depression with body pain, help pls
hello I'm new here to seek for advices. I feel like I have to write something to get myself out from depression step by step.
I was in general living happily and fight for my life until I moved out from home country to a new country. There're 3 critical things driving me into depression.
My work: in the beginning, I was so happy to meet people and do my job well. One month later, my bosses started to beat all my confidences. The working environment is totally different from what I supposed. They're moody people and we're hard to figure out when they will get mad and when they will be generous. Due to my language disadvantages, I'm in kind of position they can blame me for everything if they want. I have survived in the toxic working environment for more than 2.5 years but I can feel I'm accumulating more burdens. I tried to isolate my feelings from work and tell myself that it's not about me. However, my practice is still hard to work all the time.
My parents: we're a small family who had experienced poor, non-poor and 8.0 earthquake which made us lose home and rebuilt eventually. I always believed these factors tightened us together as we loved each other so much. My parents are supportive for my studying so I could have master degree and have a better job. All of a sudden after I moved out from my country for 6 months, my dad wanted to divorce. He cheated us for divorcing and got married to another lady after half-a-year. I have never been so shocked and angry. My mom is an less emotional independent person. So I was giving my energy to help her while I was hurting from my own relationship. I tried to talk to my dad in the beginning but after a while I felt that he never established any new identity as a father to me. I deserved a sorry from him and efforts from him being a father. I was tired and exhausted from dealing with this issue. In the end, I decided to take care of myself and consume less energy on this.
My personal life: I'm single and living in a city where guys won't take you seriously unless you're really pushing yourself to them. I'm active to meet people and do regular exercises. I want myself to be happy and enjoy the life so I don't give any pressure to me. However, my mom always blames me for being single as it's like a sin. No matter how hard I fight for my career and life, she will still think I'm a failure and she is unhappy because of me. I can't convince her even I have taking care of her, taking her for trips to cure her hurts from divorce.
All these experiences made me feel so hard to deal with my life. I tried to live positively and happily but can't feel I'm loved by anyone. My depression seems getting deeper and deeper, even my body is in pain.
