Sorry I'm new and need to talk (triggers)

Sorry, my life has been progressively getting worse and worse and I'm not sure where to turn anymore so thought I may try this forum out.

I'm not sure where to start so I suppose I'll talk about the current, I have manic depression, high anxiety and an alcohol dependency problem. All of my friends have their own issues to deal with so I refuse to burden them with mine, including my husband.
I'm constantly lonely but have to talk to so many people a day to keep their lives on track which is wearing me down so much but my anxiety plays havok if I don't.
My sleep is so all messed up I'm lucky if I get 5 hours a night and during the day I struggle to even do the simplest of tasks to keep going.
Sorry I know that's a bit of an essay but it's hardly touching the surface and yet I feel like that's already a perfect excuse to just call myself a waste of space.

Hi and welcome to DWD. If your husband is anything like mine, I’m guessing it may be more of a burden to him that you won’t talk to him. Why do you feel you need to keep how you’re feeling to yourself? Are you on any medication ? Are you taking it regularly?

I do tell him bits and pieces (never the full truth of the matter) but as he's had/has depression himself and it takes very little to trigger him which of course I don't want, I can't really tell him how I'm feeling.
I have been on a medication but then the meds I have been on haven't been helping and then I know I should go back to tell the doctors that but then something at home has been stopping me and then my anxiety and then I just work my self up so much that it's too late in my head to get help. It seems to just become a never ending circle

Hi and welcome to DWD. Sweetheart have you tried to get help to get off the alcohol? (Please don't just stop as it can be far more dangerous at an immediate level) Alcohol is a depressant and so won't be helping at all.
Hunni, I know that before my husband started talking to me about his mental health I was imagining far worse itms?

I have seen a couple of people about it but nothing like a program as the only one the doctor could refer me to I'd have to pay and I don't earn enough money to do that. I do understand the irony of the situation though, if I was to stop drinking I'd have the money. I have tried to stop, slowly as you've said Suzi as I know it could be dangerous to go cold turkey but then that bad place returns and it's all I can do to just make it through another day. Sorry if this is too long

I was the same way with my husband when his depression started, he bottled everything up and I was so worried about him and what he wasn't talking about. I'm so used to helping him that I don't want to seem like such a failure for ending up this way.

Your posts aren't too long at all! Please try not to worry about that...
You are no way a failure for being poorly lovely - I promise.

Have you thought about AA? We’ve also got details of other substance abuse support organisations here http://www.dealingwithdepression.co....UK-amp-Ireland http://www.dealingwithdepression.co....buse-worldwide