Depression back again, after doing so well
Hi
I'm 30yr old male and I've had depression quite a few times in my life. The last six months I had built a lot of self confidence after suffering from a fairly extreme bout of depression for the six months before that. After building myself up from believing I couldn't do anything, I was able to move to London from Ireland and I'm now living on my own In London which is where I really wanted to be. I was on 15mg of cipralex/escitalopram and i was feeling very confident and relatively good about things. The only problem was that i was having difficulty sleeping and felt i was a little overstimulated, which I felt was probably because my dose was too high. I felt my mind was going a little too fast and was a bit exhausting.
The sleeping problems were really affecting me and making it hard to work etc so i decided to reduce my dose by a small amount. i went from taking 15mg a day to taking 12.5mg a day escitalopram/cipralex. i take a 10mg tab and cut the 5mg tablet in half. I tought this woud be a small reduction and shouldnt affect me too much. My sleeping improved after a week or so which was good and i felt pretty decent. then after about 3/4 weeks all of a sudden I just got up one day and felt totally different. I felt the old feelings of worthlessness return and my confidence totally disappeared pretty much overnight! ever since then I've been struggling with thoughts of worthlessness and worry about how I'm gonna survive and feeling like I'm different than everyone else etc, general lonely depressive thoughts which i try to remember are not true. I feel like my eyes look dead when i look in the mirror and they have this heavy sensation, there's no life in them and i feel this numb, confused feeling in my head which makes it hard to concentrate on anything and feel like i can't make decisions as well, almost like i can't even tell if i like something.
Has anyone else experienced a sudden relapse like this whilst reducing such a small amount of antidepressants? I can't believe how suddenly it has happened. literally overnight my mood fell off a cliff. Also can anyone else identify with the feeling in your eyes or feeling that they look different and the indecisiveness? I just wanted to know if anyone else had an overnight crash like this, its like the rug has just been pulled from underneath me when i felt everything was going well and was felling really happy and positive about things and myself.
Thanks in advance for listening any responses are appreciated
