Not a typical person with depression *SU SH TRIGS
Hello Everybody
My name is Andrea and i was diagnosed with moderate depression in janaury 2019. Last year i was depressed after my birthday and i considsred sucide becauase i was scared of growing up and i was terrifed of the future . I still am and i would love to die young .
These feelings went on for months. I make plans to kill myslef but cant go through with them.
I used to cut myself in my teens
I feel like i am too functional to have depression. I am not sad all the time
I do have feelings of worthlessness and wanting to die and feeling like a failure and self dobut but i can still do things but i have work much harder .
Throuhout my final year of univeristy i thought of killing mysrlf and i would break down crying in public but i still managed to hand in assessments and get good grades.
I graduated with a 2.1 degree in law .
I will have days in which i am enjoying life and dont want to die but i wil be depressed again.
No one in my family have mental illbess and never had a hard life .
This is so humilating
One the outside people see me as intelligent and pretty but inside i want to die and constantly doubt myself . If you tell me i am pretty or clever i dont believe it at all.
My parents are african and believw only white people get depression. My nan says depression does not exist in africa so why does the west have it
Has anyone experienced this?
Plz share your stories
I feel so alone that my dspression is not the same as other people
Embrassed about my diagnois
Hello
I was diagnosed with moderate depression in January 2019 and struggling to access therapy on the NHS.
I am embrassed about my diagnosis.
I never had a hard life. I am a black female
Everyone in my family have more serious problems and out of all of them i get it .
African parents donf recognise depression so talking to my family is not an option.
My famiky think only white people have depression and this does not exist in african nations.
My family laugh at people with mental illnesss.
I hate being a black woman with depression its so embrassing. I wish i was a white woman with depression becsuse a least depression is recognised in the white community
My family have suppprted me and i end up with this diagnois.
One of my friends who are black . Told me my condition is not real.
On the outside people see me as intelligent and pretty but i dont.
Currently i am fine but my depression will come back as i have not had treatment
My depression came out of nowhere. I woke up one morning on my 21st birthday feeling like my life was one big failure and these feelings dragged on for months . As the months went on these feelings got worse. I would brrak down crying and i lost all my confidence.
How do you deal with depression if not got a hard life?
Can you be successful with depression like have a career?
Have you ever had depression which appeared out of nowhere.
What exactly is moderate depression?
I am so alone . I am dealing with this on my own because telling my family will make it a million times worse.
My depression story- i feel like a fraud
Hello Everybody i hope everyone is good
My name is Andrea and i am 22 years old. Here is my depression journey
Last year may 13th i turned 21 and i woke up on my birthday feeling like my life was one big failure and i felt like my life was over. I felt like a failure because i never had a job , never had a boyfriebd abd kept getting 2.2s . These feelijgs were really bothing me.
June- august (summer period) : These feelings continued to drag througght out these months. The feelings made me lose my confidence. I volunteered as a gateway assessor at a citizens advice in richmond . I was nervous talijg to the clients . This is unusal i because i am a confident person and i find it easy ti talk to people. I just struggled woth advising the clients. After the placement ended i began to realise i cant handle the world of work . My mum boyfriend moved in and his spolit brat son would stay over. The led to arguments in the family. The arugmebtd were based on the fact my sister and i would not play with him. The boy is annoying and he lies a lot which gets other people in trouble .My mum would say hurtful things. It was like she cared about her boyfriend happiness than me.
September- Ocotober: I returned to university . I was not the same. Beofre all this i loved academia , reading and i was confident in my beliefs/ ideas. During these months i began to doubt my ideas, opinions this made it harder for me to focus on my assigments. I felt like whatever i wrote was not good enough. The fear of getting a 2.2 made it worse. Soemtikes i wiild break down crying in public. At this stage i considered sucide becaise i feared growiing up and did not want to deal with it anymore. I talked to my nan and my nan luaged when i was depressed. Seeing how sucxessful people i went to school with worsened these feelings.
November-Demcember: j was struggling with assigments and i was beloeved i failed everything. The argumrbts with my mum over a her relationship with her bf started becoming exposive. Most days i thought of sucide and planned to kill myself on my next birthday. I was serious about it. I saw death as the only way to escape the pressure. I could not see myself having a future anymore.
January: Days before my equity and trusts exam i was sucidal and depressed because i believed i was never going to be happy again. During the exam i struggled to answer the questions or give detalied answers. I felt like it was all over i was going to fail my degree. I flipped over the table and stromed out the exam. It felt so liberating. Only tell i calmed down i realksed this is serious. I lied to my family saying the exam went well and they were proud of me
Janury 15: i went to the gp to get a note for my exanauting circumstabce claim. The gp and i talked about my feelings. I filled in a questionnaire . I was diagnaosed with moderste depression. When i was digansed it was a sense of releif because i always knew i was not normal. I was using unicveristy wellbeing serivices and they were supportive and helpful. They helped me better manage my negative thoughts. I lied to my family about my lectured being longer when acualky i was in a conselling session.
After January The assigments i thought i failed i got a 2.1s in them. I was now on track to get a 2.1 . I was happy. I began to feel my depression was fake because i was experenicing happiness and so functional.
February -May :During this period i aslo exeprienced feelings of anger, self doubt and just being ashamed of my life in gerneral. I planned to kill mysled after gradauting. I used all thst shame to motivate me to work harder in my final exams and assignents.
July gradauted with a 2.1 in law . I could not he happy about my own gradaution. I felt gulity for gradauting becaise they were people in my class who really wanted to gradaute but are going to. My close friend did not graduate and i fslt she was more deserving than me.
I went to gp early august they said depression is a not forever diagnois.i wanted them to remove the diagnois of my recoreds. They said they cant.
I am not nornal enough or crazy enough which was why i wanted the diagnois removed.
Currebtly i am not sufferjng any symptoms and feel normal.
Can depression come and go.
I feel so fake.
Mwntal health awarebess campaigns made me feel like my expereince witg depression was not real.
Unemployed and Lonely **SU Trigger**
Hello
It's now September normally I would be going back to education but now I am an unemployed. When I was younger I thought I would have an amazing life with job I enjoyed and was capable of doing and in a relationship with a guy who really cares make.
I always knew I want i wanted to do with my life When I graduated from University I was the One with a plan . I was wanted to into diplomatic service or the civil service and serve my country but brexit made me disillusioned with politics .
I always know what to do next but now I don't for the first time in my life.
Three years of university and now I am I unemployed and single.
I don't want to be a lawyer either.
I can't even get a simple retail job. I aplly for retail jobs and hear nothing .
Despite having a family I am pretty much lonely . All my friends are doing post grad, working or travelling
I am.22 but I am a.just a stupid little girl in an adult world.
This is actually my life. Sometimes I wish i.was dead so I won't have to.deal.with this humiliation of not having a job.
I know people have it harder than me.
I will gone for a while but I will come back posting.