I am bad at life

and I guess that's all I have for now. I am "bad" at life

it's like someone dumped me in the middle of nowhere, leaving me no instruction manual or no tools, and somehow expecting me to survive

most of my friends have moved on, because I'm " bringing them down", which is fair enough- they all have their goals, and their direction, they don't want to waste their time waiting for me and I don't blame them (I see myself as the most boring person on planet earth)
family arn't a great support to me, most of the time saying things to me like " well, we're glad you're depressed, we're glad you're suffering" and laughing so hard you'd think it's commedy night at the apollo

I have even had professionals turn to me and say I've never seen someone so depressed as you, and telling me they " don't think we can help you", and move me on to the next person

I guess it all started for me when I realised that 1 day, I was going to have freedom, 1 day I was going to have to make my own way.

it wasnt a problem as a child..I was told things- it's time for school, it's time for bed, you need to go to this room for your next class, and even at home my mother would be like this is what's for dinner, this is what we're watching, this is what we're doing at the weekend.. and now I'm on my own without that, I feel like someone (like I said) without an instruction manual for life
I was never given the choice of things. I never had to choose, and now it seems like I am going from day to day, feeling unfor filled, at the end of the day feeling like I'm just wasting my life- and tomorrow when I get up, I'll just waste it some more

I think the worst part about all this is not really wanting anything. I'm not happy, far from happy, but their is nothing in the world (at least that I can think of) that will make me feel that way

this post was longer than I intended but their we have it

hi

hugs to all. :)

Hi Emily and welcome to DWD. Can I ask how old you are now? Are you eating and drinking properly? Getting up, washed and dressed?

Hi hunni, and welcome. Are you on any medication atm? Have you had any counselling/CBT etc?

at suzy: I have good days and bad days when it comes to food. sometimes, I won't eat anything the whole day, sometimes I'll just stuff myself silly with so much food my stomach ends up hurting. I am getting up daily, but for what?. I don't really know (I am mid 30's)

at paula: I am constantly turned away by professionals. I think it's less about their ability to help people, and more about they just don't know what to try with me anymore. I've been on various medications since the age of 16, but again, it's like they don't know what they can give me that I've not all ready tried (this was even given to me in writing once).

it just seems my depression is.... what's it called. treatment- resistant

but I don't know. maybe while I'm here I can learn other coping methods.

or... maybe not. I really don't know

but I think it is a positive step in joining at least

What meds have you been on? Have you seen a CPN? Psychologist? Psychiatrist?

yep... seen all that

like i said above, I keep being turned away from these people.

the cycle is:

they try something for a few months

it doesn't work

they try something else

it doesn't wirk

they try something else

it doesn't work

they give up on me

maybe I'm just not built for life. I mean I've defenetely had that thought

I am just not coping and no one is able to treat me

Sweetheart, I'm sorry you haven't had any luck getting help so far, but there is help out there, you just haven't found the right person yet... Please don't give up on everything and most importantly yourself.

hey suzy,

may I ask you a question about the site?

I would like to post a message, but it will be triggering to others. how should I go about it.

do I say it will be triggering, or do you have a code or something I can use to highlight the ttriggering text

ask the guest ion and the magic mods will wave their wands

Hi, either you can post it yourself with one of the following triggers: SU - suicide, SH - Self Harm, AB - Abuse... Or we will just change it for you ;)