New to this - don't know where to turn!!!

Hi all,

I have recently been diagnosed with depression and I am taking fluoxetine 20mg and have been referred for talking therapy.

I feel I have so many things going on in my head - that I don't know what to do or where to turn. I believe I am suffering from work related stress due to the fact that this is where all my anxieties seem to stem from. I have been confiding to a friend from work who I seemed understood how I am feeling. After a conversation today they have had a conversation with my line manager about me. Nothing detrimental about me but more about what I am trying to deal with at the moment but some of my stresses have been down to my line manager. I really don't like the fact that this is going on but I don't know how to deal with anything at the moment and the thought of confronting them about this has just stressed me out so much. I want to have conversations with work when I am ready to be able to discuss them without bursting into tears every time and not feeling immense panic and not being able to think straight or have a productive conversation.

Quick rundown of main work stresses:-
- 6 different line managers in 4 years
- moved jobs within same school 4 times in last 4 years
- been on a temporary contract for 2 and a half years
- despite requesting for a proper job description on numerous occasions still none the wiser
- new line manager seems to like micromanaging which makes me feel undermined and undervalued

Due to this feel completely useless, worthless can't even be bothered to get dressed most days, no interest in anything, have had some strange dreams and these have normally been about me ending my life but I always wake up from these in a panic as this is something I don't think about when I am awake.

I feel really scared and don't know what to do or where to turn. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday and I think work are expecting me back next week but not sure if I am ready for this!!! As per usual not sleeping again.

Sorry for the really long post but no-one at home seems to understand how I am feeling.

Hi and welcome to DWD. I can understand you not being happy with that friend - although could they have being to help?
You mention school - are you a teacher? Have you thought about looking around for something else?

How long have you been taking the fluoxetine?

Hi and welcome. It’s hard for people who don’t suffer with depression to understand which is why it’s important to talk to your loved ones. There’s a website www.time-to-change.org.uk which aims to change how mental health is perceived and to start conversations with those around us. That may help you

Hi there,
Well done for reaching out to us on DWD :)

Hi,

Thank you for the warm welcome.

I've been taking fluoxetine for 3 weeks now. I have since spoken to my friend and she was just trying to help. My head is just spinning at the moment and I seem to take everything out of proportion as I don't feel I can think properly at the moment - is this normal? What even is normal?

I'm not a teacher but I have been at the school for 11 years and for 7 of those years I've been very happy as I knew what was expected of me but for the last 4 years I don't know what my role is, what I'm supposed to be doing when I get into work as someone just tells me what to do. I don't think anybody in the school could tell you what I do as nobody seems to know, but especially me. Despite me asking for all this time what I'm expected to do but it just hasn't seemed that important to anybody else. It's ok as Alison just does whatever is asked of her and doesn't make a fuss - but I'm not ok with that but I don't know how to deal with it and this is why I'm here now as I just can't deal with the not knowing anymore. I just feel so stressed and anxious with it all and feel so completely useless, worthless and undervalued that I don't see any purpose in anything I do.

Sorry rambling on again just got so much in my head it's just like one big mess and I don't know how to tidy the mess up.

Thanks,

Alison

You aren't rambling at all!
Fluoxetine really helped my husband, but it does take a while to get into your system - something like 6 - 8 weeks and then the same for each dose change. So hang on in there.
Are you office or classroom based?

Office based.

That sounds so hard not knowing what you're meant to be doing or where you are meant to be. Can you maybe put it in writing asking for a more specific job spec as you'd like to work on your professional development?

I hadn't thought about that as a lot of my anxieties surface more on a face to face basis. I panic and completely overthink the situation and then I can't concentrate or comprehend what's being said. I think that trying to deal with the not knowing and who is my line manager today has just completely stressed me out.

I'm back at the doctors tomorrow to see how I am feeling and I have my first talking therapy session on 18th January. I have stupidly checked my work emails just to keep up to date with things and a meeting has been set up for Thursday with myself, my line manager, her line manager and the head and this feels like such an imbalance of power and it has made me feel like I can't be there. My head is so messed up with the past 4 years I don't even know what I want from it all anymore.

Hi Alison welcome to DWD (hi)

You have the right to have someone at the meeting supporting you - a union rep, a colleague or a friend.

I just feel so overwhelmed by it all. But there was no mention of me taking someone in with me so don't know where I stand. Maybe I should contact my union for some advice.

If this is concerning your health etc, this is Citizens Advice guidance for U.K. meetings with your employer

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/wo...inary-meeting/

As far as I'm aware it's not a disciplinary meeting as I know they have to write an official letter to me for one of those explaining my rights to a third party accompanying me. I think they're suddenly panicking into sorting out my job role but without thinking about the extra stress this is putting on me with the number of people involved in the meeting. I don't really want to sit there and pour out all my anxieties and how I've been feeling, and then feeling pressured into making decisions I don't want to make and being back to square one. I feel I just need some time to get into perspective what I want from all of this and to stop feeling that this is all my fault. I feel so useless at the minute am I even capable of being anything but a dog's body picking up all the crap no one else wants to do but being too afraid to say anything about it.

