Recent Setback

I've not posted here for a while. I have been keeping ok, keeping the demons well into the back of my mind. After a couple of false starts have held down a full time job for 7 months now.

Anyway, over the last few weeks I have been feeling extremely tired, pretty much been pushing myself to get through the working week but have nothing left in the tank for the weekend. I have felt my mood slide and have worried I am going back to how I was a couple of years ago.

I spoke to my GP a couple of weeks ago about the tiredness and mood swings, she got me back on the citralopram daily (I had been taking smaller doses on alternate days).

I have been considering taking a few days sick leave for a while now but resisted but have now felt no option to go off for a few days to recharge and try to get my mind together. My boss is not the most considerate of people and I have been dreading telling him why I was off sick but did it today. No sure he understood but hey ho.

There are people off on holiday for the rest of the month from Monday and I hope by taking the days off sick I will be able to recharge a bit and limp through the next few weeks and focus on my own holidays in mid August.

Hey Norm, it's good to see you. Sorry you're feeling bad though. Well done for talking to your GP and getting some more help. Do you know what's caused the change?

I don't know why the sudden change in mood. In theory I should be fine. Got a new car arriving any day now, got a holiday to New York next month, thing is I'm dreading the holiday and not at all excited by the car.

Everything is negative right now. I had a row with one of the bosses at work yesterday. He was being an arse basically, that was my tipping point that made me decide to step back for a few days because the mood I am in right now would have led me to escalate the row today.

Hi Norm.....I've discovered that 'in theory' can't be relied on! I've been in your situation too. Lovely things to look forward to, things going my way, lovely husband no real money worries etc., then all of a sudden I'm as flat as a pancake! I get anxious, miserable, fearful and no reason to be any of these things. Then I feel ungrateful for feeling like I do. There seems no rhyme nor reason for it! The more I analyse it the more confused I get. I think it's a case of 'it just is!' I think you're wise to take a few days off to level out...best not to fan the flames especially when it comes to bosses! Try not to dwell on the dread of going to NY, maybe if you put it out of your mind for a bit you'll cope with things better. I'm sure all this will pass, it usually does with me. The doc upping your medication hopefully will do the trick. Keep posting and letting us know how you're feeling. You aren't alone.

Hi Norm, well done on talking to your doctor.

That's the thing about depression, you can have everything going for you and yet still feel like hell, it's a case of weathering the storm, I'm sure things will come good again.

The others are right, give yourself time and space...

Hi norm, I’m so sorry your mood has slipped but you are doing all the right thing - seeing your doctor, taking some time out, reviewing the meds. What’s your plans for the next few days? Will you be doing something nice for you?

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Originally Posted by Paula

Hi norm, I’m so sorry your mood has slipped but you are doing all the right thing - seeing your doctor, taking some time out, reviewing the meds. What’s your plans for the next few days? Will you be doing something nice for you?

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Spent yesterday relaxing, was exhausted after not sleeping the night before. Today probably much the same really. Tomorrow I have to go to the dentist.

Apart from walking the dog I feel I need to stay in when off sick, always feel like I’m skiving if I go out.

Not at all! You can go out to help your recovery lovely - although I'm hanging around inside as it's cooler than being outside atm!

Hope today is a bit brighter for you.

It's been proven that fresh air, exercise and sun light all produce natural endorphins, which help with depression. Go out as much as you like and tell anyone who asks that it's therapy.

I was intending getting out a bit but a tooth extraction at the dentist put paid to that. Been feeling even more sorry for myself on the sofa.

I went out a bit earlier, just off to a garden centre for some stuff but out all the same. I have come home feeling quite unwell really but hoping it passes over as I am going back to work tomorrow. I’m not in any better frame of mind than I was on Wednesday but fear that if I don’t do it tomorrow I might not want to face it at all.

Feeling unwell in what way? If you're not well enough to go back, then you aren't well enough...

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Feeling unwell in what way? If you're not well enough to go back, then you aren't well enough...

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Hard to describe, may just be a combination of the heat, pain I am in with my mouth and anxiety.

Anyway, I’m up and heading in soon.

How's it going?

After another 3 weeks of tiredness and low mood things finally came to head today.

Yesterday I had to take another day off. I was feeling awful when I woke up, really couldnt get myself out of bed. Finally managed to move and got up however found that one of my pet birds had died (22 years old) over night so decided to take the day off.

Today I went back.Was approached by one of the engieers who said something i picked before was wrong. I was a bit rude back to him, didn't think much of it was we tend to banter back and forth and thought he would take it in that manner. However, he reported me to the boss who called my into a meeting before finishing time.

