Still here, I think. Trigger alert

Been very hectic past several weeks here in our house. We try building chicken coop as fast as we can, but things aren't really going like in movies. Heat wave is hitting Finland hard, and we have been dealing with heatstrokes with animals in the neighbourhood, and I have been helping my neighbours to fight for their dogs with cold showers and what not. Thank goodness my own dogs have been okay. Also some personal problems take their toll on me, but I have a friend who keeps me on my toes because she has been self destructive. My days and nights have gone babysitting her, and I admit I start getting exhausted. She refuses professional help, but her ranting, and tendencies to get on harms way are really draining me. She has a heavy drinking problem too, plus I start feeling she has a new problem for ever solution I can offer her. When it is okay for me to say I can't take much more, and either try to pressure her to get some real help, or simply ask her to deal with her stuff her self? My Kids kind of fear her fits. She probably means nothing bad, but all my 3 sons are on autism spectrum, and they don't really understand why she is acting the way she is, yelling, cursing and crying. My guy keeps telling me she takes advantage on my kindness, and is just being a massive drama Queen sucking out all Joy and energy of me. But I feel I am a horrible friend if I won't try to help her. Feels like I am starting to fade away myself...

Hi Sissy, looks like you've been going through a very difficult time. You can only help your friend so much and if she is a heavy drinker that is a problem in itself, you need to look after your own health, you've been a great friend but you and your family have got to come first, if she refuses to seek professional help, then I can't see what else you can do.

You, your guy and your children have got to take priority.

Sweetie, this is something we talk about a lot on the forum. We all want to be there for friends and family when they need us but there has to be limits. You, your health and your family have to come first. Any relationship that is jeopardising any of those, that is having a toxic effect on you, is one you should get some space from. If nothing else, you can’t help anybody if you’re burnt out from a situation like this

Maybe this will help - the first rule of being on the mod/admin team here is "if something is triggering you or is too much or you are dealing with your own mental health then you are to step back from modding. You HAVE to put YOU FIRST or you can't help anyone else."

Sweetheart your friend needs the professional help that you can't give...

I feel heart broken, but I had to do this. I took your advice and told her I can not let her sit in my kitchen ever day, hangoverish or still drunk, blaming everyone else and taking all my time and energy if she refuses any help I can offer or any solution I try to suggest. I told her to seek professional help, because my ability to deal with her stuff is limited, and my own stuff is still my own burden to carry. She got mad. I had it coming, but so did she... It feels so unfair I gotta carry her too while I am already drowning on my own. If this made me a bad friend, or a horrible person, so be it. Her words did hurt , but what can I say...

You are not a bad friend or a horrible person at all! I promise you x

No you’re not a bad friend, there is only so much you can do. It might, however, be the catalyst she needs to get help ...

You're not a bad friend, you are limited to what you can do. You and your family must come first.

Hi Sissy, I agree with everything that's been said. Sounds to me like you're an amazing friend! You are trying to encourage your friend to help herself. I'm a recovering alcoholic Sissy and one thing all heavy drinkers have in common is 'denial'! There is nothing more you can do for your friend until she admits she has a problem! Her tantrums and outbursts are typical of her problem. She'll say horrible things to you and hurt you. The chances are that it's the drink talking. You've done what you can for her. You have problems of your own Sissy. You have a lovely family and partner and you and them must come first! If your friend phones or knocks on the door I suggest you say that you'd prefer she didn't come round or phone if she's had a drink, and that it upsets the children. This is a perfectly appropriate and UNselfish thing to do. After all, you can't have a helpful conversation if she's (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed all the time can you?.. you'd get more sense out of a brick wall!! (giggle) take heart Sissy, I'm sure the nasty things she says aren't aimed at you. Forget any idea that you are a bad friend.....you look after you and get on with building the new chicken coop! I'm looking forward to seeing the new princesses! We all think you're lovely.xxx

Thank you.. That means alot.

Flo's right, we do all think you're lovely!
How are you feeling lovely?

Things seem to go as they go, so I just try and keep myself and my family as my first priority. It is hard, but if a grown up person can't hear the truth and admit her drinking is a problem, then what else can I do. It frustrates me, but I am not seeing why I have to be the trash bin for her where to pour all garbage in her life. I got way too much to handle in my own problems. Either she accepts real help, or she stops complaining and fixes her stuff herself. It is unfair she blames everyone else for every single problem she has, and takes no responsibility of anything..

You are completely right. You should not have to be that at all. There's a massive difference between sporting and being treated like rubbish....

I completely agree!

Absolutely agree too Sissy! She's got to listen up or shut up! Good for you.