i dont know what to do... need to tell my story..
28th July 2020. The day I found out the man that raised me is not my biological father.
I was raised by family of doctors, we always lived a comfortable life, I had everything. However, I never felt happy, I always felt like a black sheep in the family. I never had connection with my dad, although my younger sister did. My mom always used to tell me it’s my fault I don’t have connection with him, because I was a difficult child and adolescent.
Couple times I caught my family lying about things like when they got married, where we lived when I was little. Many times, I stated to my mom that I think my dad is not my dad and her answer always was that I am talking nonsense, that we have same blood type, same nose, same eyebrows.
Many years have passed, I am now 26 years old. In the end of July, I was talking to my grandma, and she told me that she met my grandparents from dads side on my parents wedding (I found out when I was 17, that they got married when I was 4), when it hit me. How my grandparents haven’t seen me for 4 years… I send a message to my mom: “I want to know who my real dad is”. She called me.. Started saying that.. she was married to another man, who was abusive, cheating, selling drugs, and much more. When I was 3months old, he started using heroin, and my mom run away from him… met my dad (who raised me) and he adopted me.
She told me, that she and my biological dad was in touch since I turn 16, she never let him to comeback to my life, and told him to promise that he wont contact me. He is a very well know and successful man in my country now and is healing other drug addicts.
29th July 2020. My biological dad called me. I flew straight back to my country to meet him. He told me he waited for this day forever.. that he loves me, and all that. He told me he used to watch me all my life, that he hired detective to spy on me.
He texted me couple times after, but just at the same week, I told him I want to get to know him.. However, that finished very quick, I haven’t heard from him for 3 months now.
I didn’t heal, but came to a conclusion that it is what it is..
During this period, I had a boyfriend, who I thought… will be my future husband.
1st November 2020. We had a Halloween party, at 8am in the morning he left my house and disappeared. Later that day I found out that he cheated on me with transexual women. Nerveless, that he cheated on me with female as well, when? When I went back to my country to see my new dad. He admitted he is a bipolar, which he never told me about before, and when he use substance he want to have unusual sex activities, cant think straight and do.. what he did… we broke up same day, however 17 days have past and I still talk to him daily…
I am going through the biggest pain of my life, I don’t know how to heal.. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my life is taking (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) out of me on a different level… the most scary thing is that I want to get back with this man, I know I cant, but I start to feel that this is maybe what I deserve, what I supposed to deal with. Therefore, I decided to send message here… what should I do? How should I deal with this pain of double betrayal of people I love the most.
