talking to your employer about what happened to see if you can revert to the in house service?

Hi and welcome.
That sounds like it was far from helpful. Unfortunately, as with anything, there are good and not so good practitioners. I would totally agree with Paula - go and speak to your GP as they signposted you in that direction, and also try to speak to a manager at the third party and see whether you could see someone else....

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Originally Posted by Paula

Hi and welcome. I’m so sorry you were made to feel this way. If it were me, I’d get an important with your doctor and/or the third party, tell them exactly what happened and ask that you see another practitioner - whether that’s within that organisation or another. Otherwise, is there any chance of talking to your employer about what happened to see if you can revert to the in house service?

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I already had an appointment with my GP booked for this coming week before this happened. I've tried to get it moved up but alas no joy. My plan is to email a copy of a letter I've written about my experience to him this evening. That way when I attend my appointment, ideally he is already aware. Then, we can use my appointment productively and not let it be spent on a rant against that woman while the people outside bemoan that the GP is running late again. I'm also sending a copy of the letter to the 3rd party.

As for the in-house service, I am deemed too complicated for them at the moment. The service is for generally OK people with a short-term issue. I'm hoping that my GP has a solution which will solve this - a recommendation to something else. Thankfully, my meeting with my employer is later in the week so that may be fine.

Until then, if I could stop reliving that appointment in my head like a broken record, that would be great.

I think many of us are familiar with these obsessive negative thought patterns..they are awful. Speaking from a personal perspective, there are a number of ways to try and help. Firstly, try a little physical activity, even if it is a 5 minute walk as this will give the stress you are experiencing somewhere to go. Secondly, get a journal (if you don’t have one already) and write all your feelings down. If possible, try not to push them away in your head, acknowledge them and leave them on the page. In your journal you could write down positive things that have happened today, even if it is the tiniest thing. Also, make a list of little treats you can give yourself in this difficult time. A comfort box is also something to consider, put things in it that make you feel good. Make sure you are eating and drinking enough too. I hope your next appt goes better.

That's a brilliant post Arty!

Thank you guys for your replies. I sent off the emails as planned and already feel better. Not great. But a bit better. I spent most of yesterday with friends which I think the world of good. I'm so grateful for them.

I know tomorrow will be tough because I don't know what will happen with the GP but I'll deal with that then. I'll keep you posted.

Please do.
I hope it goes well tomorrow.

Hi and welcome, I hope that the gp can help sort this out for you

I went to my GP appointment today. I asked him if he received my letter and after some searching, he found that they did get it but not in time for my appointment. So despite trying to avoid it, I had to go through what happened.

My GP was quite surprised as the service has been getting glowing reviews so he's asked me to get in touch by phone with the 3rd party and see if I can see the other person that visits the surgery. Otherwise, I have to referred to the local mental health service and the wait will be long. I haven't rung them yet. I plan to tomorrow. I'm not thrilled but if it's that or a big wait, I can understand why he's ask me to try again. Meanwhile, he's increasing the dose on my antidepressant.

I'm really glad that you went and talked it all through with your Dr lovely. I do hope you call them tomorrow and are much more successful.
How are you feeling after your appointment?

I was super tired after my appointment so I spent most of yesterday evening in bed. I've been nocturnal recently and staying up to go to the doctors wasn't ideal. Hopefully it means I can get a back to a reasonable sleep pattern now.

Emotionally, I'm not as bad as last week. I'm slightly concerned about the increase to my dosage. I was on a low dose but I had been getting nightmares. Could be related to the meds, could be just where my head is at. GP has been understanding though and if the nightmares get worse, I can call the surgery and will be treated as a pirority.

I'm going to be trying to spend the next few days getting back on track with things I let slide over the weekend and hopefully that will distract and help.

What AD are you on?

Appointments are exhausting. Especially when you had been anxious about it.

Appointments can be both physically and mentally draining, I suppose you get all hyped up and when the adrenaline fades fatigue sets in. If you've just upped your meds it could be a while before your body gets used to the change, I'm glad you've seen your GP.

