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Today
Hi there,
It has been ages since I posted, sorry. For some reason I am struggling today. All these special events rake stuff up..thinking about the past, you know? I have a *great* deal to be thankful for right now and I would NEVER want to be back with my ex. Pen is wonderful, I couldn’t ask for more. Yet today I just feel ugh and inadequate ...I saw the girls this morning which was lovely, they make me so very proud. Life seems to take so much energy sometimes though.....
This week I had a procedure at the hospital, gynae exploratory and cervix cauterisation (ouch) and I have had a coil put in to sort out heavy periods and spotting. Fingers crossed it will work out for me.
My course is going well and I am definitely lining up for level 3 in September.
Thanks for listening xx
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(bear) for the procedure - I had a coil change this week so I can sympathise on that one....
So glad you saw the girls and enjoyed your time with them.
I can't imagine that anyone else sees you as inadequate. You seem so capable of everything and anything. You are lovely, and you and Pen make a really fabulous couple...
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Thanks Suzie, I’ve had a lovely, relaxing bath (nod). I’ve written a few things down for my counselling appt tomorrow. I think special occasions, although lovely, stir memories and thoughts up. Just trying to be kind to myself xx
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You know you can always talk about the memories here if you wanted to?
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Thank-you Suzi. I am ok most of the time, it is just accepting that I am not a robot and that different feelings come up sometimes. All I know is that Penny and I are wonderful together and she is so loyal, I am a very lucky lady (inlove) xx
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Ok putting your relationship status aside, what’s really going on with you?
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You are always welcome to talk about your feelings etc, it's part of what we're here for ;)
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Glad to hear from you Arty I'm so pleased you and Penny found each other I'm sure your girls think you are a good mum.
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Hey, love, how are you this morning?
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Hi Paula,
I am ok thank-you. I have done some housework and have got my counselling session later on. The session should release stuff that is going around my head lol. After that, we are going out to get some jobs done at Penny’s ex’s place.
I should be able to get back into my school placement after the Easter holidays, this will remind me that I can do this!!! All this ‘limbo’ time heightens nasty negative thoughts. Like everyone else, I just want to be able to do normal stuff that helps we cope, like my swimming.
X
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You can get through this lovely, you're great. Glad you have your counselling session lovely. Hope you are able to talk through everything that's going on for you...
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Hi, just thought I would let you know that things are going well. I don't know if I have mentioned that I help at the food bank once a week. I am really enjoying it.
We are making a few plans for days out, short breaks etc. Nothing fixed re: dates, just a few ideas at this stage x
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Thanks for letting us know how you are lovely! It's great that you are able to do things like help at the food bank. Are you making friends etc there?
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It is an offshoot of the main one, held at the local church. I help one lady run it once a week. She is a lovely person and whilst we are waiting for ‘customers’ we have chance to chat about our week and our lives in general. I love meeting new people and learning about the directions their life has gone in. Although I am unsure whether I actually believe in God, I feel at peace when I am in the church building. The vicar and his wife have been amazing friends to me for many years. Throughout all of my MH ups and downs, they have stood by me, being true Christians.x
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That's made me all emotional hearing you say that. I too always feel at peace and more centered when I go to my Church or talk to my Rector. It's a wonderful "safe" feeling. I'm so glad you're getting the chance to do this and to share "you" and your kind and lovely spirit with those around you.
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Thank-you ladies for your lovely comments.
I went in person to college today, for the first time in months. It was so lovely to connect properly with people again.
We had a talk by a guy who took my level 2 counselling course. I have never forgotten how great he was when B left, and I took him a highland cow as a thank-you gift. He spoke to us about mental health for 30 minutes and it really struck a chord with me, reminding me about the journey I am on.
I talked a bit to the tutors about level 3 and it feels as if there is now a way forward career wise. The guy who was from the counselling dept. said that we can’t climb the whole mountain in one go, you have to do one bit at a time. He is right, I mustn’t be inpatient with myself about the future. Pen and I have each other now and other life changes will happen when they happen.
In other news, I have started doing some art and crochet again and the swimming pool opens soon! Whoop! X
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That's such a positive post! I'm sure he loved the cow - coz let's face it, they are amazing!
I'm so glad you're crafting again lovely!
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That’s awesome! You seem in so much more of a better place :)
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Looks like things are on the up for you Arty and may the so continue.
