*TRIGGERS*much to cope with in such a short time..

Last couple months has been too much for me to cope with..
My brother had heart attack, had stent put in, now more tests as he’s still got breathing and circularly problems. He’s 2 yrs younger than me.
Had to have my beagle put to sleep due to cancer.
A friend passed away same day as beagle put to sleep. Friend also 2 yrs younger than me. Attended church service - it was a beautiful service. She was in a horse pulled hearse.
To top all the above - my lungs has something on/in them and cancer cannot be ruled out. X-ray and ct scan not very clear so went for endoscopy (done down the throat. After having blood pressure, temp taken I was in a waiting room.
I just couldn’t go through with the endoscopy, yes I was explained about what was going to happen. People who’s had the procedure have told me how it went for them, I know they mean well but it doesn’t help.
Made the decision that I shall NOT have any invasive procedures or treatments.
I did want to know what it is I’ve got, however, now decided I don’t want to know.
Got an appointment in a weeks time to see consultant, see what they say, I’ve decided that I won’t be going back for any appointments - rather spend that time on my bike. Every appointment so far has peeved me off - I’d rather be cycling as life is far too short. But I’ve gone back to watching tv every day and evening.
Going round singing ‘Everybody's gotta go sometime.’
Please don’t try to change my mind - it’s made up and besides, I’d NEVER take treatment for cancer…

My mum had inoperable lung cancer. If you handle an endoscopy I promise you than you won’t wanna live with cancer. It’s your life and your choice to make. Not my place to try and change your mind but living under a death sentence when a simple test could rule out a terminal illness and allow to live free of than worry doesn’t really make a lot of sense does it? I mean you say you’ve had too much to cope with recently but then volunteer yourself to live under this cloud. Idk, maybe you’re happy suffering.

I’m so sorry for your losses, lovely (panda). You’ve been through so much and I can’t imagine your pain right now.

But it sounds to me like you’ve given up fighting, and that’s not you. As Stella says, a relatively simple test could take that burden away from you and those who love you. Please consider it again, hunni….

It might not actually be cancer too.... My lovely Dad died of mesothelioma - the cancer that comes after asbestosis and there is no sign that it's there until it's coated most of your internal organs - how long you live for depends on which organs it coats first... There is no cure for that, he had radiotherapy to try to take away some of the pain, but chemo etc doesn't/didn't work back then. I'd not want anyone to die the death that he did.
My brother in law passed away 3 months before my Dad and he was 2 years younger than me and had 2 small babies... He died of leukemia. He'd had it once and beaten it and it came back much more aggressively.
Both these men fought every single day to live...

Why have you given up?

My mum also died of lung cancer - died 10 days after diagnosis and too weak to be operated on.
Was with my dad when he died of dementia and old age.
A friend of mine who was a cancer nurse died of breast cancer - she always told me that if she got any cancer of any kind - she would NEVER have treatment because the treatment can and does kill before the cancer.
She had over 40 years experience being a cancer nurse and when diagnosed she spent time doing what she wanted before becoming too ill.
I too believe that I don’t want to spend time in hospital - no matter what I’ve got wrong with me!!!
Believe that we should have euthanasia here in the uk. Humans are made to suffer.
Watching mum suffer was horrendous - no painkillers worked, it was in the drip and didn’t work. I’ve worked as a carer and seen people die.

I’ve been through all different types of counselling - the last sessions was told that counselling doesn’t work for some people.
Just feel doomed and have given up on life.

Counselling does work, but it has to be the right counselling at the right time with the right counsellor...

Why give up when you don't know what it is?