Try to think of somewhere nice - the beach, a forest mmaybe J's arms.
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Try to think of somewhere nice - the beach, a forest mmaybe J's arms.
Oh hun have you got any headphones for your mobile can you maybe listen to music while waiting
My headphones are in my bedroom! I'm home now anyway. Probably a good thing as my thinking is really irrational at the moment though J has been brilliant as always at talking me down.
Tut! Why were your headphones at home?
I don't normally take them out with me. Just to give you an idea of how anxious I was though. I forgot I had a book in my bag...
Oh hunni (bear)
I hope you are resting now. Those appointments can make you very tired.
This is nothing to do with my appointment. This is to do with my state of mind. I'm being completely irrational. I know I'm being completely irrational but I don't know how to stop it.
Irrational? About what?
Today I got given yet more, but different, information about my injections. At Christmas, the consultant told me it would be 4 weeks of going to the hospital and learning how to inject. Last month her registrar told me it's 6 weeks. The nurse in the treatment room told me it would be 6 weeks learning how to do it, then I'd get my first 4 injections from the hospital pharmacy while they got me set up to have them delivered at home. Today, after yet another injection that they give me with no attempt to even talk me through it, I get told that they will give me all 6 and then I have to go in the week after the final one and only then will they teach me. And teaching is only done on a Wednesday afternoon so I have to mess around with my days again, just as I'm starting to get used to the different days of having the injection and taking folic acid these days but not that day. If they are happy with how I do it, they'll sign me off, if not, I have to go back the following week.
And my reaction to that???
I might as well just stop my treatment, everything, not just the DMARDS. I know that those drugs allow me to use my hands with very little discomfort. Less then a year ago, just an hour holding a book would have left me flaring, a couple of hours knitting would have left me unable to use my hand the next day, so I know they work and all I can think of is stopping treatment. And all I've done for the last hour and a half is fight the urge to cry and fail miserably. I'm trying to cross stitch as it's something I need to focus on and all I can think of is stabbing the needle in to my hand or using the scissors and I know it's irrational but I can't stop it