Not Sure Why I Am Doing This
Hi everyone. I really don't know why I am doing this or whether it will benefit me in the end so here it goes. I'm Neo and I'm 27 this year. I was diagnosed with Double Depression (DD) about 18 months ago. The PDD/Dysthymia was traced back to 13 years ago (I went through this whole period unaware and undiagnosed) when I was 12 due to another medical condition which impacted my school years and growing up while the MDD hit when I found out my GF was cheating on me 18 months ago (hence the DD). That was the breaking point. Fast forward now, it's been nearly 18 months. I've had 12 ECT sessions, hospitalised three times, tried a whole spectrum of medication by my psychiatrist and a lot of CBT / Talk Therapy with my psychologist and I've relapsed three times, once during work and I'm now back on prolonged medical leave. I keep getting this sinking feeling sometimes that I'll never get better. I've relapsed once during this period after being certified as recovered and am now still going through recovery again before resuming work. I want to go back to work but I am afraid I will relapse again. I am not ready at my current state to go back. Some days I feel like I can return and go back to normal but other days, I feel drained and don't want to talk. I remain mostly at home and in my room. I get tired, restless and bored at times. Games and etc can only help me so much. I guess it's more of the fear and dread that I will not be able to recover from this episode. It feels like hitting a punching bag. You hit it back (recover) but it swings back harder. Again, I don't know why I am writing this or whether this post will remain here long ( i might just remove it idk).
