Depressed for years, tried many drugs *SU Trigger*

Hello! My name is ... well it's Jiří but it translates as George :-) . I've been suffering from heavy depression since 14. Now I'm 25. During this 11 year-long trip i touched basically every drug - prescription or street drug - and ended up using pretty much astronomical doses of crystal meth till march 2019, when I told my parents and they took me to the hospital. Even doctors were surprised how much meth was in my urine (rofl) ... anyways, now I'm experiencing the good old depression mixed with meth withdrawal so the anhedonia is quite unpleasant to say the least. It's as if that damn drug took my last bits and pieces of happiness, and now I only hold on to some vague smudged picture of what happiness used to be, what does it mean to play a PC game (I seriously don't get gaming now and I was a heavy gamer). Every day I spend at least 2 hours contemplating suicide, then planning to escape my parent's house with a bunch of their money and buy meth as long as I can... then when I run out of money, I think to myself, I'll shoot myself or I jump under a train .... but nah I'm a pussy and I love my parents and my one and only friend.. a classmate who I used to date in 2011 ... she kept (and still keeps) me alive and fighting...

Hi and welcome. I'm glad you found dwd it has really helped me. I'm afraid I have no real words of wisdom for you..... but someone here will but i am glad you have got someone in your life keeping you going. Anyway, just wanted to say hi and you're not alone.

Hi and welcome to DWD. I've added a trigger warning as you discuss feelings of suicide. It's just to protect others who may find it triggering for their own health.

I'm glad you've found someone to help and that your parents are supportive. I'm so glad you told them.
Have you had help coming off the drugs? Have you spoken to your Dr about how you are feeling? Do you have access to anything such as talking therapy?

Hi and welcome. I disagree, carrying on when life hurts that much takes an enormous amount of courage. Whatever the reasons why you’re still here, you’re obviously immensely strong. People care about you and with their continued support, I promise you, there is always a way through