Why don't you ask your union rep for advice? I don't think you have to answer any decisions in a pressured situation. I'm sure you can ask for time to talk things through and work out what you want..

Yes I will do this tomorrow after I've been to the doctors. Hopefully I can have a bit more time at home to get my thoughts together, have one of my therapy sessions and then see how I am feeling, hopefully the ADs will have started to help a bit by then too.

Glad you have a plan x

Just got to try and be strong and carry it out x

Thanks for listening and the advice guys. Just want to be my "normal" self again - whatever my "normal" is lol xx

You are already strong - you are dealing with this every day and are battling through

Thanks x

I think contacting your union rep is a good idea if you are in a union as Suzi suggested before.

Thanks Mike I will definitely be contacting them. ☺

Will you let us know how you get on?

Yes I will. Thanks again x

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Zellic

Hi all,

I have recently been diagnosed with depression and I am taking fluoxetine 20mg and have been referred for talking therapy.

I feel I have so many things going on in my head - that I don't know what to do or where to turn. I believe I am suffering from work related stress due to the fact that this is where all my anxieties seem to stem from. I have been confiding to a friend from work who I seemed understood how I am feeling. After a conversation today they have had a conversation with my line manager about me. Nothing detrimental about me but more about what I am trying to deal with at the moment but some of my stresses have been down to my line manager. I really don't like the fact that this is going on but I don't know how to deal with anything at the moment and the thought of confronting them about this has just stressed me out so much. I want to have conversations with work when I am ready to be able to discuss them without bursting into tears every time and not feeling immense panic and not being able to think straight or have a productive conversation.

Quick rundown of main work stresses:-
- 6 different line managers in 4 years
- moved jobs within same school 4 times in last 4 years
- been on a temporary contract for 2 and a half years
- despite requesting for a proper job description on numerous occasions still none the wiser
- new line manager seems to like micromanaging which makes me feel undermined and undervalued

Due to this feel completely useless, worthless can't even be bothered to get dressed most days, no interest in anything, have had some strange dreams and these have normally been about me ending my life but I always wake up from these in a panic as this is something I don't think about when I am awake.

I feel really scared and don't know what to do or where to turn. I have an appointment with my doctor on Monday and I think work are expecting me back next week but not sure if I am ready for this!!! As per usual not sleeping again.

Sorry for the really long post but no-one at home seems to understand how I am feeling.

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Welcome to DWD , we are just people on a similar journey. We are not perfect but are a listening ear. Please never apologize for a long post; we need to hear each other to keep our heads above water. Do not think you are unique in your thinking. We have been there. Keep focusing on all that is good in your life lovely and don't worry if hone do not understand. We do!!! Much love. Ezzie

Thanks Ezzie - my friend has also told me I need to set myself a little goal each day so I can accomplish things. Today I needed sleep as I had a terrible night last night but so far not managed that one as my son is home from university he has kept me busy helping him to book a holiday so at least I accomplished something.

Been to the doctors today and he has signed me off work for 4 weeks, hopefully work will now get OH involved so I can at least get some points across. Couldn't face phoning the union today but I will ring them for some advice when I feel able to.

Thanks all,

Alison x

Was he booking somewhere nice? Is it nice having him home?
Well done for going to the Drs and being open with him. Glad you've been signed off, does that help take the pressure off a bit? Give them a call tomorrow lovely...

Yeah he's booked to go to Cologne with his girlfriend for a few days. Yes it is good to have him home and he'll be here for another couple of weeks too.

It certainly does - that's why I didn't sleep well last night worrying!!

I will do my best to ring them tomorrow- got to learn to take the bull by horns again!!

Thanks xx

Write a bullet point list of what you want to say and make sure you let us know how you get on..

I will. X

How are you feeling today? Did you sleep any better last night? Have you managed to contact your union rep?

Yes I slept so much better last night didn't wake up until 10.45am so must have needed it. Just writing up my bullet point list and planning on going for some lunch with my eldest son before he goes back to work tomorrow. So I will ring them this afternoon.

So glad you slept better - it does make the world a little easier to deal with :)

Did you manage to get through to your union rep?

Hi, I plucked up.the courage and gave them a ring. They have told me to concentrate on getting better and if I am called in for any meetings they are here to support me with them. Also, if I am not ready for any meetings yet I don't have to attend either - they have got to wait for me. Feel so much better now I know I have some backing if I need it.

Thanks for the encouragrment guys, it would have taken me a lot longer to contact them without your support.

���� xx

That's so brilliant! Well done you! I hope you're being really kind to yourself tonight!

Thanks I feel good for accomplishing something today. So yes being kind to myself :)

Good for you! :) Well done!