I need someone to talk to. *SU trigger*

I just wanna talk to someone. Get this off of my chest. So I'm a really shy guy who likes to stay alone. So since I've been little I would see a girl or somebody that I would like to know but I never try and as time passes by when I see someone that i like i just keep it in my heart and after a few months I forget that person but recently it's starting to get harder and it gives me the feeling that I would rather be dead than living like this. So basically what happened is that it's been like 6 months since I've seen this girl that I wanna get to know. She's driving me crazy and i almost feel like if i don't see her or lose her idk what else i would do in my life. I actually sent her a message in Instagram and she left me on read and after another month I sent another message and she replied after 3 or 4 messages she didn't talk anymore. I know right that it's their right if they don't wanna reply btw I'm not a stalker or anything similar. And recently there have been some problems in the family you know your mother shouting at you and they keep complaining, I'm about to lose my mind. And recently I started to look at life as a game or just a joke. Maybe I can't describe how I feel rn by using words but trust me its bad but trust me I swear if I had a gun I would shoot myself in the head and disappear forever. Im thinking about making a poison. I know that suicide is not the solution but I can't be patient anymore. Especially after what happened to me with that girl.

The reason why I came here cuz I don't wanna talk to my family or my friends about this. You know what they'll say be patient or whatever I close the door of my room every night and just cry I can't do it anymore. I wish that I've never seen this girl and I wish that my family would appreciate and feel what I'm going through.

I've even searched in wikipedia how to suicide and I found starvation and dehydration as the easiest way.

Hi and welcome. I’ve added a trigger warning as you’ve discussed suicide. It’s nothing to worry about, it just ensures that other members who may struggle with this subject are able to make a choice whether to read this thread.

I’m sorry you’re struggling so much. Have you seen your doctor? Why don’t you want to talk to your family or friends? Hunni, suicide is never the answer and I can promise you, with help this will get better (panda). Keep talking to us, your family and friends, and your doctor. It WILL get better

Hey Khalil,

I hope you´re doing okay atm. Wanted to tell you, that I had a similiar problem. I hated it, I hated that my whole mood seemed to be effected by that one person and that I was so dependet on them. Everything seemes hopeless when they stopped paying attention to me.
I kinda also thought about ending it all and I have kinda no idea how I managed to stop those thoughts.

If ya wanna talk to someone, I volunteer? :)

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Originally Posted by Paula

Hi and welcome. IÂ’ve added a trigger warning as youÂ’ve discussed suicide. ItÂ’s nothing to worry about, it just ensures that other members who may struggle with this subject are able to make a choice whether to read this thread.

IÂ’m sorry youÂ’re struggling so much. Have you seen your doctor? Why donÂ’t you want to talk to your family or friends? Hunni, suicide is never the answer and I can promise you, with help this will get better (panda). Keep talking to us, your family and friends, and your doctor. It WILL get better

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I don't have a doctor and if I probably ask for one, I bet that they'll say man up or be patient or start laughing and say that's just bull(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) or whatever you wont be taken seriously. I don't wanna complain to my friends, I don't wanna sound like that dummy that keeps complaining all the time btw I only have 2 friends literally 2 friends. My family can't even realise that I'm struggling and all they keep doing is screaming at me do this and do this.

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Originally Posted by ChemicalFrustration

Hey Khalil,

I hope you´re doing okay atm. Wanted to tell you, that I had a similiar problem. I hated it, I hated that my whole mood seemed to be effected by that one person and that I was so dependet on them. Everything seemes hopeless when they stopped paying attention to me.
I kinda also thought about ending it all and I have kinda no idea how I managed to stop those thoughts.

If ya wanna talk to someone, I volunteer? :)

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I understand what you are saying and I completely agree. But I just can't do it anymore, I can't stand that feeling anymore. I prefer that I don't exist anymore than living miserably like this. I know that its just a matter of time but I seriously can't take it. I really hope that I'm not annoying you I don't like to complain to others with my own issues.

Hi and welcome to DWD.
You've reached out for support and that's great and shows me that you still have a glimmer of hope - which is great.
Suicide is never the answer, and is definitely not something that you will get support for here or discussions of "the easiest way" or "the best way" because that goes against everything that I believe. I know that things won't always be like this for you and I know that there are plenty of other options.

If you are hoping for us to tell you to take your own life and discuss methods of doing so, I'm sorry but this isn't the place for you. However, should you choose to get help and to work through this then we'll be here supporting you all the way.

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Hi and welcome to DWD.
You've reached out for support and that's great and shows me that you still have a glimmer of hope - which is great.
Suicide is never the answer, and is definitely not something that you will get support for here or discussions of "the easiest way" or "the best way" because that goes against everything that I believe. I know that things won't always be like this for you and I know that there are plenty of other options.

If you are hoping for us to tell you to take your own life and discuss methods of doing so, I'm sorry but this isn't the place for you. However, should you choose to get help and to work through this then we'll be here supporting you all the way.

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One of the things that I hate to hear is suicide is never the solution and just be patient or whatever. That's what everyone says everytime I go to ask them for help and btw I didn't ask for a way to commit suicide. I said that I even looked for ways which means that I'm thinking about doing it. I only asked for help not for ways to suicide.

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Originally Posted by Khalil

I only asked for help not for ways to suicide.