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Originally Posted by Paula

What AD are you on?

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I was on Fluoxetine for a while but the GP switched me to Mirtazapine about 2 months ago.

How are you finding it?

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Originally Posted by Suzi

How are you finding it?

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Hard to say. I was switched to Mirtazapine to help me sleep, and I can vouch that it's done that. It also made me want to eat anything that's not nailed down.

Beyond that, I cannot say it's doing anything. Most of the time I cannot see the point in anything, and if by chance I'm having a good day, the tiniest thing can destroy my mood. My bed has become a sanctuary from the world - I spend most days in bed on my laptop. I know it's not helping and only making my problems worse but its all I seem able to do.

The counsellor I was see was advocating baby steps and not trying to change everything overnight, and that's what I'm trying to focus on doing. I have had some successes, but it's not easy because my inner critic really likes to beat me up.

In other news, I spoke to the 3rd party yesterday. They want to meet with me to discuss what's happened in more detail. I believe they can assign another person to handle my case or refer me to a counselling service that has a shorter wait list than my GP's. So, fingers crossed.

Unfortunately a lot of antidepressants have hunger as a side effect. What I found helpful was to keep a bottle of water to hand all day, and to sip that all the time. It didn't stop me putting on weight, but I'd hate to think what I'd be like without it.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things. Stick with it, the bad days don't last.

Mirtazapine is very well known for that side effect (I’ve been there :/). If it’s not taking effect yet, please go back to your dr for a meds review. It may be you need a dose adjustment

I too take Mirtz and have similar issues - I've found keeping healthy options essential or I'd just munch my way through anything carb based.....

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Originally Posted by Suzi

I too take Mirtz and have similar issues - I've found keeping healthy options essential or I'd just munch my way through anything carb based.....

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I need to start doing the same because my weight has ballooned since I began taking Mirtz. Almost nothing in my wardrobe fits me. I'm coping by wearing some new PJs I got when at home. There are so comfy and great with the warm weather we've been having. So far, the only effect my increased dose is having is I'm sleeping a good 12 hours a night. I've had a few nightmares but nothing I couldn't cope with.

Work reasonably understood everything when I went in to see my manager, but I have to make a decision soon as to what I'm going to do about my job. I have been off long enough for them to start formal proceedings and if I don't return within the next two months, then my contract could be terminated. I don't like my job, but it's a decent wage. It's enough to cover my bills and give me a little to live on. However, I get no enjoyment from it, and my attempts to move roles have been met with a barrage of nos over the past two years.

When I met with that woman, she asked me questions about what I wanted to do about my job and what kind of job I wanted, and all I could respond with is "I don't know." Then she changed tack and asked what could I do with my degree. Despite explaining my degree is now ten years old, my knowledge was rusty, and my interests had changed, she kept pushing and suggested I look to be a teacher - the last job that I would ever want to do. Hopefully, my new counsellor and I can discuss this and work something out. While I've been typing, I received a call from a counsellor whose been assigned my case, and I will be meeting her tomorrow.

Hope your appt with the counsellor goes well!

How did your appointment go?

I met with the counselor on Tuesday and she's a lovely lady. I found out they will provide me with 8 sessions (including the initial session) and I did feel quite optimistic coming out of our session.

The last couple of days have not been great. Nothing hasn't been going right and it's gotten me down. My friends are trying to help but the more they try, the more I get irritated at them because they just don't understand. I've snapped them several times.

Deep down, I know they are trying to help but I'm finding it condescending. So, right now, I'm just avoiding them because I just don't want to deal.

Well done for meeting the counsellor. Anyone here will tell you that it’s normal to have a slump in the couple of days after your session. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow (panda)

I completely agree with Paula lovely. Have you thought about talking through things with your friends and maybe explaining that you are finding it tough?

