First day joining you all. Newby! *SH/AB Trigger*

Hello my name is Bellat,

I am 38 with two young children who thankfully are at school today as feeling really low with lack of sleep and flashbacks. I have been diagnosed with complex PTSD, depression and DID (dissociative identity disorder).

My mental health issues only began to show when I had my daughter 6yrs ago and suffered severe PND & from there all my past trauma came flooding out and I could no longer suppress it. I've been in and out of psychiatric hospitals over the 6yrs and in the last year very little support from my cmht until begining of this year when referred to a brilliant consultant who has had my back in support since. After several professional meetings the cmht are now looking for a longer term specialist inpatient unit which although scary...finally hopefully the right support.

However in the mean time, I am struggling and big time with my *sh*. Not long ago through this I nearly lost my life and had several operations in such a short space of time and been told they cannot do another operation on it which I am holding onto will be enough for me not to do it again but struggling as no one in cmht offers me support in this area.
Sorry for such a long post.x

Hi, nice to meet you. No need to say sorry here. And especialy for a long post. This is not a long post.

You are experiencing a lot. It sounds like a rough period. And I can relate how struggling with SH can be.

I am glad they are looking into the inpatient option if that is something you feel will help. Can I ask how the support is in your personal surroundings? With friends and family?

Hi, hunni, and welcome. Just so you know, I’ve added a trigger warning to your thread - there’s nothing to worry about, it’s just to make sure that other members can make a choice whether they’re able to read potentially triggering posts.

I am so, so sorry the past 6 years have been so difficult for you but am glad you’ve found a doctor who you can trust. Do you know what the wait time is for the inpatient treatment?

Thank you Mira,

Not great and sometimes my own fault. I have good close net of friends and good family however I'm usually the one supporting others so find it difficult to reach out to those close to me.
During lockdown I've been going through domestic abuse with my partner in a emotional, controlling and sexual behaviour. The police were involved twice and he left but due to what he did I was admitted into psychiatric hospital but I couldn't go through with the police charges and here I am now and we are back together and he moved back in, it has been ok but I just can't settle and back sharing a bed together is really hard and triggering and I've not been sleeping well which impacts my mental health hugely.
Feel really stuck and scared about *sh* urges especially when I have had a recent operation because of it and its not healing well and making it harder for myself not to do anything and desperately need support in coping strategies as my usual coping strategies are becoming harder to utilise and work.x

Hi Bellat,
I hope you get through all this and wish you all the best!
I can hardly imagine what you're going through right now. From my perspective, it looks like you need someone close that helps pulling you out of the mud and away from your abusive partner. So you might want to find out a close friend whom you trust the most and reach out to that person, if you haven't already done that. But then again, I don't know the full story, thus you have to decide for yourself whether that's the best thing to do or not.

Besides that, I always found it helpful to just keep your mind busy with something else, be it reading, cooking, or watching tons of movies and series, whatever keeps you distracted is fine, I'd say.
Would you like to share your usual coping strategies? Maybe I can give you some good input.

Also i think this is a great place to find some shelter in dark times (although I'm new here too, the first impression hardly could have been any better ^^), so registering here sure was a great idea!

Oh hunni, I’m so sorry (panda).

We’ve got some information on where to find helplines and support for anyone dealing with domestic abuse and you can find it here http://www.dealingwithdepression.co....351#post326351

How are your children dealing with things?

Oh sorry Paula I totally didn't think when I was typing. Hope I didn't upset anyone.
Thank you for the links Paula.
Nice to meet you Tom and welcome also.
It's a bit more difficult to talk about it with close friends, find it hard to talk about at all but feel stuck.
I am not sure on the waiting list for a private place. There is a possible place in London I will have an assessment with but that's all I know. So a waiting game.

It seems my usual coping strategies are not working so well which are meditating, journaling, music, photography, talking to a professional. Nothing seems to last that long to actually have much benefit.x

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Originally Posted by Bellat

Oh sorry Paula I totally didn't think when I was typing. Hope I didn't upset anyone.

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No problems, love :)

Hi and welcome. Hunni you do not have to have him with you. There is help out there for anyone living with abuse. Sweetheart you can get out of this... Having him with you all the time is never going to allow you to deal with what has happened in the past. Have you heard of shout? Text shout to 85258 and they have added resources specifically for domestic violence including one which you can create an exit plan, but it won't look like that on your phone itms? I'm due to do a shift in the next couple of days, I'll see if I can find the links which might help.

I'm so glad you've found your way here, we aren't mh professionals, but we are a peer to peer support group and we'll always do what we can. Have you tried the Calm Harm app?

Hi and welcome.
I'm sorry you are going through so much right now.
I'm hoping your inpatient treatment comes through quickly for you

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Originally Posted by Bellat

It seems my usual coping strategies are not working so well which are meditating, journaling, music, photography, talking to a professional. Nothing seems to last that long to actually have much benefit.x

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Hmm, maybe try something that also contains some kind of physical activity and contact with others? It doesn't even have to be sports but could as well be something like cooking some stuff together with your children. Even if the outcome is not perfect, you will still have some fun and quality time with your children :)
If you're fine with doing some sports, I'd recommend to find a climbing gym and start bouldering or climbing there. I found the community to be very friendly and supportive. Even if you don't know anyone there it's easy to establish contact, just go up to someone and ask for tips, most people are happy to share their wisdom ^^

What also just came to my mind (I think I read or heard it somewhere) is the following: always carry a sheet of paper and a pen on you. Everytime you encounter something nice, see something that makes you smile, smell something good, or whatever it may be, make a tick on the paper, maybe even a bigger one if it was something extraordinary. That could help you to focus on the good things and to better keep them in mind. If you feel like the paper is not filling up fast enough, you might want to concentrate on even smaller things, or try to get active yourself, like giving your children a good hug (bear) (I'd say that might even be worth two ticks each ;) )
You could also substitute paper and ticks with a bag and corn grains, that way you would even feel the bag of good things getting heavier over time.

And keep in mind that there are people who care about your wellbeing, even if they just might seem to be "random people on the internet" ;)

Hi Bellat I can't really add much to what the previous posters have said, I just hope you get in as an inpatient ASAP.