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Thanks, yes reading is great. I don't seem to get to many triggers from it either.
My mum came round and talked about a show that just came to netflix. It was vexed. A British show. And we watched the first episode together. It was a funny show. But sadly it gave me triggers. Just like everything else lately :(
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What kind of triggers love?
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Well it might be weird to talk about them here. A lot of things revolve around myself and I feel so selfish when I think about it.
The woman in the show is real attractive. That makes me feel I will always be alone. Like I have almost always been. There are a lot of jokes. I know its not showing here but i used to crack people up with funny whitey remarks. And jokes. I miss that guy.
And when I see all the people interacting. It puts a magnifying glass on me being alone all the time just sitting at home.
And since I have been overeating all day I can not watch tv untill I promise myself to not eat for a while.
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You are the least selfish person I know and I know that you won’t always be alone - I know the right person is out there for you, you just haven’t met her yet.
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Thats true, but with me being inside all the time its reasonable to assume I will be alone. Its ok. I just need to avoid those triggers.
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But with the right help and support you can be more of the person you want to be (panda)
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You do not need to punish yourself or stop yourself from eating. This self destructive and self harming behaviour is really concerning me lovely. My heart aches for the sadness in you. All I want to do is hug you and show you that you are wanted, loved and respected.
Will you please get a Drs appointment asap? If you wont do it for you, would you do it for us? Go and tell them everything - esp the self harm, the binging and purging?
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Today was going better. I did not eat enough but it all stayed in and i did not harm myself.
I don't think I can make another appointment as I already know what the doctor will say. I will have to wait. I am already pretty high on the waiting lists as it is.
Tomorrow i have my yearly review at work thats got me stressed at the moment.
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What do you think the doctor will say?
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That i already have appointments made and that i will have to wait for them. I know there is nothing else he can do.