I said my bit and held my tongue but when the boss said he would think of how he would deal with this and have another meeting with me tomorrow I said "don't worry you obviously want rid of me so i'll give you a letter tomorrow".

So, looks like I am now out of a job again. I had already decided to go in my time and hopefully get something with less hours but am now worried I won't be able to get a reference from them if needed. I have worked my guts out for the past 8 months, for the last 2 somehow found strength to carry on and probably put my health at risk but they have no knowledge of depression and that things can be a tad unpredictable at times.

Now I have no idea as to what the future holds.Bleak.

Oh no! Do you want to go back? Can you speak to your boss and explain you are struggling mentally right now?

I’m so sorry, Norm :(

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Oh no! Do you want to go back? Can you speak to your boss and explain you are struggling mentally right now?

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They are not the sort of company that gives a damn about little things such as mental health. I have been really frustrated over the past few weeks and had decided to move on but in my own time of course.

Looking at my contract last night it appears that resignations have to be in writing so I can always pretend nothing happened. If they want me gone then they will have to fire me.

Are you part of a union? Can you get some advice?

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Are you part of a union? Can you get some advice?

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I was called into a meeting this morning and dismissed so that’s that!

Apparently there were some “ performances issues” as well as yesterday’s thing. Complete nonsense in my opinion. The stuff I mucked up I had asked for assistance on several occasions last Friday and non was forthcoming.

I said to them no allowance has been made re my mental health and they were poor managers for not noticing. I have had to use strength I didn’t know I had to get through the last few weeks and this is the thanks I get. I should have taken the doctors offer of a sick note last month.

Not sure whether to feel happy or sad now. Once this sinks in I’ll probably have a good cry then get on with it.

Sorry lovely..... Do you have anything to go to or are you going to be applying for benefits to tide you over?

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Sorry lovely..... Do you have anything to go to or are you going to be applying for benefits to tide you over?

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As luck might have it I have an interview lined up for tomorrow so we will see how that goes. If unsuccessful I will probably waited claim benefits till after my holiday as I am getting paid for the month anyway.

Good luck today, will be thinking of you

I hope the interview goes well.
WRT benefit application - it takes a long time, so I would urge you to apply sooner rather than later...

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Originally Posted by Suzi

I hope the interview goes well.
WRT benefit application - it takes a long time, so I would urge you to apply sooner rather than later...

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The interview went ok I guess, I will hear towards the end of the week, still have the issue of a reference from the *#@*# to get around when any job offer comes around though.

I registered for JSA today, have an interrogation, er, interview at the Job Centre on Thuresday. Of course go away on holiday the Friday after so will have to sign off then go through the whole thing again on my return. Unless I get that job of course.

Strangely, my mood has shot up since Friday. I think that place was the root cause of my problems this time.

Usually, ex employers don’t like to get themselves stuck in a legal wrangle if they give a bad reference, so usually settle for just writing “*** was employed by *** company as a **** between 00/00/0000 and 00/00/0000.”

Good luck for the job and the benefits signing on...

The good news is I got told I got the job yesterday 👍

I have an induction day on Monday and I would imagine will start properly after my holiday. The really good thing is that I did t need to give them my last employer as a referee.

It was a much needed boost as I have been very low this week and spent much of the time in bed or vegging out on the sofa. Thursday was a particular low point after going to the Job Centre to register then seeing my old job appear on Indeed.

I’m now starting to look forward to our week away. Pretty sure o was going to cancel it if I was out of work.

Congratulations!

That's brilliant! Congratulations! Enjoy your holiday!

The induction went well, asked me to work today and tomorrow, so far so good. At least I won’t be stressing about starting whilst I am away next week.

That’s brilliant! Well done

That's brilliant! What is the job?

The job is a van driver for a supermarket. Got a 25 hour a week contract which works well for me. Nothing stressful,everyone there seems to enjoy the work and once you are loaded and out on the road there's no-oneto bother you so perfect.

We had a great holiday, really enjoyed New York, saw some great shows and enjoyed the sights. I admit I freaked out a bit a couple of times walking though an incredibly busy Times Square and aborted a night out because of it but otherwise I was ok.

I came home to a letter from my former employer confirming the dismissal, part of me wants to go after them for discrimination or at least see if I had a case to pursue but my wife thinks I should just put it all behind me.

While part of me thinks their actions should be investigated, a larger part agrees with your wife, particularly as you have another job.

Im so glad you enjoyed your holiday. I’d love to go to New York!

I completely agree with your wife - I really think it's time to focus on the future and giving yourself time to get better too....
Oh NY sounds amazing!