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Then we’ll be so happy to help. DWD really is such a supportive community of people that ‘get it’ and I hope you feel able to become part of that community. The thing is, we say suicide is never the solution and things will get better because it’s true. And it’s something that many of us here (including me) can talk about from experience. During my worst crisis my psychiatrist told me that there is ALWAYS a way through. It didn’t happen overnight and was a very hard journey, and I didn’t believe him at first, but he was right. If I’d have gone through with my thoughts and urges, I would have destroyed my family, who I love so very much, and I would have missed so much joy.

Hunni, it concerns me when you say you can’t access a doctor. Can I ask why? Is it because of where you live? Can I ask how old you are?

I'm confused as to what it is that you are asking for. You mention several ways that you would like to take your own life, saying that you've researched them etc... However you also say you don't want to be told it isn't the answer and you say that you won't go and see a Dr - although I don't think any doctor would say that you need to "man up."

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Originally Posted by Paula

Then we’ll be so happy to help. DWD really is such a supportive community of people that ‘get it’ and I hope you feel able to become part of that community. The thing is, we say suicide is never the solution and things will get better because it’s true. And it’s something that many of us here (including me) can talk about from experience. During my worst crisis my psychiatrist told me that there is ALWAYS a way through. It didn’t happen overnight and was a very hard journey, and I didn’t believe him at first, but he was right. If I’d have gone through with my thoughts and urges, I would have destroyed my family, who I love so very much, and I would have missed so much joy.

Hunni, it concerns me when you say you can’t access a doctor. Can I ask why? Is it because of where you live? Can I ask how old you are?

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I'm 17. It's not really because of where I live but it's because of how my family thinks. They have this idea that if you visit a psychologist, you are either insane or just acting like a baby. And even if they take it seriously. Someone of them will take me for a walk and say bunch of words your father is sick etc... you know those long useless speeches and at the end you'll be told be patient. All I'm trying to fight and remove is that feeling when you don't manage to get someone you love you think your head will explode.

Where abouts are you based? You aren't insane or acting like a baby.What's wrong with your father?

I know you talk about this girl, and I know you want an instant answer, but there isn't one I'm afraid... However I think that actually you come across like a very intelligent person who sounds as if you have much more going on in your life than issues with girls....

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Where abouts are you based? You aren't insane or acting like a baby.What's wrong with your father?

I know you talk about this girl, and I know you want an instant answer, but there isn't one I'm afraid... However I think that actually you come across like a very intelligent person who sounds as if you have much more going on in your life than issues with girls....

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My father is 65 y/o, his hands and his mouth ( both lips ) keeps shaking and now even his feet. He can't walk properly, blood pressure... but that's not really my problem. When I think about what's making me feel like this I laugh. That person that I care about and that I look after is living his life happily and enjoying while I'm making my life depend on them. I know that sounds stupid because instead of enjoying my life I keep myself in this depression but I feel like I can't control what's inside me, it's what's leading me and I can't take over it. Idk it's like a knot that keeps annoying me. I wish that I had some kinda pills or something to stop me from thinking for a bit.

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Originally Posted by Khalil

I understand what you are saying and I completely agree. But I just can't do it anymore, I can't stand that feeling anymore. I prefer that I don't exist anymore than living miserably like this. I know that its just a matter of time but I seriously can't take it. I really hope that I'm not annoying you I don't like to complain to others with my own issues.

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You're definitly not annoying to me. You have a problem and want help. I choose to offer you some help, even if it's just an ear to listen to you, you seem to really need that. May I ask, what is it exactly, that you want, that could solve your problem without SU?

Have you spoken to your GP at all about this? You don’t necessarily need to go to a psychologist first. Where do you live?

Do you have any friends you could talk to? Why are you against seeing a doctor?

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Originally Posted by ChemicalFrustration

You're definitly not annoying to me. You have a problem and want help. I choose to offer you some help, even if it's just an ear to listen to you, you seem to really need that. May I ask, what is it exactly, that you want, that could solve your problem without SU?

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As an admin note, please do not engage in 1:1 private support via PM. That is not what this site is for. I have no idea about your qualifications/training/experience and that could be dangerous for either yourself or the person you are trying to support. This is the only warning I will give about this because it is so important. If you are here to talk then that's great, but no 1:1 private support is something that I will allow.

My father is sick, he's 65 y/o, his hands and his mouth ( both lips) are shaking and he can't walk properly and he's not doing okay, I feel like he's starting to lose his mental health...All I'm trying to fight and remove is that feeling, that knot inside me. It's like an idea if you don't get to know that girl you better just die cuz without her you are nothing.... and another reason that I didn't mention is masturbation. I've been trying to not masturbate and everytime I fail I feel destroyed. It's getting out of control.

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Originally Posted by Suzi

Do you have any friends you could talk to? Why are you against seeing a doctor?

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I'm not against seeing a doctor but I don't want anyone to know this side of me especially my family and my friends. Sometimes I say that this is just drama but other times it gets rly serious.

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Originally Posted by ChemicalFrustration

You're definitly not annoying to me. You have a problem and want help. I choose to offer you some help, even if it's just an ear to listen to you, you seem to really need that. May I ask, what is it exactly, that you want, that could solve your problem without SU?

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My main goal is just to get to know this girl or at least forget her and manage to change myself to the best cause everytime i try i fail and tell myself that I'm a loser who needs to die and I start comparing myself with others.

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Originally Posted by Paula

Have you spoken to your GP at all about this? You don’t necessarily need to go to a psychologist first. Where do you live?

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I'm actually from Morocco and I've a Spanish citizenship. I haven't told anyone about this and I will never do that because I know what they'll say and I don't wanna be seen eith that kinda view.

Please go and see a Doctor. This is serious if it's causing you to want to end your own life....