Citalopram + Waiting for psychiatric assessment

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to chat about my situation. I am dealing with depression. The doctor has put me on citalopram for now (20mg). He has put me on the waiting list to see a psychiatrist for an assessment, as there is an indication that I may be bipolar.
I realise that I have cycles of severe depression, and very happy high states where I want to try everything, and unfortunately have made some irrational/risky decisions during those times, which have had large repercussions for my current self-esteem and confidence. I wasn't aware of it before, but now I am.

I am struggling with the fact that I have gone back on an anti-depressant. The last time I used them, I was 15 and it was for a short period (I am 28 now). I struggle with the decision because they don't coincide with my spiritual beliefs and I have a great distrust of them. I do realise that a doctor would describe these beliefs as delusions.

Does anybody else feel this way about the tablets? It's almost like it's just another experiment for me to even give them a chance this time. Also, is anybody here bipolar? I would like to know if you have any input, and how medication has affected you.
Obviously, I haven't had my assessment yet, and I'm not self-diagnosing, but I am curious.

I've been taking the citalopram at night, and when I wake up in the morning I feel quite wired, and my pupils are dilated. The doctor told me to keep an eye on things, and to get intouch if anything is out of the ordinary.
I just wish I'd receive my appointment letter already. I should have it in a few weeks.
Thanks for any input everyone x

I have to say that, for me, taking medication means I can have a life, and be a wife to my husband and mother to my children. I'd have none of this, and live in constant fear and distress, without ADs.

I haven't got a bipolar diagnosis officially but it is on my notes as a consideration. However, the actual diagnosis is irrelevant as I've been taking Lithium (which is the mood stabiliser often used to treat bipolar since the 50s) anyway so my treatment wouldn't change.

How about looking at the meds as a safety net to catch a fall as the reality is the medication helps but you also have to put work in to get you better the meds will not do it all for you hence if you work on the counselling, CBT etc that your dr/ physc advises you do you are working on those yourself and being mindfull, and the meds just help when you have a fall. Just another persepective to think before shooting down medication straight away.

Double check with taking the citalopram at night. My husband was told to take it in the morning - but we've had other members who do take it at night. Only mentioning it as it might help with side effects...

Can I ask what beliefs you have which are contradicted by taking meds?

Thankyou for your thoughts.
I think my reservations with being back on anti-depressants are mostly psychological. Maybe I am just uncomfortable with the fact that I am depressed (again).
I don't see anything inherently wrong with someone making the choice to take them. I think I am just afraid of having the wrong medication/causing further damage to my mind. All I can do is try though.
My spiritual beliefs have been what has helped me through up until now, meditation has been invaluable, self-awareness. I do have beliefs which would be described as a bit 'out there', I have a feeling that I might be questioned about that in the assessment heh!
Maybe now I do need extra help. It's nice to have your thoughts, so I don't feel as anxious about it.
Doctor said I could take the tablets at night, incase they affect my driving etc. It feels safer for me this way. I need to go back to get more tomorrow.


I'm so glad to hear that your treatment is so helpful Paula, I like to hear that, and thankyou Jarre + Suzi

Hi there and welcome to DWD. (hi)
I'm glad that you are seeing someone tomorrow. Good luck with your appointment.

Glad you're going back and talking to him!