Hi new here, think I am having difficulties *TRIG

I am new here, I am having trouble at work in that I am making mistakes and this making me very upset. I was doing really well and now I am not doing so well at what I do. I have been becoming quick to anger, applying for other jobs, getting more tearful, thinking about ending my life and possibly either walking out of my job or not coming in after bank holiday for fear of having to answer to any of the managers. My appetite has decreased lately and I just can't cope with all the small details that I keep missing. I am tempted to ask my GP for something for my mood because not only am I depressed but my confidence is really low.

Great to be here and part of the community, thank for any advice anyone can give x

Hi and welcome. Your first stop should be your gp. Be completely honest with them and they will be able to advise something to help you, whether that is meds or talking therapies or both. Take it one step at a time lovely, day by day even hour by hour if you need to. And keep talking here. We're a supportive bunch.

Thank you Jaquaia - love the name by the way.

My GP will be closed as of now so I won't be able to speak to them until Tuesday after the bank holiday period. I plan to call them in the morning and I'm guessing I might be tearful like I am right now when I talk to them. I just want to talk to someone and get started on talking therapy or some medication or both, as you say.

I think my problems have been ongoing since 2001. I was physically assaulted (I was 15 at the time). I was also bullied a lot at school and taken advantage of at college.

I became physically ill in 2012 and had to leave my job that I held down of 8 years. It wasn't an easy decision at all and I took 2 years off job hunting just to recover and recharge.

I was deemed adequately treated in 2015 and I went into social work. What a mistake that was. I did well but I couldn't keep up with the shifts. It got worse in 2016 and I resigned. The manager gave me a bad reference and bullied me throughout my working with her. My weight dropped by a stone because I couldn't eat and I looked constantly tired and drained.

In 2017 I went back into office work and did really well in my first temporary assignment. I was kept on for another 12 months but no permanent role was offered despite the department being short staffed and that was when I found work where I am now. As I say I was doing well but I haven't been in the best of health. I haven't been physically well again because I suffered from overt hypothyroidism, I have a dental abscess which needs treating, am overdue on B12 injections, need mega doses of vitamin D and I have only just gotten over a stomach virus and a urinary tract infection. Also undergoing a complaints procedure with my previous endocrine consultant who bullied me and shouted at me during an appointment with him. I feel that what has gone on over the past month is stressing me out and what happened today (though it is seen as a training issue) is just the straw that broke the camel's back. I stormed out of the office at the close of business without saying goodbye to my manager. That was how annoyed I was.

I've added a trigger warning as you've talked about your assault. It's nothing to worry about, it's just so people can avoid your thread if it would trigger them.

You've been through so much so no wonder you're struggling (panda) I can relate entirely, I was bullied all the way through school and have also been assaulted. Have you ever had any support to deal with that? Can you book in for your B12 injection asap? I know that a B12 deficiency can contribute to depression and poor physical health can also contribute.

If it's easier, you can always write down how you're feeling and give it to your gp to read if you feel you may struggle to tell them. And keep talking here lovely, talking really does help

Hi Amber and welcome. You have got a lot to cope with physically and emotionally. Is your thyroid stable atm? I’m sure you know that can contribute to depression too.

WRT your work issues, do you think your mistakes stem from your health or is this job a step too far for you at the moment? Bearing in mind you were off work sick for two years, it must be taking a lot out of you to be in a permanent work situation

Hi and welcome! Jaq and Paula have given you some great advice. Definitely write a bullet point list or just print out your posts from here to show your GP.

If you feel that you are going to cause harm to yourself then please get to your nearest A+E or call a helpline. You are important and the way you are feeling is valid.