New Member *AB Triggers*

Hi, .... this is a massive step for me and I don't know what to say.

I have been living with depression for 29 years, and I'm only 34 years old.

I've never sort help in all that time. I should have done, many times, but I'm very stubborn and I won't give in.

I've never used a forum to express any sort of my feelings before. I'm finally doing this because I might be pregnant with my third, and I need something to keep me stable.

I'm the oldest of 5. We all have different dads. None of us were allowed to know our dads. My mother was extremely abusive to me and my siblings growing up. No one ever found out the abuse, I've only ever told my partner.

I can say I've been depressed since I was 5 because that's when it all started.

I know I'm a good mother, I just have hard days, and I'm worried with my third child that things might get worse.

I don't smoke, drink or drugs.

I eat! I eat a lot! And now I'm on the brink of having diabetes.

I just need a place to talk openly about everything.

Hi Pandora and welcome. Firstly, I’ve added a trigger warning to your thread. It’s nothing to worry about, it just allows other members to avoid, if they need to, threads that might be tough for them.

This is a place where you can definitely talk openly. We all understand how you feel and DWD is a very supportive place to be. Can I ask whether you talked to your doctor or midwife about how you’re feeling, during your previous pregnancies? Did you suffer, do you think, from post or pre natal depression? If you didn’t, you really need to talk to someone now, not least because, if you are diabetic, you will be having a lot more active involvement with the hospital/clinic/surgery.

Hi and welcome to DWD. Paula has asked all the questions I was going to ask! :)
Are you hoping to be pregnant with your third?

Hi, I wasn't expecting to become pregnant. I wouldn't say no to a third child. I am at the point where things were about to become easier. After 16 years together, my partner and I are finally getting married, and with the help of partners parents we were finally going to buy our first house next year.

My partner and his parents are so supportive in the big stuff, they don't really look at the smaller details like helping out with giving me some free time etc.

My youngest was about to start preschool next year, and I was going to use those 9 hours a week all for myself. Including, trying out therapy of some form.

I know I had post natal depression with my youngest, and I spoke to the doctor and because I was breastfeeding, he told to carry on using food as my crutch and that I could sort of the weight problem later.

I didn't have post natal depression with my oldest, because I was depressed whilst I was pregnant with her. You see, I was made redundant from my job after putting 6 years into the company. Two weeks later, I found out of was pregnant with my first.

No, my big problem is the pregnancy hormones turn me into a really angry and cranky person and I end up shouting a lot, and my eldest is a bit of a wild child, and she rebels when I get shouty, and then I start feeling really bad about the shouting.

In the end, I get scared and depressed the most when I feel like I might be turning into my mum.

My eldest pushes all boundaries all the time, and I suffer from summer SAD, so I find summer holidays to be the worst time of year!

I love winter, and blankets and books!

you’re not turning into your mum, the fact you are aware of the impact on your family, especially your eldest, proves that to me. You obviously love your family and want the best for them. What’s best for them, and for you, whether you’re pregnant or not, is to ask for help from your doctor. I had pre natal depression with my youngest and my midwife was so supportive, I’m not sure I’d have made it through my pregnancy in one piece without her.

OK, first of all let me assure you that there are anti d's that are safe to take in breastfeeding - One of our now retired mods needed them after the birth of her baby... You don't have to deal with it all alone.

I had pnd with each of my babies and it affected me in very different ways with each of them.
You aren't turning into your Mum. You know the signs, you know what to look out for and actually talking things through with your partner is the best option.