Work conflict has brought my head to my knees.

Hi, I've never felt hugely low or anything. I'm the most placid bends backwards (probably too much) calm blokes. Quite shy until I really develop relationships etc. So worked in a place for a couple of years and we've a small team of 5 that works within a "bigger" team/dept. Two of the guys worked longer so have their kinda "area" away from our office/workshop floor etc, which is fine, but had (I thought) worked into the circle etc and as a team we'd had a great two years, and started going out socially etc.

One of the guys though is very private about his private life, which is fine etc, the other guy i've met his wife etc and he's joined us on nights out but at a party/night out late spring my pints of bitter occasional confidence spark pryed abit, nothing crazy added the priviate guy's wife on social media perhaps thinking we'd all do something one day probably was thinking, nothing too heavy I'd suspect to 9/10 would be fine or politely decline. Despite a social/out of work issue the following week he went straight to my boss (who kinda batted it off as out of work) and was stormy talking about some huge privacy invasion. Okay can hold hands up, however wasn't exactly axe murderer stuff.

Had a few weeks holiday to take, so had them and came back and thought I'd would blow over. Ever since that incident a frowned stare or active avoidation of eye contact/stare. I left a note to say have a chat/work something out. Nothing. My head is wanting to say lots of stuff and in a calm nice but firm manner but it's been a few weeks so now it's just a bottle crasher. Other colleague is in the middle saying it'll blow over still.

The wider factory department haven't cottoned on yet and with him being all private isn't telling anyone, which almost makes it my obligation I can't now make a complaint as I'm avoiding his part of the factory and tactically taking my cigarette breaks when he's not to avoid. I'm so thankful I am off on the day we usually have our mini team meetings with management. I'm struggling to get up to go to work and I'm literally in tears with fear and so dark thoughts. I have had 1 or 2 panic attacks in the car etc at end of day when he's been chatting to everyone and obviously ignoring me. He's totally shut down on me. No thoughts are sinister and nothing like oh I need tablets for or anything ( I don't think), As I know if he calmed down and said look it's fine and/or could say some words/chat feel normal going to talk work then he'd be sound about it. How long do I be nice say hi to be ignored trying to be all apologetic when some point I'm going to be full of rage and hate because it was something so little...

I said to the middle guy i'd quit but he said no. Problem is i'm a specialist in my area and It would cos so much upheaval (then more people would have to know) and not too many jobs like mine elsewhere and can't afford to have even 6-8 weeks without work really or the mortgage is gone.

I'm awful and hate conflict, avoid it all the time. My partner jokes we've had about 2 arguments in our whole time! This is just so uncomfortable and her words are great and I know she's right - ignore, smile raise above, but the most simple of things/little issues at work I'm trying to do himself as I am petrifed to even try and make conversation. Trying but I have that dark cloud when he appears or when I've several lone hours at home or trying to sleep. I just don't know what/where/how to go forward. Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble.

Hi and welcome to DWD.
It does sound like it's blown up over something simple. I assume you've removed her from your friends list? All this over you adding her to FB?
You've several choices obviously - smile and ignore and continue as you are, leave, or talk to your friend and explain..... The issue is that it's having quite massive effects on you and your health. Is it worth going to see your Dr, telling them what you've told us and explain the effects that it's having on you?

She didn't add me/accept me. He's like blocked me from all his social media / our work group chat and everything. The one in the middle of us two is still kind leaning to be with him and his clique etc while still be chatty to me etc.

I obviously don't want to leave (and can't afford to perhaps have no job for a while), and almost as a respect to the other party not go further at work as then more people will probs find out, then there is huge resentment from both sides and I'm hoping it does sort out to be more cordial, if I'm not sounding daft. I've got a doc appointment for something else but it's 2.5 weeks away (nature of trying to get an appointment).

My GF had to call me this morning to talk me into the car and to start the car and drive in the direction for work. Had an awful stare corridor exchange earlier. Such a brutal stomach to the floor feeling all the time.

Oh hunni, it sounds so horrible! Can I suggest you get a Drs appointment sooner? Ask for a cancellation or get an on the day appointment? You sound so down and it's obvious the toll it's taking on you. Take your GF with you to the appointment too... What does she say about it all?

I've tried when available days to get a cancellation (but that is only two days really I start at 10-11am rather than 8am).

She thinks he's perhaps got his own issues but thinks I shouldn't be getting crushed to the core with this.

Why aren't you calling any earlier? Could you set an alarm and get up to call for an appointment or a telephone consultation?

Sorry should have clarified on my two later starts I'm calling at 8am to get an on the day appt. None. Other three days I'm out hte door at 7.

Makes more sense! Thanks!

Keep on trying...

Yeah. I will. Even coaxing myself to the car to go to work, however bad it is trying to tell myself it is better than a doctors trip in a roundabout way to try and fight my head (even if not very well!)

If things are that bad then maybe taking a day off work to get an appointment might pay?

Hi - sorry not posted here since intial few and things not changed. Too scared too see a doc. Up times feel ok, but isolating myself at work to everyone and getting in and out and taking the pay cheque! Then stewing dreading work at weekends about going in. Can't afford to quit / time out of work. Dead ends.

Good to see you back... Do you know why you are scared to see a Dr?

Did you not have that appointment in September, then?

To answer your questions - No - I did not in September. I also just crippled scared to go / embarrased etc. I know easy to say just crack on and go but i'm struggling to brave up to go.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about. I promise you won't be the first, or sadly the last, person to see a dr about how you are feeling. Do you have a family member or friend who could go with you?

I know how that is, lovely, I ended up having my mum frogmarch me to the doctors (as an adult with 2 kids!) before I accepted help. But it was the best thing anyone ever did for me. Once you’ve taken that first step, it does get easier (bear)

I have my girlfriend who lives not far away (and she is a nurse and trying to encourage) - although when with her i'm 100% it's purely going to work. All my family live hours away from where I do. I'm not interested in any tablets or anything like that i nearly have to be forced to take paracetamols when I've a headache. (rofl)

Your doctor can Also help you access other treatments eg CBT, counselling etc

Thing is, if things are so bad that it's affecting your daily life then it does need dealing with. It doesn't have to be pills, but don't discount them. They make a massive difference for so many people.

We've an online employee assistant thing which is like an online chat (private) and CBT online etc - would you reccomend or better in person?

There are studies that say online CBT can be effective

That sounds like a good resource from your employer

It is a good thing to have and I think you should go for it.