Depression and my relationship

I'm really worried that depression is having a big impact on my relationship.

It's making me really insecure and paranoid and I have constant self-doubt and overthink everything. I've even upset my girlfriend to the point that she's suggested I take a break from the relationship to get my head in gear. That is not what I want. It's even affecting my sex drive and I worry I will lose feelings for her and she will think that even though I really like her.

So I'm just after some advice on how to deal with these thoughts as I worry they will destroy my relationship.

Have you been open and honest with her and told her how you are feeling? I guarantee that whatever you tell her will not be worse than what she's got going round in her head... I know because my husband didn't tell me anything and I was convinced of so many other things....

Yes, I've been open and honest with her about it. Although she has never experienced it before, she's trying her best to understand and support me.

I promised her I would try and look after myself by taking my tablets etc...and talking to her when I'm feeling down. I think that's fair enough as it can't be easy for her and she shouldn't have to put up with my moods all the time.

That's where my husband and I started too. Then I came to all his appointments with him etc...

Dealing with the symptoms of mental health conditions, including mood swings, is tough but it sounds like you’re both really trying to make this work. My husband sees it as his responsibility to care for me and to help me through but we’ve been together 20 years. All you can both do is what you’re already doing. Actually, I think what you’re doing is exactly what you should be right now - and your honesty with each other will make a huge difference

Thanks for all your advice.

Yes, being open and honest is the best way to be in a relationship regardless of what it is.

I don't expext her to understand but support is all I need and to no she's there for me, and thankfully she is.

That's awesome. She would be welcome here - we have separate male and female sections if it helps?

I'll ask her, Suzi.

I do still worry constantly though about our relationship and have this fear that she is going to get bored of me and end it.

Like last night and today, she's said she has been feeling unwell. I half suspected she may suggest I don't meet her tonight as we'd arranged, and she did exactly that. I've said I still wanted to see her and she's alright with that but I can't get it out of my head that she's acted unwell bed she doesn't want to see me.

I know it's awful of me to think that and I really want to ask whether that was the case, but I know it will upset her and that she will deny it. So I'm going to leave it but I just don't know how to deal with these constant thoughts. ��

Ben - I've been with my now husband for 20 years and I've been with him through 2 breakdowns, panic attacks so bad that he couldn't leave the house and so much more. Sweetheart, honestly? I talk to him about it, he talks to me about how he is feeling and I talk to him about what's in my head. We've only lasted this long and through so much crap because we talk to each other...

I agree with Suzi. My worst times with my husband have been when I’ve retreated into myself and he didn’t know what was going on in my head. It seems that, as long as he knows how I’m doing, he can handle it

It's always easier to fight the monster when you know what the monster is...

I do talk to my girlfriend about my thoughts and feelings. I just worry that if I'm too honest, I'll end up upsetting her. So I decide to keep my thoughts to myself and I try and channel them into something more positive.

My husband aven told me that he didn't know if he loved the kids and I. Yes it hurt like hell, but so much better to know...

There's something else I'm in a real dilemma about...

Let's say I've had a gay past and I've not told her about it. I really am in two minds whether to tell her. My main worry is a friend likes to blurt things out as he thinks it's his duty too and that he's looking out for me. I'd hate for her to find out through someone else. I don't think it's his place to say anything and that it's my choice.

My reasons for not telling her are that it's a part of my past that's very personal to me and that I feel like I've moved on from, a phase if I could describe it that I wouldn't go back to. I was also worried at how she may react to me telling her and that it may change her opinion of me. Now from everything she had said about gay issues I think she is perfectly accepting but I worry that she'd be annoyed I've not told her this and it will create trust issues.

But on the whole out relationship is a good one and I don't want to dig out things from the past and risk spoiling things. What should I do?

My now husband knows all about my past and that involves my girlfriends as well as boyfriends. It's never been an issue to him and actually we've laughed about fancying the same celebrities! :)
I'd always advocate honesty.... Or you'll always have it in the background. It's also nothing to be ashamed of...

Hi Ben
Try not to overthink everything easy to say I know! But just tell your girlfriend how your feeling, good or bad. The worse thing you can do is bottle things up and keep it all inside. All that does is make you more anxious and unhappy and makes your girlfreind feel like she is doing something wrong or worse thinks everything is her fault. Keep the lines of communication open at all times. If she knows how your feeling its easier for her to help you. Believe me its much nicer to have someone by your side when your going through troubled times. Keep positive. My husband can be super hard work but worth it and I know he wouldnt have done so well over the years if he didnt have me to lean on and love him.