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Hi everyone,
Next week I start back with my placement (fingers crossed) so I am taking the opportunity to rest this afternoon. Tomorrow I have my first COVID jab and I am getting tested on Monday, ready for college and the school. I am getting organised for our meals next week. Pen is back doing face to face classes too so we need to be kind to ourselves. I’ve had 2 swims this week, it was lovely to get in the pool (nod) Hope you are all doing well xx
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Sounds positive with the swimming and face to face classes. How are you feeling about going back to school?
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That sounds lovely Arty, especially the swimming! Sending you best wishes for your covid jab and for the upcoming week xx
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Thank-you ladies. I am very excited about going to be going back into school. I am a bit nervous, naturally, and I know it will take a few sessions for my confidence to build up again. I know I need the stimulation now though, and I am trying to pace too (rofl)xx
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How many days are you in school? Is that every week?
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I am in college on Tuesdays. I plan on being in school Wednesday mornings and all day on Thursday. I haven’t done an all day session as yet, the classroom assistant takes the class on Thursday afternoons so I am looking forward to helping her. It feels so long since I have been there, I have really missed the children!
This week I have told the Foodbank lady that I won’t be there on Friday morning, as I know I will be really tired by then. On Friday afternoon I am having my hair done - whoop! X
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Sounds like a good week! Definitely full of things to look forward to!
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Hi all,
I’ve had 2 observations/assessments for college (yesterday and toda) One was a Micro teach in college, one was a classroom obs. I am so relieved they’re out of the way but my negative/self critic voice is going crazy :s I’m going to rest up for the remainder of the afternoon/ evening and watch Call the Midwife and a film! Xx
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I'm sure you will have been brilliant! However, I remember my teaching observations and how nerve wracking they were!
I'm glad you're going to rest for the rest of the afternoon lovely.
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Hi all,
I seem to be having a difficult few days. The girls were with me at the weekend. I feel like I was very much ‘holding it together’. I took Pen’s daughter to visit her boyfriend in hospital in Bristol on Sunday. My level 2 course is coming to an end but my placement continuing until the end of the year. I feel very stressed. Oh, and I had a phone-call earlier from my Dad’s wife to say he is in hospital with suspected sepsis. Ugh...
I know I need to rest and recharge but my inner critic is being so harsh. This evening I have had a bath and I am going to watch some TV and do some tapestry. X
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Oh hunni, I’m sorry your dad’s poorly. Are you able to visit him?
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I don’t think I will be able to as I suspect only one visitor will be allowed which I feel should be his wife.
I feel very confused about him. He could be dying and I am not sure what I should be feeling. He has severe dementia and doesn’t know who anyone is any more. His behaviour years ago was awful/ so screwed up and I feel numb towards him. It is so difficult.x
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So sorry you're in that position - My Mum has been in hospital for a couple of weeks and it's really hard when only one person can go and see her. Could you do video calls?
Did you not enjoy the time with your girls?
Is H's boyfriend OK?
Have you had any therapy or ever talked about things with your Dad with anyone?
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Hi, I loved seeing them. S is in the last few weeks of year 11, bless her. H’s boyfriend is doing well, thankfully. I guess I want to build bridges with H. We had a lovely conversation in the car there and back.
Yes, I have had therapy about my Dad. I know that he has struggled with MH issues throughout his life (as my Mum has too) I can only spin so many plates and I am terrified of overdoing things if that makes sense. I’m so glad I have reached out to you guys this evening x
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My youngest is the same age as S then - just a few weeks left of year 11.
Why do you feel you need to build bridges with H?
It makes total sense to me love. Sometimes you have to shift your focus so that you can keep on with everything else... But don't bottle it all up love.
I'm glad you've reached out tonight too..
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I’m so glad you were able to spend some quality time with H :)
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Hi,
I am feeling brighter thankfully. I guess I overdid things on the weekend and it has taken a few days to recalibrate! As fellow parents know, raising children is demanding (as well as rewarding of course)
Tomorrow I am working with a group of children in school doing a window display on garden birds, which I am really looking forward to.
Re: H, I guess I just want her to like me, for obvious reasons. Tbh she is being lovely towards both me and Pen and has been for months. She is very much in love with her boyfriend which helps.
This afternoon I am going to spend a bit of time preparing for tomorrow afternoon and then do something relaxing.
Thanks, as always x
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How could H not like you? You are lovely and kind and you make Pen very, very happy!
So glad you're feeling brighter x That window display sounds like something you can have loads of fun with!
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Sometimes...you just have to stop and rest (rofl) Pen has gone out with H. We are away for 3 nights on Friday so pacing is required - although I want to fight it!
Also, does anyone find that they have a reaction to certain sweetners eg. aspartame? It makes me feel mental (more so than usual!) Xx