Oh, my friends know I'm having a hard time. They are generally really good at helping and I don't know what state I'd be in if not for them. I'm just irritable and grumpy at the moment.

Fair enough! We all have days like that! :)

So I'm having a crappy day. I woke up late and couldn't be find the willpower to get out of bed so I decided to find something onto watch on my laptop but nothing interests me. I finally did get out of bed briefly to find something to eat and noticed a brown envelope amongst the junk mail which really was the final nail in the coffin.

It was a letter from payroll advising that my SSP is up so I guess I need to apply for ESA. Just great. Another thing to worry about.

I saw my doctor this week and he gave me another fit note for a month advising that next time I see him, he wants to talk to me about going back to work part-time. He means well and he knows I'm at risk of losing my job because of how long I've been off but on a day like today, it's hard enough trying to get out of bed without even considering going to work. I just want to hide away from everything.

Counselling has been going OK. The new lady I've been assigned is very nice but trying to follow her advice is proven quite tough when all I want to do is curl up in bed.

Hopefully, tomorrow will be better.

(panda). Can you talk to Citizens Advice about what you need to do?

I'm glad the counselling is going ok - have you been honest about how hard you are finding the advice to follow?
Talk to the CAB and get some advice lovely...

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Originally Posted by Suzi

I'm glad the counselling is going ok - have you been honest about how hard you are finding the advice to follow?
Talk to the CAB and get some advice lovely...

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I'm pretty OK with the process/knowledge side and at worse case, I can have a benefits advisor at my housing association do everything for me. I don't want to call them just yet because if I do it myself, I can stick my chest out and say I did it. Sounds a little silly but it's all part of help myself. I've the number I need to call for ESA ready for when the office opens later today.

I have only had one in-depth session with the counsellor - the first appointment was more of an introduction. I see her next week (due to a clash of medical appointments) so I've another week to try to put some of her advice into practise. In short, she gave me ideas and suggestions for how to break down tasks that overwhelm me into smaller chunks but I'm struggling with giving myself that push to get started. For example, if I say I'm going to wash the dishes, I might go to the kitchen even put the dishes in the sink and then a little voice will go, "why bother? they'll only get messy again" and all the energy I had to wash the dishes just disappears and I'm back on the sofa watching TV.

I've another week before I see her so I've time. And, if it doesn't pan out then I can let her know and we can go from there.

Doesn't sound silly at all!

How are you today?

One step at a time, lovely, you will get there

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Doesn't sound silly at all!

How are you today?

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Sorry, its taken me a while to reply back. This month decided to unload a whole lot of crap on me.

After finding out at such short notice I had to apply for ESA, Housing Benefit decided to re-evaluate my claim and say I didn't qualify. I don't know where they got their figures from but they were estimating my income as much higher than it is (given I'm only on benefits.) I've managed to get that all sorted now but there was a period of about a week and a half where I was stressing every day over money and how I was going to cover my bills.

I still need to decide what I'm going to do about work. In short, due to amount of time I've been off, it is highly likely I will lose my job if I do not return at the start of August. While I don't like the job any more and feel it has play a part in my illness, I also don't like the idea of having 2 dismissals back to back on my CV. It feels like I'd be throwing the last 3 years down the drain. Yet if I rush back to work, I could make myself worse and since it would only be a part time wage, I'd struggle to cope moneywise. (I'm still waiting to hear if I will be awarded anything for PIP)

Sometimes I think sure I could go back in August part time and others I'm like "are you insane? the littlest thing makes you want to curl up in a ball and cry your eyes out." My counsellor thinks the reason I'm having a hard time with this is because whatever I do, it's not really 100% my decision and I've been back into a corner by this deadline. I have a little time so I'm hoping my decision for PIP will come earlier than expected so I know what's going on with that before I make a final decision.

It might be worth contacting Citizens Advice. They’ll be able to do a benefits check, help you with budgeting and talk to you about your rights wrt your employer, returning to work and what’s the right thing to do

You really have been through it... (bear)